


Cupid

by daiyascenes



Series: Cupid [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Making Out, Save Me, Slow slow slow burn, So yeah, also implied taeyong x winwin haha ISHIPTHEMTOO, awkward feelings and stuff, i decided to write this fic because there are no more fics, i regret my tags lmao, literally this ship is my otp, main characters are really just, mark donghyuck taeyong and jaehyun, passive-agressive af, rated teens and up for like 1-2 swear words, so slow i cannot even, tbh the characters some of them DONT EVEN MAKE AN APPEARANCE LMAO, they are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-08-19 17:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8218885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daiyascenes/pseuds/daiyascenes
Summary: Donghyuck had a crush and Mark wanted to play cupid.What he doesn't know is he's doing himself a favour.





	1. Realisation

**Author's Note:**

> ok yes if you read the tag i actually didn't have plans to write this fic but after seeing the tragedy in the number of fics in the markhyuck tag i decided to indulge myself.
> 
> UPDATE: WILL BE UPDATED REGULARLY AND MOST LIKELY EXPANDED TO A SERIES!
> 
> when this is posted it's probably after exam week and yes im being stupid and writing during the exam week. whats new? idek.
> 
> i'm pretty new to this fandom but still i love my nct boys hehe. if you do read this leave your bias in the comments!! mine is mark the ray of adorable sunshine (although seriously donghyuck and him are just so cute)
> 
> by the way i'm quite BAD at writing fics regarding real life people because i always think it's ooc of them.. also i just overall have really little confidence in nailing their characters unfortunately but i hope we can support our boys ;) 
> 
> do leave comments and kudos! i especially love reading comments :-)
> 
> xx, carm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark just wanted to help a bro out and be the hyung. Too bad he's just a tad bit late from the realisation.

Mark didn't know how it happened, but it just did. And he was damned for it.

Honestly at this point of time, he might as well walk into Donghyuck's room and just do a 90 degree bow and beg for forgiveness, for he was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to hear this. Sure, he was pretty naive when it came to all these things, considering he had started training at 10 and who was to educate him about the feelings you were supposed to get. It wasn't like he never experienced it before, just that music and training came before anything else at that point of time, and he never acted on them. He wasn't even really sure what he was supposed to do with those feelings, besides put them aside and try to focus on other things. And now he was the _hyung_ , the 'big brother' he wanted to be, considering he never got the chance to, be it at home or with the group. Donghyuck was the only one he really wanted to guide.

This act could probably be counted as one of the worst things a _hyung_ could ever do - eavesdrop.

Added to the guilt was the fact that he eavesdropped on possibly the worst topic to - Donghyuck's _crush._ It wasn't even as if he overheard a name - he would be far better with this, it was the fact he saw Donghyuck's eyes as he spoke, ones full of only admiration and glee, praises and compliments spilling out of his mouth at such a rate that even Mark himself couldn't believe it. Sure, Donghyuck was a talkative person, but he hadn't expect such a response from him. It was even more bizarre that he continued on to gush about his crush in such a manner that it even made Mark's heart burn with how much passion he had for them. Coupled with Donghyuck's laugh as he went into deep thought about one particular special person, along with a smile that grew on his face the more he talk, and Mark knew. 

Donghyuck was whipped, or more so said thoroughly in love with only one person.

Just then, Taeyong's voice boomed through the little space left between the door, and realisation hit that he had been standing outside the shared dorm room for far too long. "Are you going to tell them, Donghyuck? I mean, they deserve to know."

Mark could hear Donghyuck's laugh, but it was more sorrowful than the usual. "No, because I don't think they know, and frankly speaking I don't want them to know. Also, I doubt they would reciprocate my feelings." 

A pang of sorrow came over him. Sure, the entertainment would probably never let Donghyuck or frankly speaking _any_ artiste be in a committed relationship openly, considering the current day and age they lived in, but who was to say Donghyuck never had a chance with this person? Mark wasn't denying that it would be hard going out on dates or doing anything intimate in particular, the dorms had strict rules and cameras followed them everywhere. But, who was to say Donghyuck shouldn't take that risk and go for it?

"Are you afraid for them or for you?" Taeyong asked in a soothing voice. Mark wouldn't deny it, Taeyong gave great advice. 

"They are really talented and they have a great future ahead of them, be it with me or without. I mean, practically everyone online is gushing about how they are this miraculous person who defied the S.M entertainment norms." Donghyuck's eyes lit up again with fiery passion, waving his hands dramatically around. "They probably never notice me in particular besides being that overly noisy maknae. If I ever did confess, I wouldn't want any bad to go to their life, nor any bad publicity. I mean, we've seen how much attention we're getting as fresh debuts." He paused for a second, as if he was lost in thought in whatever he was trying to convey.

"I'm worried for them. I don't want our relationship to change from what it currently is."

Mark was tempted to just go into the room and hug the ever life out of Donghyuck and tell him a great deal of bravedo, but curiosity kept him hidden.

"You'll get hurt in the midst of it. You do realise that, right Donghyuck?" 

"It doesn't really matter to me. All I know is that this person is happy, and when they're happy I'm happy." Donghyuck spoke, but this time it was with the tinge of sadness mixed with the greatest amount of love Mark had ever seen. So, this was love. This was what love felt like - this warm, tingling feeling he had in his chest as he heard Donghyuck's voice. He sighed, as he forced himself away back to his room. Jaehyun wasn't back yet, so he simply sat on his bed as he pondered over this.

People often forgot with Donghyuck's bright personality, he still did have a heart which could be broken with just a few simple words. He wasn't one to put his heart out there for people to do so, and to think Donghyuck had the courtesy to hide his feelings for this person not for the fear of rejection, for the fear that that would cause bad publicity for them? What could be comparable to that but just true love? Mark couldn't remember the last time he had ever thought this deeply about his feelings or even spoken out about them to anyone, and to think Donghyuck had the same fears he had about love. Rejection was common to everyone, but fear of harming the others' reputation, fear of lack of privacy, these were things not everyone got relate to. They were the exact reasons why he hadn't pursued previous feelings, weren't they? Donghyuck was only a year younger then him, and suddenly that age gap didn't seem so much after all. They were both still teens, going through life with a hazy filter in front of their eyes, finding themselves with spotlights raining upon them as idols. 

He never had the will to pursue any feelings, for the fears would come back and remind him why he shouldn't. But, that didn't mean he was going to let Donghyuck feel miserable over these feelings that he couldn't control. It was time to do something as a _hyung_ , and that something was probably one of the stupidest things Mark could ever think about doing, but at that spur of the moment it felt right.

It was time for Operation Cupid - and a _hyung_ was about to help Donghyuck out.

* * *

Mark was seriously regretting the moment he decided to do this.

The first step to this was finding out more information about this crush. There were far too many people Donghyuck knew to guess, and besides he needed to know the identity of this person before he could do more secret actions to get them together. Currently, he had 2 options, which was to ask Donghyuck about it (which he cursed himself and almost fell over laughing when he wondered why he even thought of doing that, considering he was a hidden cupid) or to ask the next best thing, Taeyong. Mark wondered why he even knew about Donghyuck's crush in the first place. They were roommates, but that didn't mean Donghyuck was obliged to tell Taeyong about every single detail about him - especially his love life. The reason of Taeyong being the leader made a little more sense, he was after all supposed to be in charge about the members' wellbeing, and being miserable over a crush could be a cause for concern.

The clock striking 9 reminded him he had to hurry. Jaehyun and the rest of the members would be back shortly - that was what was claimed at least, and he certainly did not need them coming into Taeyong's room while he was blabbering about Donghyuck's love life.

He walked towards Taeyong's room casually, reminding myself not to look to suspicious as he turned at the door. Taeyong had been sitting by the lower bunk, currently in the midst of listening to something whilst looking at his book. The room had smelt of the strong fragrance of Febreeze, specifically the Lavender scent which was his personal favourite (Seriously who has a favourite air freshener scent?) Mark only shrugged as his nose got used to the scent.

He hadn't realised that a certain person had also been occupying the space by the study table, and was giving a rather suspicious expression as he eyed him carefully. Also the small, unrecognisable detail that his face had went a tad darker shade of red had went unnoticable to Mark.

"Oh, Mark- _hyung_ , good evening." Donghyuck greeted in English. That surprised Mark, but yet again their teacher was telling them that it was easier to learn the language if they practiced it often. More importantly, Donghyuck gave him a look that almost seemed to say - Why are you here right now?

 _If you only knew that I was here for you but also not for you at the same time._ "Good evening, Donghyuck." Mark gretted back in fluent English. English was his first language after all, and he did enjoy conversing to people with it.  " _Hyung_ , you wanted to meet me about discussing some lyrics?" Mark continued, while smiling at the younger whom had obviously taken a interest in this conversation. The younger simply gave a small nod and proceeded back to his previous activity, which was obviously an attempt to study more English. 

Taeyong finally looked up to meet Mark's eyes, as he stuttered, "Mark? I didn-" That caught the attention of the younger right away, as he whipped around to look at Mark with confused eyes.

 _Oh for the love of God play along._ Mark's eyes willed Taeyong as the leader slowly understood the situation, whilst still maintaining a smile. 

"Oh, sorry Mark, it must have slipped my mind." Taeyong laughed, but his eyes said different. He removed his headphones and stood from the bed, gesturing for Mark to come and sit by the bed as well.

Donghyuck seemed oblivious enough. Mark thought, as he proceeded to take a seat by Taeyong. Yet, as Mark was about to proceed with some bullshit about lyrics in hopes of somehow luring Donghyuck out, his wish came through with Donghyuck's words.

"Oh, hyungs I think it would be easier if you used the table. I'll go to the living room instead." Donghyuck quickly ushered himself out before Mark could even utter a thanks, not before saying, "Tell me when you are about to wrap it up!" He had a pause for the joke to be understood, considering it was in English, and then simply laughed at his witty remark before leaving, never losing eye contact with Mark until he left.

Mark was left half in awe and half in shock at it, but soon recovered by bursting into a fit of laughter.

Taeyong laughed nervously before he continued. "I still don't understand the joke."

"It's okay hyung, it was good while it lasted." Mark said.

"He never cracks these kinds of jokes. Only when you're around I guess. Great chemistry, you two have." Taeyong patted him on his back as he spoke. Mark grew more nervous. "Yeah.. I guess."

Taeyong's eyes finally grew more serious. "So, now can you tell me why you've had to lie to Donghyuck to come and see me?" His tone was more heavy, but still bore hints of cheekiness.

"I overheard your conversation with him about his.. crush." Mark continued. "I'm sorry about that. I really didn't mean it, hyung."

Taeyong's gaze became more serious as his eyes widened. Mark was sure he was upset about it, until he spoke again. "So, what are you trying to talk to me about?"

"I want to know more about this crush of his, hyung. I want to help him." Mark spoke with such determination even he was shocked. 

Mark could tell Taeyong was holding back laughter, but he didn't understand it, and he didn't think he had to. 

"So, what do you wish to know?" Taeyong spoke, although he seemed far more interested in the humour in the situation.

"Anything really. Gender, appearance, handphone number? Age? I just want to help them."

"Donghyuck made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone about specifics like names. I also am not allowed to show you pictures or share their handphone number."

"Right." There was a long pause after that.

"Go ahead and ask about anything else then, Mark."

"Okay hyung. Perhaps where they are from?"

"Overseas."

"Age?"

"Younger than 25."

"Occupation?"

"It's complicated. They hold 2 jobs."

"Date of birth?"

"Somewhere near the end of the year."

"When they met?"

"When they were pretty little. They practically grew up together."

"Does this person know the whole of NCT?"

"Yes. You could even say they know us well."

"Languages they speak?"

"Too specific. More than 1."

"Hyung, these descriptions are really vague. How am I supposed to help them with this?" Mark groaned. All the information could be about anyone really. Sure, you could narrow it down to a person working in their entertainment, but there were thousands of staff that knew them and were younger than 25, hundreds who were overseas and a lot of people knew more than 1 language. He couldn't narrow it down.

"My apologies, Mark, but I'm afraid I cannot tell you anymore. But Donghyuck isn't obliged to follow any rules about talking about his crush, so maybe you could talk to him instead? I mean, you are one of the closest members to him." Taeyong said as he stretched his arms. 

It made sense, but he really did not want Donghyuck to know about his knowledge of his crush. Perhaps he could talk to other members about it first, after all if Taeyong was in the loop, who was to think the others weren't?

Mark stood up and gave his goodbyes to Taeyong, before heading back to his room. He didn't forget to go and tell Donghyuck that he had finished his conversation, only to discover the boy on the living room sofa fast asleep.

In the morning when Donghyuck awakes to find himself literally wrapped up in a blanket with the note "I told you I would wrap it up" written in neat handwriting and in English next to him, Mark doesn't see the flush of colour that burns through his face and his ears, and the little smile that forms on his face.

* * *

Step Two: Finding out who else knew

That wasn't easy. Sure, the members were all pretty open when it came to sharing other personal things or stories, but love was another thing. They had had plenty of times they talked about girl groups and how they wanted to meet them personally, but it was more of admiration as well as simply the thrill of meeting them than true love. 

Mark got his opportunity to ask Jaehyun when he came back to his room. Actually scratch that, he came back to both Taeil and Jaehyun talking about something that Mark honestly didn't understand much of. As he met eyes with the two, they stopped and exchanged greetings, before Mark headed to his bed to rest.

Taeil left shortly after, and Jaehyun climbed up to his bed. Mark could tell the older was tired, dark undereye circles coupled with the fact his voice sounded a lot more groggy than usual. He took this chance to ask about Donghyuck, figuring the older wouldn't really be in the mood to ask questions, and would simply indulge him with answers.

" _Hyung_ ," Mark tried the first time, whispering. Jaehyun was pretty sensitive to sounds after all, and not before long he got a response.

"Yes?"

"Do you know about Donghyuck's.. uh." Mark paused, thinking about how he was going to phrase it. 

"Love interest per se?" Jaehyun answered before Mark could say anything. "If you are asking, yes, I do, but I am under certain guidelines about what I share."

"I've heard." Mark replied. He was a little confused as to how seemingly the older knew about it, considering it wasn't like Taeyong's case, but he kept quiet. "How did you know, _hyung_?"

"He told me around last week along with Taeil and Yuta. We were actually talking about it just now when you walked in, we weren't sure if you knew. He said he wanted us to know and he would get around to tell all of the members soon. I'd assumed Taeyong was the first to know about it."

"Go figure." Mark replied monotonously. He simply tossed and turned on his bed, wanting to find a more comfortable position. Donghyuck didn't tell him about his crush for any matter, but perhaps it was considering he had been pretty busy over the past week. Photoshoots, editorials, recordings, and he doubted Donghyuck would be the kind to be so open about such a private thing during a shoot. He just never got the opportunity.

"Do you know the name of this love interest?" Jaehyun asked, trying to keep himself awake, but Mark knew he was lying. 

"No. Should I be glad, for I would really like to kno-"

"He probably hasn't gotten round to telling you yet. He will, trust me Mark." Jaehyun cut him off, muttering from the top of the bed, tone indicating his exhaustion. Mark kept silent for a moment, brain trying to process what had happened. Jaehyun never cut people off like that so suddenly, and before that he was speaking again.

"He said he's been having some difficulties with telling it to Winwin considering the language barrier, but I've heard he's been trying to learn Mandarin for this, which is really funny considering how Winwin's face is going to look when he actually does tell him. Can you imagine him going up to his Mandarin teacher and asking how to confess in Mandarin?" Mark laughed at that remark, thinking about how Winwin's face would have looked if Donghyuck would actually do it. 

"Well, it's not like _hyung_ hasn't heard these things from someone before. Although, I think he's already taken." 

"Donghyuck had problems trying to tell me too, Mark. Don't get too discouraged. He said he would, so believe him and don't push him too hard for it. A good opportunity will present itself where he'll just come-"

"Out?"

"Clean... uh."

Both Jaehyun and Mark glanced at each other, each face burning a hot red as they realized what Mark had said, both minds racing with the same thoughts as Jaehyun vaguely said a quick good night and went silent. Mark's face couldn't have went any redder than this, as he simply pretended he hadn't said a word about this issue.

He didn't just wonder about if Donghyuck was gay, did he? A bitter laugh escaped his lips. It didn't make any sense, the gender pronouns were neutral, which could mean a girl as well, and plenty of female trainees knew him. And it wasn't like Donghyuck had mentioned anything of sorts of being bisexual or even talking about his inclination. Mark could only wonder, and why did he even think about the possibilities of it happening? 

His thoughts drifted to ones which were more personal. So what if Donghyuck was gay? Was that going to affect him at all? It wasn't as if Donghyuck would have a crush on him, considering how their relationship was more brotherly than anything, and furthermore it wasn't like it bothered him. He imagined Donghyuck's hand holding onto someone else's, walking side by side in the winter, as they turned a corner to a small cafe. He imagined Donghyuck laughing, talking away about how his day went, but not before asking for the other's. He imagined slow walks by the beach, watching the sunset and come up by the day, late night misadventures as they strolled along the streets. He imagined Donghyuck's flushed face, a slight smile which he would deny as a smirk, warm hands reaching onto his significant other's face, as he asked if he could kiss them...

Just then, he felt his heart tense, and he snapped back to reality. His heart was beating a little faster than usual, he could feel it, and his cheeks had flushed to a colour that was indescribable. He blinked his eyes several times, trying to get that mental image out of his head, as he forced his eyes shut and forced himself to relax on the bed.

 _It wasn't jealousy_. He denied. _It was simple curiosity._

Mark probably shouldn't have forgotten curiosity killed the cat.

 

 


	2. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck needs help from Mark, and they develop from unexpected circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this on my phone so excuse the shit formatting and THANK YOU FOR ALL THE NICE COMMENTS ON THE LAST CHAPTER!!
> 
> also side note the bullshit assignment you are about to read in step 3 is ACTUALLY INSPIRED BY an actual project my teachers had assigned when i was like 11? lmao it was so dumb i s2g teachers??? it was a group project and my group got love and it was so stupid everyone just bullshitted the project and we barely passed so yeah HAHA ENJOY
> 
> also there is a joke that might be considered nc16/r18 but honestly iTS NOT VERY EXPLICIT and they are HEALTHY TEENAGE BOYS who probably know stuff about the birds and the bees so calm yourself. i mean.... i know some people will still get offended, so if you don't want to know just skip to step 4.
> 
> also trigger warning this chapter talks about anxiety and stuff (idk if this is a trigger just putting it out there), feel free to skip this chapter if you feel uncomfortable. the next chapter should be up soon, but if you do skip this it won't be that much of a deal just well you miss a bit of markhyuck development
> 
> UPDATE: THE FIC HAS BEEN EXPANDED TO 5 CHAPTERS BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS

Step Three: Getting to Know One Half of the Story (For Both of Them)

Days past since the incident with Jaehyun, and Mark had no idea he would be venturing into the next portion of Operation Cupid until he stumbled upon Donghyuck in his room. Having freshly taken a shower, Mark stepped into his room, only to discover a certain someone sitting on the chair next to where Jaehyun and his bed were. The only problem was, the same someone was holding an English textbook, as he almost seemed passed out next to the bed frame. Mark only snickered at the sight, as he attempted to shake the other one awake.

"Oi, Haechan." Mark called, as the younger one didn't stir. Mark could only increase the volume of his words, this time using the younger's birth name instead. "Donghyuck? Wake up." Mark pressed his hands to the younger's face, shaking him in hopes that he would awaken. No such luck, but the younger started muttering what was heard to be a series of protests and pleas for him to sleep longer.

"Wake up Donghyuck! At least sleep on my bed if you were going to do this!" Mark grumbled, but wasn't truly annoyed as he came a concerned look to the stirring boy. As Donghyuck finally regained his attention, the two boys had finally realised the proximity between their faces and started to back away with an awkward grin smeared on each of their faces. Donghyuck's face was especially embarrassed, as he looked away from Mark for a few seconds as he replied. "Sorry, you just took so long. You called me to come here at 9:30, hyung. It's," Donghyuck paused for a moment to glance up at the time. "10:30."

"Sorry Donghyuck, I was busy doing some work."

"The 10 pm rule for minors,  _hyung_." Donghyuck playfully chided, but in reality it was more of a reminder than anything. Mark ran his fingers through his wet hair as Donghyuck continued, but his voice seemed to trail off at the sight of him.

"As I was saying, before you so nicely told me to come to discuss Englis... Wait, why is your hair wet?" Donghyuck ran through his hair jokingly. The boys looked at each other with shy liking, as Mark continued. "I took a shower."

"Well, your hair looks nice when its down." Donghyuck replied casually, but seemed to withdraw his remark as Mark looked at him. "I mean your hair usually looks good,  _hyung_ , it's just different. And different is good." He gave a smile to Mark as if to end that awkward statement, and Mark couldn't blame him. He simply raised an eyebrow, but just figured this reaction was from the fact he was suddenly awoken by him that he didn't have the urge to care much more about it.

"Anyways,  _hyung_ , I was having a bit of trouble regarding this English assignment, and well-"

"You need my help?" Mark raised his tone slightly, and Donghyuck simply nodded.

"Okay, let me read the assignment." Mark let the book fall on the table, as he asked Donghyuck to casually scoot over by the chair for him to get a glimpse of it. Their thighs brushed, and he heard what sounded like a squeal or at least a sound escaping from the singer's lips. 

"Are you.. okay?" Mark didn't seem like it, but he was really concerned. He wondered if Donghyuck was coming down with something.

"Yeah! Yeah, hyung, of course! Just continue." Donghyuck seemed calm enough, so Mark focused back onto the assignment. The essay titled "What is Life's True Meaning" was meant to be an assignment where students would need to write about what they personally thought was their life's true meaning. However, based on the footnotes and what was generally written on the paper, the essay topics were decided by the teacher, and considering their busy schedules, Mark doubted Donghyuck could do anything about the hard topic of ironically, love. 

Finally, Donghyuck acted in character, as he broke the silence. "Hyung, there's not enough space on this chair! You're squishing me!"

"Oh, then would you rather I sit on your lap?" Mark teased, but quickly regretted it as the younger's expression grew to be a more disturbed and embarrassed one. He looked away shyly, not wanting to meet the eyes of the older, as he quickly muttered something about the essay. "Uh, so hyung.. how am I going to write the paper?"

By then, Mark had actually taken in a stood to sit on. "Just go with your gut. Write about your feelings about love, what's the definition of love, what you think is love and so on. It doesn't have to be too lengthy or expressive, it just has to be sincere."

"But," Donghyuck hesitated. "I've never been in a relationship, and hyung, you're the only one who is older than me and can read and write good English. Could you give me some examples?"

Mark wanted to kill himself there and then. Examples of love? Donghyuck was the epitome of love considering how he spoke about his special someone. "Like.. I don't know, crushes or like any potential love interests? Or like what love means to you and why it's important in life. Honestly, I just feel this is an excuse for the teachers' to not get bored of the same politically correct bullshit we seem to love to write." 

Donghyuck's laugh could have been one of the loveliest things he heard all day, as Mark smiled shyly at the boy. He brushed hands with the other boy as he reached for a pencil to write some key pointers that Donghyuck could expand on later. "Maybe you would want to tell me more about your crushes? I can help you expand on your point."

Unlike him, Donghyuck was silent for a moment before he replied. "I really don't know how to describe a crush?" Mark wanted to call bullshit on it, but chose to stay silent. "I mean, I have had crushes, but there were mainly just infatuation. Everything about them was glorified to me, and I just know that isn't really love."

"But you said mainly. That means there are exceptions? Why not you describe them?" Mark didn't want to admit it, but he had a tiny little hope that Donghyuck would be talking about his current crush. From the looks of it previously, Donghyuck's crush was definitely not just a simple infactuation.

"Well, he's," Donghyuck started, but continued when Mark didn't object. "Wait, you're not freaked out by that?"

"Why would I?" Mark cocked an eyebrow at him and smiled. "Besides, Canada legalised gay marriage a long time ago. My parents knew a few queer couples, and I've had a few queer friends before  so it really isn't a shock for me. Anyways, continue. You seem to be really enthusiastic to talk about him." 

"He's just really talented and special. And such a hard worker, I've never seen someone so mesmerising and addicted to trying to become a better version of themselves. Besides that, he's a really caring person and is so positive towards life. I've never seen someone like that, especially how he never gives up despite how tired he is although he is practically half dead. Although we talk a lot, he doesn't know about this crush at all. And then there's that other side of him, the side which I get to see, where I see him during work hours, and he's working alone because he is so passionate and so in touch with music. It's like a perfect partnership between them, and it's almost sinful that I would ever come between them."

"But you love music too. I believe any musician should." Mark interrupted.

"He's different, hyung. His eyes light up and he gets so happy when he gets a line right or when the song is done. He's so lively when I see him during shows and I swear to God if I could just tell him! Oh God." At this point, Mark could feel this foreign feeling in him which him couldn't explain, it felt like something in him was churning and turning his insides. Somehow, he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, and it was a weird sensation of discomfort yet heaviness that he hoped Donghyuck hadn’t noticed. He tried his best to conceal it, smiling along, but some of the light in his eyes died out as Donghyuck continued on about his crush. 

"Yet, there's something that makes him so different from everyone else. He might be this talented, hard working guy who works tirelessly without asking for anything in return, but there's this one more side of him. The side which displays his lack of cooking skill, his awkwardness with everyone, his capability to work hard. The way he speaks, the way his eyes seem to smile, the way his face seems to be genetically engineered to just look perfect. His looks are one thing, but his personality and everything. I just.." Mark didn't realise Donghyuck had stopped speaking until he placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hyung?" He called out, as Mark turned to look at the boy. His face was still red from the previous conversation, but it had become pale. Sweat was dripping down each of the boy's faces, and Mark wasn't sure was it because of the Korean summer or just nerves from thinking too hard and feeling too much about this issue. Mark felt the feeling rise and fall again in his stomach. He gazed at Donghyuck, as his eyes only spelt concern as the younger boy grabbed the older's both shoulders, looking around with the most anxious expression that Mark could ever imagine. 

Mark's heart was racing at this point of time, and he didn't know why it was. The world had momentarily gone silent on him. His mind was whirling with thoughts about the younger as well as just general ones. He didn't know why, but his breathing became shallow and ragged, hands trembling and body shaking. Donghyuck's hands were holding his at this point of time, whispering comforting words. The younger didn't attempt to get nearer, which Mark was a little thankful for, because he was starting to feel claustrophobic. Donghyuck's hands were soft but more importantly, warm, and Mark didn't know how tightly he had been holding them, and at that point Donghyuck didn't seem to care. Mark's hearing was muffled and vision blurry, he could barely fathom the situation but he made out Donghyuck's instructions on teaching him to follow his breathing. He couldn't reply, for he realised only when he tasted salt that he had been crying, and felt his hoarse throat that he had been screaming. His breathing became more regular as he glanced at Donghyuck, whom seemed to be counting down and giving small compliments and encouragements with the instructions. 

It felt like his head had been so heavy as Donghyuck held his hands tightly and asked in the softest voice he could seem to muster. "Mark, are you okay?" 

Normally, Mark would have asked him about the honorific, but he needed to hear his name at this point of time. He needed to hear it in that tone, needed to have it said with such tenderness and care. His throat burned as he tried to speak. "I.. I.. Donghyuck.."

Donghyuck held him closer, and Mark could feel the warmth radiating off of him as he spoke. Mark could feel his heart racing, arms shaking as he spoke. He could feel his chest rise and fall as he continued with more comforting words, their faces looking at each other with such proximity that Mark could see every small detail of Donghyuck's face. The way his eyebrow rose and moved in such an animated manner when he spoke, his eyes with so much light of youth and hope in them that comforted him in a manner which was indescribable. The way his nose twitched, while his hands trailed his back to rub small circles at the small of his back. He could feel his chest becoming less constricted, his eyes in pain from crying, his body tormented and exhausted. 

Donghyuck's tone was almost as soft as a feather as he whispered into Mark's ear. "I know the feeling. You're going to be fine, because that's whom you are. You are Mark Lee Minhyung, and you're the only one who can be him. You are who you are inside and out, and you are good enough. I know it." His other hand held Mark's head carefully, fingertips nimble as he guided Mark to rest his head on his shoulders. The warmth was intensified, and Mark's cheek was practically a negligible distance away from the other's. He could smell Donghyuck's soap on him, and it smelt of nothing but the warmth of the sun and the comfort of home. 

Worry flashed across Mark's mind momentarily, but the distance and the warmth remained as Donghyuck was still, hands running through Mark's hair, and there was no amount of gratitude Mark could have shown to the Earth, Moon and Stars at that moment in time. It was as if time had stood still.

The children's nursery rhyme sang in his head.   _You never know, dear, how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away._

* * *

Mark doesn't expect to awake to streams of sunlight coming through the bedroom window with realisation only hitting him when he hears no sounds from Jaehyun stirring, but instead a younger boy sitting by the same white chair from his study, who is fast asleep next to his bed. The light hits the same boy, and Mark refuses to admit that for that small moment, that boy seemed to be the brightest star he had ever seen in his life.

His mind may come to that conclusion, but his heart says otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to those confused what happened to mark in step 3, it was a panic attack. and as someone with anxiety issues, my panic attacks get triggered by really unfathomable things, especially if i think too much about something and worry about something.
> 
> fyi, the descriptions of the attack are based off my own experience.
> 
> let's all remember in my fic mark is 17 years old and this is before nct dream BUT he was/is still dealing with just being a (soon-to-be) leader for the kids and just DEBUTING 2 (soon to be 3) TIMES IS VERY STRESSFUL. it is to be implied in my fic donghyuck's crush talk isn't actually the only reason for the attack, but it is the trigger, for mark is worrying for him in the future.
> 
> i am NOT trying to make fun of panic attacks. as someone who gets them, i would NEVER make fun of them because they are really scary and this fic is not trying in any way to do that. this fic also does not imply irl mark would or should or has gotten panic attacks, because i am NOT cursing him to get any because they suck, and i don't know (and i hope not) if he has ever gotten any.
> 
> let's all remember its a FANFIC and BE MATURE about it!!
> 
> link for more explanations: http://www.anxietycoach.com/causes-panic-attacks.html


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark realises that he has feelings and makes a really stupid mistake. Donghyuck is confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i s2g mark why are you so oblivious about YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS DONGHYUCK PLEASE.
> 
> yet again i am the one writing about them so i should be screaming @ myself lmao
> 
> also time to eat my words with the tag nct dream is VERY VAGUELY mentioned lmao also one of the other dream members ARE LITERALLY DIRECTLY mentioned. am i going to change the tag? no because i'm lazy lmao 
> 
> btw i was just watching the 2016 asia song festival on the v app and omg it was so bomb lmao. NCT DREAM AND 127 PERFORMED!! i just felt bad for mark and donghyuck tho it was literally nct dream then one act in between them then nct 127 I WAS CHEERING FOR THEM EXTRA HARD FOR THAT #LETMYKIDSSLEEP all our children were so so so good also YUTA WAS MC-ING WITH LEE TEUK AND I HAD SO MUCH FEELS. good job boys!! for those who didn't manage to watch it, i'm so sure v music is going to re-upload it for playback soon, so don't fret!! our nct boys were amazing :-)
> 
> on another note , thank you for all the nice comments! it really is the icing on top of the cake of writing this fic!
> 
> UPDATE: LET'S PRETEND I DIDN'T JUST EXTEND THE FIC TO 7 CHAPTERS HAHA TOTALLY NOT!!!!

Step 4: Setting Up The Two Lovebirds.

Mark was never this happy over a single performance. Sure, he enjoyed the thrill of sharing his music and message with others, loved all aspects of it. Usually, he would say it was because of the fact he got to play music, but this was an exception, as it was the fact that it was a great distraction from the incident that had past a few weeks ago, and there were other reasons he needed this opportunity.

Before this, Mark couldn't seem to shake off that incident. It had been almost a year since the last one, so he hadn't been expecting another panic attack to come. Donghyuck had insisted for him to go see a psychologist or at least a doctor, which Mark had had initial objections too, but when Donghyuck managed to get all the members, both debuted and soon-to-be debuted, to tell him every single second of his living life to go get it checked out, Mark eventually caved in. The doctor had said it was normal, considering he was a healthy 17 year old whom had literally debuted twice, and soon to be debuting three times in the span of less than a year, the stress of extra practices, recordings and shows didn't exactly help the case, with the additional fact he was so far away from home and that he was supposed to be the leader of the next group. However, what he didn't expect was for the doctor to go on about questions on the trigger, which Mark honestly couldn't seem to tell him that he had heard his band member talk endlessly about his crush which made him hyperventilate.

Luckily, the doctor wasn't that interested in the details and he barely let him off with a little counselling and a soft pat on the shoulder.

After that, Mark never really interacted to Donghyuck. He was still the usual, mischievous, youthful, energetic little rascal whom teased and laughed, who had one of the most melodious voices Mark had ever seen. He still was the same person, but the feeling he got with Donghyuck had evolved so much. Every time they met eye contact, Mark would instantaneously remember the incident, one where Donghyuck's voice could have been comparable to one of angels and touches as warm as the sun. From the looks of it, Donghyuck had the same reaction to him as well, as both boys would look away in embarrassment or awkwardness, neither knew, but a slight flush of colour would appear on each other's cheeks as they would attempt to dismiss all thoughts of the incident from their minds, but neither seemed to be successful.

Weeks past and Mark didn't know what to do besides do the usual, robotic routine he had developed over the years in Korea. It was waking up to either eat, go record, practice, write music or prepare for performances with hair and makeup. Then, after the day was over, if he had been lucky he would have gotten the chance to go to school with Donghyuck and come back to food and probably more work. He didn't mind it, just that the days became more dreadful considering the only thing he really looked forward to was rest and relaxation if he could ever call it that, in school, with Donghyuck mindlessly chatting away about some stupid news story he probably caught a 1 second glimpse off while half nodding off in the car. And even that was spoiled but none other than him.

The animosity gave Mark time to think to himself - about how his life was going. Sure, he was pretty fortunate, he had a stable career and friends whom he could rely on here in this foreign country. He was happy making music and just overwhelmed with how happy he was over how busy they were, but there was something that was bothering him, and he could only narrow it down to the fact Donghyuck had been avoiding him. He wasn't upset per se, but even he could tell Donghyuck's behaviour completely changed after the incident. And he knew, it wasn't because he had a panic attack in front of him, Donghyuck had seen him the last time he had had one, and had been completely fine after that whole ordeal, which only led Mark to suspect he had said something subconsciously during that attack that he hadn't realised was so impactful, or it was something personal about Donghyuck that was just coincidentally happening at the same time his attack happened. But that didn't explain the avoidance, so Mark chose to believe in the former.

He had tried to talk to Donghyuck about it, but the younger was pretty good at sneaking away at convenient times. The last time the unit had went to the studio, mark had attempted to sit next to Donghyuck in the vehicle, but he had somehow managed to convince Yuta to sit next to him, leaving Mark to sit with Taeil by the back. He could only see the back of his head, but he felt a lot less comfortable than he usually was. It was the same people, same vehicle, same atmosphere, but how their relationship had shifted was something he had to get used to. At the studio, Donghyuck had attempted to convince everyone the only reason why he wasn't standing next to Mark like the usual when recording was because he was a vocalist and he was planning on discussing things with Taeil, but when Taeyong moved over in replacement, mark could have swore Taeyong muttering 'bullshit' on it, and he couldn't be more happy to second that opinion.

He got another chance when they were coming back from practice and recording. The sun had set a while back, and in its place was just the darkest night Mark had ever seen. He wondered if his heart was growing that dark with how everything was affecting him. Taeyong was speaking about something with regards to sitting arrangements, but at this point he hadn't really bothered to listen but simply give a weak smile, hoping it didn't look as if he wasn't paying attention. He slid himself to the nearest window seat, for he had noticed there were seemingly thousands of stars which covered the night sky like a blanket. Some of them were bunched together, huddling like a pack or a tribe, one big uniformed group. Then there were stray stars, but they shone just as brightly, just alone, much further away in the distance. Mark knew some of those stars were dead, he wasn't going to deny the knowledge he had gotten from his science fiction novels, but he hoped he too could be that energetic and bright despite hardship.

He felt the vehicle start to move as he grabbed the seat belt to buckle it, only to realise that someone was sitting next to him, hand blocking the seat together where Mark was supposed to clasp the latchplate to. A cap was blocking his face, and Mark could tell from the soft snores that he had been asleep. Mark had his suspicions on who it was, and knowingly he gingerly lifted the other's hand to firmly attach his seat belt, only to realise the other's hand was not letting go. The warmth confirmed his suspicions, and he wasn't sure whether to be shocked or confused about the action. He definitely told Donghyuck something weird that night, for this behaviour was not only out of the ordinary, but could be even considered as something vaguely romantic. And didn't Donghyuck have a crush already? It didn't make any sense for this to be happening.

Something in him compelled Mark to understand more. He had to, he had to know what had happened between the two besides the bits and pieces he could remember. He wanted to salvage the relationship they had currently, wanted to restore it back to normal, but he never knew what to do or how to say it.

His heart skipped ten beats when he felt Donghyuck stirring beside him. Their hands were still held tightly together and the other didn't seem to want to let go any moment. Mark could convince himself that he was just doing this because he felt bad, but a tiny voice inside of him whispered back otherwise. _You love him._

Mark wanted to deny this feeling he had inside of him, but the more he thought the more it made sense. The way Donghyuck's touches were so comforting, the things his voice did to him. How he always noticed Donghyuck's little mannerisms, the little bits of him which were fragile unlike his usual personality, his little jeers on Taeyong and his overused 'TY track' jokes which somehow only Mark found funny. The teasing side of him which could find a bright side to every situation, always wanting to make things better. That was Donghyuck, a ray of sunlight which he hoped would never be forgotten or forsaken, a beacon of hope, a lit flame in darkness. And Mark noticed every single inch of that, every single flaw, every single strength which made him who he was. Yet again, Mark was a seventeen year old kid who didn't know the next thing it was to love

There was this small suspicion that the crush that Donghyuck had been talking about was him - it explained a lot, but he really didn't believe that ever in his life someone as good as Donghyuck would find anything to like about him. He was just a starry eyed boy who loved music and wanted the best for everyone, and he doubted Donghyuck could find anything in him that was considered anything remarkable enough to even crush on. Yet his heart told him that crushes worked like that, he couldn't explain why he had fell for most of his crushes' anyways. That was comforting for a second, but he knew that could never happen. Love didn't work like that, and he wasn't that lucky. _Although you could be._ That was what his heart wanted, but his brain said otherwise.

A sour feeling washed over Mark as he recalled the way Donghyuck had spoken about his crush with such energy and passion. He wasn't about to take that way from the boy at any time, in fact he was even more compelled to help him find love. At least one of them could be happy, and Mark could continue to pretend he was fine. There was music, there was company, everything was good. Korea had always been his second home, and he was going to be fine.

The sun would stop shining as brightly, and there would be no more warmth. Mark could only hope the darkness of time and the cold of loneliness could mend broken hearts.

* * *

Mark couldn't help but feel like laughing at the thought that he was nervous over this stupid performance.

Firstly, this was just a practice rehearsal for the actual one, which meant even if he screwed up on that hoverboard which he tried so hard to perfect, it wouldn't be in front of thousands of people screaming and chanting their name. Plus, the only humiliation he would receive would be from Donghyuck whom would probably laugh so hard he'd fall off his own device, so that made for two embarrassed people.

Secondly, this was him whom had debuted two times before this and had honestly had bigger issues with trying not to be the one who screwed things up considering he was the youngest of the bunch. The stage should have became second nature to him by now considering the number of times he had to stand on it to perform the same few title songs he had with each unit.

Thirdly, he had more pressing thoughts like how he had heard rumours that Donghyuck had apparently set up a date with his crush after the actual rehearsal and Mark was going to be there to make sure everything went well, no matter how much it hurt him.

They had just gotten back to the dorms and Donghyuck had raced back to his shared room with Taeyong before Mark could even shut the door. Mark had known Taeyong would be out for recording today, so Mark had taken precautions by asking the details of this "date" Donghyuck was about to have yesterday night in his room with all the hyungs present as Donghyuck was asleep. Taeyong had spilt all about it, however somehow all of them didn't seem convinced it would happen, dismissing it immediately as it to be a date besides a few people who simply didn't have an opinion on it. Taeyong told them to just assume it as a date and be happy for the maknae, but Mark at least wanted to pretend that deep inside his mission was to ensure there was nothing bad about to happen to this date because he cared for Donghyuck as a brother.

He was also going to pretend he wasn't jealous.

Mark straightened his shirt, although he didn't really know why he was doing that considering he had no one to impress and he was basically doing what could also be known as stalking. He heard the sound of a door knock turning along with footsteps, and Mark knew it was Donghyuck, considering the rest had either went for recording or have other activities in the dorm, leaving Donghyuck the only one who had the ability to slip away. Mark followed slyly one step behind, as Jisung caught his eye and gave a slight smile at him as if he has already figured out his motive.

Mark followed Donghyuck to a small park near their dorm as he decided to sit by a nearby café to observe what was about to happen next. He waited patiently for about 15 minutes before a boy of similar height to Donghyuck's appeared from the other side of the road, walking towards him as he waved. He had jet black hair and was wearing a grey sweatshirt along with a pair of nice black jeans and sneakers, as he laughed and ran up to Donghyuck to give him a small hug. Donghyuck's following smile was one that Mark hadn't seen in a while.

They talked for a while, before Mark noticed that the boy had a SOPA badge on his backpack and that he looked rather familiar, before everything clicked in place and Mark remembered seeing him in their company's headquarters one time.

At the end of it, the black haired boy handed Donghyuck a file which seemed to hold a bunch of papers as he bid him farewell, picking up his backpack and walking away while smirking. Mark couldn't take it anymore but simply chose to stand up and leave the establishment, but not before his eyes caught a glimpse of Donghyuck giving another hug to the other, with such sincerity that Mark had to force himself to look away.

He hoped no one had seen the tear that dripped down his cheek as he walked away.

* * *

 

The day of the performance came sooner than he expected it, but Mark couldn't seem to feel any energy outside the performance. Sure, on stage he had sung his heart out and performed his new rap with the new unit, but inside he knew he was lacking in everything else.

He was in the midst of thanking all the staff for their time when he bumped into Donghyuck again. Their relationship had became less strained since the last time, and had almost returned to be the same as before, just with some awkward moments here and there. 

Donghyuck was practically glowing there and then, and Mark didn't know why. "You were great out there."

"Thank you, hyung. You were great as well." 

"I heard from Taeyong that you had a date a few days back. Congratulations, I guess you finally decided to confess, huh?" Mark tried to sound as happy as possible, but the enthusiasm died down in his throat as soon as he thought about it.

"Date?" Donghyuck was at a loss of words, and Mark couldn't blame him. He had dropped a major bomb on him after all.

"You don't need to deny it, Donghyuck. Hope that guy is good for you. He sounds nice, you should really go and make it clear to him that you love him." Mark wanted to punch himself for just saying anything at all. The sour feeling came back again.

Donghyuck cocked an eyebrow, almost as if he had been confused.

"You should be genuine with your feelings and just tell him before it's too late. I'm telling you as a hyung, so don't go not do it." Mark continued, almsot wanting to scream at himself for the irony.

"You really think so?" Donghyuck replied. Mark could only choke out his words. "I know so. I hope you'll be happy with him." 

Donghyuck had gave him the warmest smile he had ever seen, before he heard his stylist call him up about a matter which Mark had no interest in. As Donghyuck left his vision, Mark's body gave way and collapsed on the floor, letting the wall be his support.

The cold was cruel, but Mark willed himself to endure it. Because that was who he was. However, he was going to give himself an allowance for his emotions to show, and this was the limit.

He was sure he was an elephant in his past life, for the pain of a broken heart felt comparable to death in that instant.


	4. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way to a man's heart is through his stomach - proven by both Mark and Donghyuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEADCANON THAT DONGHYUK LOVES MASTERCHEF especially when they judge the dishes and ROAST THE CONTESTANTS LMAO i s2g this boy with his COOKING SKILLS???
> 
> also can i just say how adorable jisung is but i have this hc that under that exterior he's actually a savage beast HAHAA 
> 
> i was just rewatching nct life in paju and just thinking about the boys cooking their group dinner and holy shit donghyuck and mark's moment cutting the garlic tho HAHAHA meanwhile me here only knowing how to cook ramen and microwavable food GREAT JOB ME totally doing this right
> 
> enough with the angst let's get back to happy times with my boys AND I GUESS ER DONGHYUCK IS  
> OOC AND IM SORRY IDK HOW TO WRITE HIM???? but this is just seriously domestic fluff lmao
> 
> also i think this fic might be expanded again LOL WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH I CAN WRITE FOR THIS CHAPTER  
> OK IT GOT EXPANDED BECAUSE i really want to update this fic daily but to do so i have to make the chapters shorter so there will be more chapters instead ok?

He didn't understand how feelings could be so hard to deal with until that day. Mark did realise he was deteriorating, he barely left the dorm unless he needed to, which was to stand on a stage in front of people and perform or for practices. He ate and slept as usual, it was almost routine like, but it was only for the fact if he didn't, he would be slacking off and something he still had in him was the pride of being in this group, and in no means was he going to jeopardise his role, especially being the new leader of the newest unit.

He wondered how he could continue to smile on that stage so brightly. He could have slept the whole day and night, but on stage he would still feel that he lacked lust in his performance. No matter how much practice he put in, his movements felt sloppy and rigid, often never in sync with the others or with the music. He had already been used to the scoldings and dirty looks his dance teacher gave him, and he knew the boys weren't trying to purposely make him feel worse, but the silence from them seemed as if it was already a given that he was a failure.

The worst part about it was he was condoned to spend all his time with the person whom had caused all of this. Mark didn't want to blame him for it, but the reality was that he had to see his pretty little face every single living, breathing moment he spent awake. The worst part was probably that now since NCT U and NCT 127 weren't as active as the new NCT Dream unit, their schedules were always synced up, and the fact he was the oldest in the group wasn't the best thing that fate could have done, considering he had to be the 'hyung', the one who was setting the example for the members to follow, however he was the one who needed the most help.

It didn't help that Donghyuck had been so desperately trying to get to know what was going on. There had been times Donghyuck had purposefully stood outside his door to hopefully get an opportunity to talk to him, but with the help of Jaehyun, Mark had managed to escape that. Then there was the time he had purposefully made Jeno swap places with him so he could sit next to Mark, but Mark made a consensus decision to sit next to their manager instead with the excuse that he was called to do so, but from one look at Donghyuck's gaze he knew Donghyuck didn't believe it for one bit. Mark almost didn't get away the last time when Donghyuck cornered him in his own very room to ask about what was happening. Mark wished he hadn't caught himself staring at Donghyuck's beautiful eyes and the curve of his jaw as he spoke. 

Time almost seemed to stop as the following weeks past. Mark hadn't had any motivation to do anything at this point of time, besides stay in his room and think about what his life was reduced to. How a single starry eyed boy with big dreams and a lovely smile could affect him so much, especially how the events turned out to be. Mark knew that Donghyuck had been going out much more frequently than usual, and he had at least half a brain to know who he was going to meet.

He heard a rap on his door before Donghyuck burst through the door, waking in as he grabbed Mark's hand and pulled him up. Mark almost felt like a rag doll, and didn't put up any resistance as Donghyuck set up him to sit comfortably on his bed. 

"Come on, Mark-hyung." Donghyuck whined, giving him the most beady eyes that Mark had ever seen. Mark wanted to fight every single bone in him which told him to just say yes, but eventually he gave in. "Just leave me to die, Donghyuck."

"Look, I don't know why you have been like this," Well, go figure Donghyuck, guess who's the lucky one who's causing me to feel this way. "And you don't want me to know, so I'll respect that, but you have to eat. You can't just lie in bed all day and feel terrible."

"Fight me, Donghyuck." Mark muttered.

"Fight manager-hyung when he comes looking for you." The threat didn't register until Donghyuck continued. "Or fight Jisung when he comes." And with that, Mark was up. He didn't want to imagine having to fight either of them, but especially not the youngest member. 

Donghyuck sat on the bed, much to Mark's surprise, as he gestured to Mark to wrap his arms around his neck. Mark could feel his neck heat up, but he knew he was the one who's heart was pounding so quickly he could have swore he almost felt it pop out of his chest. His ears were only filled with the sounds of his breathing, one so heavy and strong that it almost overwhelmed him. As he did so, he heard Donghyuck's soft counting, before he grabbed Mark by the back and almost scooped him up in a piggy back.

Mark could have swore that he felt his soul leave him at that very moment.

"Well thank the gods you're light as a feather." Donghyuck teased, as he walked over to the chair and let Mark sit down carefully. He seemed to find humour in the situation, assuming after seeing Mark's confused yet slightly embarrassed face, he had gotten the last bit of decency to explain himself. "You teased me with sitting on my lap, so I might as well return the favour."

"Is this supposed to be a competition?" Mark asked, in an attempt to sound serious, but he knew that his tone had risen slightly and a small smile was beginning to form. He couldn't deny the boy of anything, could he? Mark only realised he was always smiling around the boy unless he couldn't help it, and that was just how Donghyuck was, how his aura could shift atmospheres and change moods. That was just one more part of him that Mark loved. "If so, I would like to bring up the hand-holding incident that we had during the car ride back to the dorm a few weeks back."

"I initiated that by grabbing your hand first, just to clarify that." Mark was surprised at how natural Donghyuck had been with it. he would have at least thought there would be more reaction when he brought up the incident, but the fact there was little care to it just highlighted again that he was the only one who actually thought that much into it.

"Just to add on, I continued holding your hand. Call me a gentleman or what?" Mark winked. He wished he could deny it, but he was feeling much better having Donghyuck here, and he wondered why he ever wanted to avoid him in the first place. Sure, he could still feel some semblance of hurt somewhere deep in his heart, but it had cleared up by a lot, and Donghyuck had been the only one who had been able to at least get close to helping him get back to his feet. The worst part of it, wasn't that Mark would probably never get the chance to tell him his feelings, but it was the fact that Donghyuck had been the reason for this hurt in the first place, yet because of it, unless Mark moved on there would always be this part of him which would crave for Donghyuck to come back.

Mark gulped as he thought of it. It would hurt too much - after all, moving on was always the hardest part, to forget and look forward. He couldn't imagine himself having to tear his heart away from Donghyuck's presence, to forget how his heart reacted when he even caught a glimpse of the younger boy, or to forget how his breath would become bated whenever he would hear someone mention his name. How his heart would sink when someone would even touch his shoulders or stand too near him, or how he was so open with everyone that it just hurt. The worst part was he would never be able to tell him that it was just plain painful that it was happening.

"A gentleman is one who stands by someone even when they are at their weakest point. That's what call dedication, my friend. And I would recall, my very valuable qualities were displayed when I helped with a certain incident, wouldn't you say?" Donghyuck countered, smirking as he placed a hand to Mark's left shoulder. That made a very disgusting feeling come up in Mark once more, and he quickly deflected the comment. "I give in." Mark hoped it sounded as if he was truly defeated, not because he could feel the bile come up his throat, and it was just uncomfortable to talk about it this early, especially when it was still a raw topic to talk about.

"A pity, because I was about to do the most gentlemanly thing to win you over - literally, which was to cook you a meal, _my love_." 

"You tease. Also how is that gentlemanly, isn't it more wife-like than anything?"

"Gender roles and whatever, I aim to please, _darling_." Donghyuck's laugh could be heard from the kitchen as he started to walk away, only leaving behind a fit of giggles.

Mark left his seat, for god knows what reason he himself did not know, perhaps for the fact he wanted to see what the boy was up to, another side telling him that he just plainly wanted to see the boy, and replied. "Is this supposed to be a habit no-"

"Just sit tight will you, _honey_."

"One day you'll run out of vocabulary to use considering how you are." Mark rolled his eyes dramatically, although he knew Donghyuck wouldn't take any offence to the action. Donghyuck may have been the youngest member for a while, but he read feelings rather well and knew that he was just joking.

"Well, maybe you could teach me more words, _hyung_ ," Donghyuck paused, and what replaced him was the sound of fire crackling. "And what did you mean by that-" He was cut off by the sound of steam rising from the saucepan. Mark could see it, it was a visual cloud which caused Mark a bit of concern, but he wasn't the expert in the kitchen, heck he could be even said to be the worst chef in the whole group, and so he figured it was nothing to be concerned about.

"Calm your horses, _handsome_." Donghyuck's voice had rose a couple octaves, and you could tell from his voice that he was a bit worried. He wiped the beads of sweat from his head, and Mark could see it. Donghyuck was glistening, glistening in sweat and passion from the small light which glimmered from the window panes, eyes filled of focus and concentration, and he couldn't take his eyes of him. How his arm rose and fell as he lifted the spoon from the pan, stirring and sampling as he went along. Mark knew Donghyuck had been muttering praises about his food since the start, and for good reason, as the food smelt incredible. He really wished at this point he hadn't left his seat outside, for he was falling very, very, hard, and he couldn't do a single thing about it.

Mark had to take this attention and divert it to somewhere else, and if he could just control his raging hormones in him to look far away and forget that his attractive mess of a crush was standing right in front of him calling him pet names and cooking a meal for him as if they were dating, that would had be greatly appreciated, however his heart had other plans.

The oven's ding had Donghyuck moving to the other part of the kitchen, seemingly to take out this covered dish before lifting the saucepan and ladling sauce over it. Lucky for him, the scent of the food caught Mark's attention and diverted his focus to somewhere else. "Running out of names already? Two can play on that game. Still on your Masterchef binge watch, _lovely_?" At the sound of the pet name, Donghyuck froze for that second before he casted a smile at Mark. As the two went to the table to sit, Donghyuck placed the dish in front of Mark and took a seat next to him.

"Please describe me your dish." Mark described in true Masterchef fashion. Donghyuck's smile grew larger.

"Chef, this is Korean Teriyaki Chicken based in marinade made from maple syrup on top of a bed of rice. I hope you will enjoy it." Donghyuck did a bow and that only made Mark flush. He took a bite of the dish and his taste buds sang. He didn't understand why it was so delicious before Donghyuck started to explain. "You were feeling pretty down so I thought it could be homesickness. I looked up recipes on the Internet and I thought this recipe was a good way to introduce both parts of you - Korea and Canada, into one. Hope I'm not endorsing any stereotypes." In that instant, Mark was suddenly reminded why Donghyuck felt so much like the comfort of home. "Chef, what are your feelings towards this dish?"

"It's delicious." Mark spoke before Donghyuck could finish his question. Both boys made eye contact and laughed. Mark had no words to describe the feeling he was experiencing at this point, as he felt a mixture of happiness and satisfaction and he didn't know that something could be this appetising. 

"For a second, I thought _hyung_ was going to go Gordan Ramsay on me and throw the plate into the trash."

"You've got the wrong judge there, it's Bastianich who does that, not Ramsay. But since he left I guess Ramsay's the next best option." Mark retorted. A flash of glee spread across Donghyuck's face. "So you do watch Masterchef! I knew it!" His eyes almost seem to spell that he was screaming excitement, as if he had assumed Mark had the same passion for cooking as he had. Mark was tempted to laugh, but he restrained himself.

"Very funny, Donghyuck, but unlike you I have no interest in cooking."

"That's because you're terrible at it, _hyung_. Also what happened to the name? I was just getting used to being called something else than annoying." Donghyuck joked, as he crossed his arms as if he was actually angry. Mark could only entertain the other. "It doesn't bother you? The names?"

"Just don't say it at interviews. Or in front of other people. Taeyong-hyung will have my head. Okay, _lovebird?_ " The wink sealed his fate. Mark had to fight every bone in his body not to scream or throw a chair at him for obvious reasons.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some random trivia i like how this fic has become me crying over my real life lmao rn LITERALLY I AM MARK IN THIS "ONE SIDED" FEELINGS THING ???? HELP
> 
> btw bts wings is so good much random but yeah I LOVE IT
> 
> initial plan: 5 events in this chapter ok carm you are going to write the climax rn.  
> *writes 1000 words of domestic fluff* well fuck time to extend it.
> 
> recipe that donghyuck uses: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/28366/maple-syrup-korean-teriyaki-chicken/?internalSource=hub%20recipe&referringId=700&referringContentType=recipe%20hub&clickId=cardslot%2032


	5. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark wonders and Donghyuck is ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the climax of this whole series really  
> tHIS IS A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS
> 
> i'm so sorry the update took so long holy shit i s2g i type so slowly.
> 
> btw this amusement park is based on hong kong disneyland because idk how korea's amusement parks plan their floorplan and i wanted theRE TO BE THIS NICE FRONT PART FOR THEM TO WALK LOL so yeah oops not accurate at all
> 
> let's pretend that every community accepts their boys okay :-) aND EVERYONE SHIPS THEM
> 
> UPDATE: IDK HOW MANY CHAPTERS THIS IS GOING TO BE LOL but this is 1000% the MOST IMPT CHAPTER OF THE WHOLE FIC SO PLS ENJOY

Donghyuck had left the dorms without anyone's knowledge once again, and the creak of the door sounded so loudly that it was almost comparable to the heavy bittersweet feeling he had in his heart.

Mark couldn't help but wonder what would happen in the future. Would time heal his wounds? Would he get over Donghyuck and find someone for him, just like how Donghyuck and the raven haired boy had been? Would he ever feel okay to talk to Donghyuck, smile at him, without any emotional attachment?

He didn't want to say anything anymore, nor did he want Donghyuck to worry. After the previous meal, he had felt so much better, and he didn't need the younger boy to keep treating him like a piece of fragile porcelain.

What he didn't expect was to be shown a ticket to go for an amusement park with Donghyuck himself, and he found himself in a situation where he couldn't reject the bright smile that was on the other boy's face.

His eyes focused on the wide array of balloons as screams of children filled the air. It was a pretty warm day for an autumn, and Mark had opted for simple black jeans along with a plain grey sweater, topped off with a baseball cap to hide his unusually dyed hair. Tapping his fingers on his phone, he leaned by the lamp post for a sight of a familiar someone. How did Donghyuck ever get approval to go to the amusement park with him in the first place was the biggest mystery, especially with their popularity and how it wasn't going to be done as a documentary on the V-app. 

His breath seemed to catch itself as he made eye contact with the other boy. He was wearing sunglasses for the matter, with a light grey cardigan over a thin white tee. Slipping the pair off headphones of his head, he let them hang loosely around his neck, and Mark could almost hear the muffled sounds of the music considering the volume Donghyuck had liked them.  A pair of converse sneakers on his feet, he strode toward Mark, waving as he placed his hands in his pockets of his jeans, seemingly to find their tickets, but all Mark was trying to do was think about other things other than the fact Donghyuck's jeans were practically hugging his legs so well that Mark could cry.

 _I wouldn't have came if I had knew he would look like that on our first date. Wait, date?_ Mark thought, as the younger approached him, gesturing to the entrance as he passed the tickets to the staff. The thought of the raven haired male that Donghyuck had been meeting resurfaced in his head, and he willed himself to forget that thought. Donghyuck was taken, no matter how he was going to do it, he had to accept it, and Mark decided it would be wiser for him to start some conversation with the other.

Donghyuck had already placed his phone back into his pocket, however his headphones were still slung casually around his neck. Mark could smell a light scent of cologne on Donghyuck as he walked, finaly observing that Donghyuck had actually a light amount of makeup on, to his surprise. 

"Did you just come back from a shoot?" Mark questioned, strolling along with Donghyuck whom replied nonchalantly. "Yup, Manager-hyung said if I spent time in makeup removing it, I would be late."

"I would have waited." 

"I know," Donghyuck paused, searching through his bag for the park's map. "I didn't want you to wait. Nor did I want to be late for this."

"Hey, I mean it. You know that if you don't get that off properly, the stylists are going to come for you with your breakouts. Your skin comes before me." Mark laughed. What he did not expect was Donghyuck's answer.

"You're more important than anything else." The way Donghyuck said it made Mark stop in his tracks for a split second, until he realised that the other had raised an eyebrow at him. Of course he had been the only one overthinking things, considering how Donghyuck just gave a reassuring smirk and grabbed his hand, pulling him down the steps while screaming. "I don't care, but I've cancelled every single thing on our schedules just to come to this wonderful, magical place to have fun, Mark Lee. We are going to have fun!"

"Hey, Haecha-" Mark was cut off by Donghyuck's soft voice in his ear. He also noticed the other boy had slowed down his pace just for this. "Maybe you should refrain from calling me by my stage name. Donghyuck's good for today. I really just want to have a day to pretend I haven't debuted." He paused, but quickly continued as he glanced at Mark's expression. "Not that I dislike our fans or anything, I actually love them. It's just.. sometimes I wish I could be a normal teen, living a normal life. Could you imagine just enrolling in a regular school, with regular friends, not thinking about training or anything?"

"I would still be in Canada." Mark said. Donghyuck seemed to pay no attention to it, but Mark knew from the quirk of his lips that he did. "And I wouldn't have met you or any of the band, really."

"Pity, because people literally gush over what a blessing it is to have me in their lives."

"You wish." Mark laughed, before adding on. "Well at least it explains the sunglasses."

"Very stylish, if I do say so myself." Donghyuck's expression was far too funny for Mark not to react. "You look really ridiculous."

"Not as ridiculous as some of the outfits you had on during the Firetruck era. I just don't understand high fashion at all." Donghyuck shook his head, pretending to be in confusion and showing signs of disapproval. Mark didn't make any attempts to continue the banter, he was comfortable enough with Donghyuck's presence. Their shoulder brushed against each other naturally, as Donghyuck continued to guide him along the path way, all the while explaining each and every ride there was. Mark was lucky that the first area of the park wasn't too crowded, yet filled with enough people so the walk didn't become too awkward.The atmosphere was light - families walking around with their children, teenagers just like them chatting loudly about the decor of the place along with the rides they were planning to visit. The music playing was loud and cheery, while people sang along merrily, staff members laughing and with all smiles as they greeted people into the parks. Balloons of multiple colours filled his vision, younger toddlers running around holding them with glee. Tourists with their floppy hats and sunglasses, pointing at different scenes and enthusiastically snapping pictures of it. There were even some people holding hands while talking next to them, speaking in hushed tones and being rather close. Mark felt the lump in his throat again, as he caught sight of how intimate Donghyuck and his interaction was being, especially as he noticed a lady from the corner of his eye staring straight at them. 

"Minhyung?" Donghyuck's voice interrupted his train of thought. "Sorry, what?" It slipped out before Mark could realise it, and Mark wasn't going to deny that his heart had definitely skipped a few beats with the calling of his given name. He could feel the heat radiate off his face as he raised an eyebrow and hoped that his face wasn't showing an expression that he was extremely uncomfortable - not because it was in a creepy manner, but in a way more so similar of embarrassment and that his heart was racing ten times faster than normal. 

"Were you uncomfortable with it? I just thought it would be less recognisable if I called you that." Donghyuck's eyes had widened in concern.

"No, no!" Mark was quick to retort. "It was just a surprise." Mark restrained himself from finishing his thoughts. _Only you can call me that, though._

"That's good." Mark thought he had saw Donghyuck's sigh of relief, but he figured it was just his imagination. Donghyuck's excitement returned again, but this time in waves. "Now, as I'm such a good _dongsaeng_ , let me guide you to the rides." 

* * *

Mark could say that it was just their luck that Donghyuck had gotten tickets on a Saturday afternoon, which was not only one of the hottest days of the year, but also the fact there would be a massive crowd at every single ride they encountered. What was safe to say was that about two hours had passed and they had only had the chance to enjoy two rides in the park, specifically because Donghyuck had been so persistent about sitting certain rides in the park, and the queues were far beyond imaginable. Mark didn't have much say in the rides, he never really had shown great interest in parks although he did believe it was more about who went with him that mattered. When he had went with his parents in Canada, it was more of a family bonding trip than anything, and the last time he had went in Korea was during his trainee days, and it wasn't even the same park. It wasn't like Mark was complaining he had to be with Donghyuck, because who would complain about having to be stuck in a queue with your crush for at least 45 minutes, and secondly the boy was a good conversation starter. He could talk about anything under the sun and even till the moon, skies and stars really, considering how he could strike up a 30 minute conversation about the person standing in front's quirky hat and how their stylists would get bad ideas if they came to the parks to get inspiration, along with other random conversation topics that came to his mind.

What had made Mark very nervous was the fact they were here not only on a crowded day, but it was couples' day, and oh was it hard not to think about touching Donghyuck's hair or wiping their smirk off his pretty face every where he turned. One couple had been having major displays of affection behind them in the previous ride, and Donghyuck had made some snide comment about asking Mark to do the same to him, which Mark quickly rejected, although he had well known his eyes would have said different. Or the other couple who Donghyuck commented had looked like they were about to suck each other's faces off, which Mark could only smile at his comment, although really inside he felt more terrible than before. It was awkward enough to be here, but how Donghyuck had forgot to let go of his hand until the staff member at the ride had commented on it made it worse. The best part was Mark had completely forgotten about its presence, it had been such a natural feeling on his palm, and the fact had simply smiled at the attendant made it all the more better. It wasn't like there wasn't same-sex couples at the park that day, and that hadn't been the reason why Mark was feeling the way he was, it was because at how he realised Donghyuck and him had been so natural in doing all of the same things that a couple would do that made it much more awkward.

Now he saw why he only received such odd looks by all the staff members at each rides, considering his less-than-intimate behaviour had clearly contradicted how Donghyuck had been treating him. Especially at the ice-cream store where the lady had wished him good luck, which he didn't understand until he went back to get a napkin to meet a very concerned staff member who asked him if he knew what dating meant.

A mental note was also made to confront whichever member had bought the tickets in the first place, considering how Donghyuck was underage and didn't have a credit card which he could use, thus leaving it to one of the hyungs to help him. Donghyuck had refused to share this piece of information, but a hunch told Mark that it wasn't just one person whom was the mastermind behind this, especially how Taeil, Yuta and Jaehyun were involved in this mess. 

And what were they doing now? Oh, just having a pleasant day queuing for yet another ride which Mark really didn't care for, but knowing Donghyuck wanted to go on it, he decided to just indulge him. His back was pressed against another man's, and he could barely breathe in the queue. People's chatter was louder than expected, and nothing here had been having an effort to make him feel more comfortable. Donghyuck was still talking, Mark wished he could understand it, but the noise from the inside and the outside combined had him struggling to decipher what had been going on. The sound of the ride's end made the queue move forward, and Mark followed suit, walking along with Donghyuck whom Mark guessed had been talking about something from his childhood days before he became a trainee.

He turned his head around, all the while still walking to fill the gap between them and the person in front. Mark couldn't take his eyes of Donghyuck's, he was animated, eyes twinkling and mouth in a grin, joking about something that Mark would probably have never cared much about unless it was about him. Suddenly, he felt the distance between him and the person in front decrease significantly, as he bumped into the said person, whom glared daggers at him. But what was more concerning was the sudden collision had caused him to fall forward, straight into Donghyuck's arms. 

He was glad the lighting was bad, because he knew for sure his face had turned a shade of pink from the embarrassment. 

"Are you okay, Minhyung?" Donghyuck asked, and Mark thought he had gotten used to him calling him his birth name, but this took it to a whole new level.

"Got a bit distracted, but I'm fine." Mark mumbled, and steadied himself to stand on his own feet.

"My looks can be a bit distracting, but this takes the cake. Falling for me?" Donghyuck winked, hands still holding Mark's wrists as their eyes met, locked in each other's gaze as he spoke. Mark swore he could feel his heart beating out of his chest, lungs constricted, as he felt himself feel a tinge of both embarrassment and shyness. He would have buried his face into his hands now and went to a small corner to scream, but the words wouldn't come out, nor would the situation allow it. All he wanted to do was reply Donghyuck's stupid, oh so stupid remark about him falling with a simple yes, but heaven forbid him ever do so. He felt Donghyuck's grip slip down to his one hand, the other hand resting in his pocket. "Maybe it would be better if you held my hand. Don't want you falling for anyone else, huh?" Donghyuck's smile was like a ray of sunshine cascading down on Mark, as he could only smile back, his hand familiar with every nook and line of Donghyuck's palm, how soft his skin was, and how very intimate this whole incident had became. He made effort to look natural, but nothing worked because he could feel himself sweating bullets, but Donghyuck took his hand calmly, and made a move to interlock their fingers together tightly, which surprised Mark slightly. "Hey!"

"This should ensure you don't fall." Donghyuck spoke calmly, all the while looking at Mark, and Mark made no moves to turn away. He didn't know whether Donghyuck was doing it on purpose or accident, but he felt the distance between them decrease significantly. Donghyuck's free hand had rested on Mark's shoulder, and Mark reciprocated the action by moving a little closer himself, just enough for Mark's feet to come in contact with the other's. He looked up, nervous. The silence which followed Donghyuck's comment was surprisingly comfortable, as Donghyuck's eyes scanned Mark's and Mark did the same. He noticed the sweat on Donghyuck's face, how his eyes seemed to smile in tune with how he was feeling, how tall he had grown over the past few years of them just knowing each other. He saw his Donghyuck's free hand had travelled towards his neck, before cupping his jaw. Mark could have sworn he had stopped breathing at this point.

Donghyuck's eyes had shone a colour that Mark had never seen before in that very instant. 

Mark could have sworn he could have felt Donghyuck's breath within that very second as the distance slowly closed. 

He could have sworn Donghyuck's eyes had been only on his lips for that whole occurrence. However, the younger boy paused, leaving Mark to be just inches away from his face, as Mark's eyes seemed to ask the question, "What is going on? Your feelings towards me are...?"

Yet, the younger boy left the question unanswered as he simply replied with a smile, his hand leaving Mark's jaw and travelling back down to his pocket.

The sound of the staff member asking them on the ride at least helped Mark temporarily forget this incident, even though their hands stayed interlocked throughout the entire ride, and he didn't know whether it was because of the ride, but his heart raced twice the speed he would like it to throughout the entire experience.

* * *

Donghyuck hadn't spoken about their previous interaction ever since, but he hadn't let go of Mark's hand for the rest of the day, not that Mark minded. They talked about other things besides the incident, which was comforting for Mark to know that Donghyuck was still the same person and perhaps he had been overthinking it. Sure, Donghyuck was good at changing subjects whenever something hard came up, but for once he was pretty glad he had that ability. Due to the long waits, the two decided it would be best not to go and fight the people for the rides, instead opting to sit down occasionally for some chatter. Mark also got used to Donghyuck calling him by his birth name, and he never expected it to be this sweet and gentle on the other boy's tongue, as they bantered for hours over silly little things which made Mark realize why he loved this boy once again.

Mark had excused himself to use the washroom a while ago, only to come out to realise that Donghyuck was nowhere in sight. Aloof, he stumbled, eyes wide in panic as he searched frantically for his phone to call Donghyuck. When the younger boy didn't respond, this was when Mark started to get really anxious. He walked around aimlessly in the park, trying to find a young boy wearing some ridiculous sunglasses, a nice, warm cardigan with messy hair and bright eyes. His eyes scanned around the area he had been at previous, to no avail, and no one he asked seemed to know where Donghyuck had went. 

He didn't even care if people were staring at him weird as he sauntered back and forth. He would have assumed Donghyuck had at least half a mind to stay near the vicinity of where he was. Donghyuck was sixteen for goddamn sake, at least he would know how to stay at a specific place for just five minutes. Perhaps he got distracted or maybe he had to take a phone call, Mark didn't know why the boy had disappeared, but he was damned if he couldn't find him. He pulled out his phone and dialled again, this time the ringer just went on and on. He continued to wait for the tone, but it never came, as he paced forward, looking left and right for the boy. 

"LEE DONGHYUCK!" Mark screamed, and onlookers looked at him. He even saw some girls' head turn, murmuring about how it was the same name as a member from iKON, before coming closer to have a better view of what was happening. Some people came forward to ask him who was he talking about, but he paid no attention towards them, considering how he knew his identity would have been practically exposed along with Donghyuck's. He continued to run, screaming at the same time as he did. He didn't know what this feeling was inside of him, it was heavy and painful, but Mark didn't understand it at all. It was just Donghyuck, that naive boy who loved music so much that it would kill him if it was taken away, the boy with the great smile and beautiful eyes, the boy who joked and played around with him since he had met him. That was Donghyuck, that was all he was, then why was it so hard to just be separated for a moment?

 _This was what it would have been like if he never knew Donghyuck._ Mark came to that realisation. How it would be if he never auditioned for SM Entertainment in 2011, how it would be if he never decided to pursue music, this feeling was exactly that. Perhaps he would have came to Korea, for a school trip or a holiday, who knew, but he would have been alone or with someone else, in the same park, during the same day, and the feeling would have been completely opposite. Mark saw how quiet life could have been without Donghyuck, and for once, the silence was deafening.

This was broken by a familiar voice screaming his name from afar. "LEE MIN HYUNG!" Donghyuck shouted, voice up to a few octaves. It was like an answer to his own pleas. "LEE MINHYUNG!" Mark didn't know whether he wanted to punch or hug the boy, as he came dashing straight to him. "Donghyuck?" Mark retorted, but he honestly didn't have the energy to be angry at the other. "Where did you g-"

"I saw this seagull at a game booth," Donghyuck brought a seagull plush that had been around the quarter of the size of Mark's hand. "It just reminded me of your eyebrows and I had to get it. And the guy was so nice, I tried so many times to get it and so I told him it was for a really close person in my life and he gave it to me. An-"

"Was going missing really worth this seagull?" Mark knew his voice had rose, and he didn't want to get angry at the boy, but this fear that had consumed him in that few minutes Donghyuck had been gone. "Seriously, Donghyuck! One moment I leave and you go missing for a plush toy? Have you ever thought what would have happened if I never found you? I swear to God-"

"Why do you care so much about where I went?" Donghyuck retorted, but in that instant Mark knew he regretted it. His eyes had went wide with horror, and people were starting to stare at the two. Donghyuck didn't seem to mind, as he continued. "I just wanted to make you feel better because you didn't seem good after the recent ride. It doesn't really matter where I went, does it? All that matters is that I'm here, right now, safe and sound."

"I care because-" _I love you._ These were the unspoken words that Mark could never say, until Donghyuck cut him off.

"I know why." Mark felt a lump in his throat as Donghyuck looked at him. "Because you're Lee Minhyung, worrying about everyone. You worry about me, you worry about the band members, you worry about our career, you worry about every single thing except for yourself. You always forget you actually exist, and you always think for others before yourself. And I really hate how you do it, how you're so damn considerate about everyone, and you are willing to forget you are a person who deserves just as much respect and rights to enjoy life just as anyone else. I really hate how your stupid face can show that neutral expression whenever people ask you what you want, and how you always deflect the question." Donghyuck grabbed on to his shoulders, making direct eye contact with Mark. "I hate how much you care about others, but you forget about yourself. How you always give up your chances for others, how you are so selfless, how you just let others walk over you. I know you've only been entertaining my requests all this while. I can't express how much I hate it." The place went silence as Donghyuck took the plush in his hand and tied the string to the zipper of Mark's bag. It happened so fast that Mark couldn't process what was going on, until Donghyuck spoke again.

"This thing was originally supposed to be a nice souvenir, but since you have made me basically blurt out all these unexpected things about you, this is going to remind you that I, Lee Donghyuck, hate that you are such a worrywart, and that you have to be more selfish with what you want, Lee Minhyung." A wave of indescribable emotions gripped Mark in that second. He met eyes with Donghyuck again, and no words could form in his mind on what to reply. He was lucky Donghyuck knew exactly what to say.

"So, to give you a headstart, I want you to pick the next thing we do." Before Mark had a chance to explain, Donghyuck continued. "And I'm not taking an 'anything' for an answer." A map was shoved into Mark's face as he said so. Mark's eyes scanned long and hard through the map. 

"Let's go on this rid-"

"Don't bullshit me, you hate the spinning teacups."

"Okay, how about this on-"

"I know you just picked it because I have been talking about riding it for the whole day, Minhyung." Donghyuck raised an eyebrow. "There are plenty of rides which you can choose from that does not involve indulging my fantasies. You like theme parks, you've told us before. There must be something you enjoy here."

Mark looked through the map one more time. He knew if he just half-assed his pick and chose something random, Donghyuck would have known instantly, and he didn't want to have to deal with another conversation about that. Most of the park were rollercoasters, but even Mark knew at this time all the rides would have been packed with people, and he had enough with that already. The whole day had been filled with dealing with people, from the start when Donghyuck suggested to call each other by their real names, to in the queue when the incident happened, to walking around the park with Donghyuck. It was too much, their lives revolved around too many people, and Mark really wanted a quiet, serene place where he could see the park as it was, along with Donghyuck by his side. At this instant, a ride caught his eye as he pointed to it.

"Let's go for this." And for once, Donghyuck was more than happy to agree.

* * *

There had been no queue for this ride, considering the fact night had fallen and people were starting to go home. Mark was shocked at how time could pass so quickly with Donghyuck, and even more curious about how Donghyuck had convinced their managers to only come pick them up at 9, which was not at all normal for idols to do so. Donghyuck was a surprise in general, as the staff member at the ride ushered them to their carriage. Donghyuck stepped in it first carefully, as the carriage rocked back and forth from the additional weight he had gave it. Once he was stable, he offered a hand to Mark, whom had been looking straight down at the carriage's bottom to ensure he was stepping at the right spot.

"Just in case you fall, again." Donghyuck said, helping Mark into the carriage slowly. Mark took his time to ease back to his normal comfort zone, as he tried to will his blush to die before the fluorescent lights reflected the colour into Donghyuck's eyes. The staff member closed the carriage door and the ride started, a series of mechanical jerks and sounds before the carriage started its ascent. 

"It's been a while since I've been in a ferris wheel." Donghyuck commented as the two looked outside to see the view. The parade square had been decorated with a series of lights, along with music playing to signify the parade was about to begin. The rides had been decorated as well, lights streaming up and down and in every colour Mark could identify. Both boys were entranced by it, unable to take their eyes away. The river in the park was calm and still, leaves blowing in the autumn breeze that came in, making the night a little more chilly than usual. The scenery had been so serene and beautiful, like two polar opposites in one place, one of natural beauty and one more artificial, but both still just as captivating as the other.

"The lights are pretty, huh?" Mark asked.

"Not as pretty as you though." Donghyuck replied nonchalantly, as Mark froze, before noticing that the younger boy hadn't taken his hand off his for the whole ride. He took his eyes off the lights for a moment, just to stare at the other, before Donghyuck noticed. He attempted to say something, but Mark cut him off. "How did you get permission to even come here in the first place?"

"I just told Manager-hyung that I needed a break and I was invited to a trip with my classmates. And just so coincidentally you were to." Donghyuck winked at him, laughing.

"So who's covering our asses?" Mark questioned, although his tone had been rather casual.

Donghyuck replied in an instant. "All the hyungs and the dongsaengs. Everyone, basically." Mark raised an eyebrow, as if to ask how. 

"I bribed them with food. I'm on cooking duty for 2 weeks. Congratulations to me." Donghyuck said, cynical, but deep inside Mark knew he was just playing around. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, but Mark's head had been running with questions for the other. This whole thing had been scheduled far too perfectly. Why did Donghyuck have to lie, make such a big fuss to just ask _him_ to go to this amusement park? It wasn't like he didn't have anyone to go with, there was always his classmates and that rumoured boyfriend he had seen the other day, and besides, it wasn't like Mark had been going through anything major nor did he ever talk about going to the amusement park recently. He had to know.

"Donghyuck," Mark cleared his throat as Donghyuck turned back to look at him. "Why did you invite me to the amusement park?"

"Because it would be fun?" Donghyuck's face only showed one emotion of confusion. "No.. I meant why me? Why not your boyfriend or another member? Why me?"

"My boyfriend?" Donghyuck raised an eyebrow in shock. "What boyfriend?"

Mark had a hard time explaining all the fuss about the fact he had trailed Donghyuck the other day without Donghyuck's obnoxious laughter interrupting it.

"He's not my boyfriend, just a classmate. We missed a lot of school because we had a lot of promotions for Chewing Gum, so that day I met him to collect my homework. The other times I've met him was for him to tutor me about some topics that I didn't manage to understand when I tried to study the first time. That's all! Also, he came to SM once because his uncle works in the entertainment, and he came over to pass him something. You've got it all wrong, Lee Minhyung." Donghyuck explained, all the while the colour of Mark's face left him. His heart pounded loudly in his chest, beating like a drum. So he had been wrong this entire time, and he had just simply caused his own heartbreak with his own silly overthinking. His mind wandered back to when he spoke to Donghyuck before about his crush.

_"You should be genuine with your feelings and just tell him before it's too late. I'm telling you as a hyung, so don't go not do it."_

_"You really think so?"_

_"I know so. I hope you'll be happy with him."_

The way Donghyuck had smiled after that meant that he really believed in Mark's words and was about to do it, so if it wasn't this boy, then who was the boy he had a crush on in the first place? Perhaps Mark hadn't had any chance in the first place at all. His mind drifted back to Donghyuck's words. "Why did you trail me in the first place, Minhyung?"

"I was worried you would fail in your first date and be miserable." Mark replied.

"Oh, really?" Donghyuck smirked. "Or could it be because you were jealous?" All words that Mark knew melted away with that one question. Donghyuck inched nearer to Mark with it, and Mark had a closer view of how his eyes blinked, how his lips moved with each word he spoke next.

"If I saw someone I liked with another person, I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself. My mind wouldn't have even been able to take it. I'm surprised at how people can." Donghyuck said, and how he said it had made a shiver go down Mark's spine. "I'll tell you the reason why I invited you, Minhyung. This reason is why I refuse to let go of your hand, refuse to make you upset, refuse to stop calling you Minhyung despite how there is no one here anymore. This reason is why I wake up every morning to make music, the reason why I can't sleep every night, the reason why the sun shines and the night falls. This is the reason why my heart beats and why I can smile." Mark could have sworn his face had turned the brightest shade of red it could get, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that the person he loved was so close to him that he could almost feel his chest rising and falling and see the passion in his eyes.

"I was taught to live a honest life, and I will be honest with you, next to me, holding my hand so tightly that it is comparable to how hard my heart is beating now." Donghyuck paused, before closing the gap between them, leaving only a small space as he whispered into Mark's ear.

"I love you, Lee Minhyung. That's my reason."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nice trivia that you might have not noticed:  
> 1\. spoiler alert it wasn't yuta taeil and jaehyun whom bought the tickets on that day. we all know it's that TY track whom did it because he was a concerned leader i love taeyong i s2g
> 
> 2\. donghyuck never called mark by aNY honorfic throughout the whole fic but instead MINHYUNG 
> 
> 3\. donghyuck held hands with mark throughout the whole park until they got separated
> 
> 4\. trust me donghyuck just bullshitted the reason why he wanted to call mark minhyung okay HE JUST WANTED TO
> 
> 5\. DID YOU NOTICE they are described to be wearing matching outfits lol those nerds 
> 
> 6\. donghyuck completely bullshitted the reason why he has makeup on


	6. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark and donghyuck come to terms with their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a filler chapter because i just had to lmao 
> 
> it's called kiss for obvious reasons lol
> 
> also yes let's cut to steamy kissing scene in 3, 2, 1

Mark could have swore his heart stopped beating in that split second. He could feel Donghyuck's gaze wondering at his expression, as his eyes almost seemed to ask for an answer. Donghyuck's hand trailed to his, both clinging on tightly to Mark's as the ride made a jerking noise, signalling its descent back to the platform. Mark didn't know what to say, as he had simply been left speechless.

"Donghyuck.. I.." 

"Can I kiss you?" 

Mark didn't hesitate as the younger leaned in. The kiss was gentle, soft and sweet just like what a kiss should have been, warm with the small touches of Donghyuck's fingers cupping his jaw, angling his face to deepen it. Their teeth hit each other's painfully as he did, and it couldn't help but made Mark chuckle. Donghyuck did the same, however this time pulling Mark back in again for the second time. 

The second one felt like the first, this time with more heat, the contact felt of fire which scotched the two's lips, as Mark made the effort to try to kiss the other back the best he could, but the pace was still slow and steady. The kiss tasted oddly sweet, Mark could just taste the candy floss the other had eaten previously, and he could feel how smooth and soft the younger's lips were. They were so, so close, thighs rubbing next to each other, as Donghyuck pulled away just for a moment, eyes filled with euphoria as he looked at Mark. The way he did was just so captivating, and how the moonlight shone through the glass window panes of the carriage, highlighting the younger's prominent features, had Mark wanting to rewind time.

Mark didn't waste any time, simply leaning in to kiss the other once again. This time, the kiss turned into light, soft pecks on each other's lips, as Mark pulled Donghyuck closer to him, but soon changed into something more passionate than that. Mark cupped his hand on Donghyuck's cheek, pulling him closer to just the right proximity before he continued to kiss him, but this time sucking on Donghyuck's lower lip momentarily, before going back to the usual. 

He was surprised Donghyuck shared the same sentiments as him, as the younger bit his lower lip in return, which earned a hiss from him. "Oh fuck..."

Donghyuck had the nerve to smirk after all of that, but gave a peck onto his lower lip before he looked up at him, eyes filled with pure lust. "I'll kiss it better, darling."

"You wish." Mark teased, but his mind was still trying to process what had just happened before. He looked over at Donghyuck, whose lips had looked as if they had been attacked, face flushed and Mark wasn't too ashamed of what he had done in that span of time.

"Admit it, I'm a great kisser." 

"Not as good as me."

"We're perfect for each other, huh? You could even say we have a fantasy-like relationship."

Mark's laugh could be only deemed as approval.

"So, could we call this operation a success?" Donghyuck winked, which only made Mark more curious than he needed to.

"What operation?"

"Operation: Get Donghyuck a Boyfriend"

"Who's the genius who came up with that name?"

"Coined affectionally by Leader-hyung."

"Oh, so all of this was Taeyong's idea, huh?"

"I give you permission to kill him. I'll even help you hide the body."

Mark couldn't help but kiss the boy on his forehead. "And this is why I love you." 

* * *

Taeyong's life was spared with the exchange of rooms between Mark and him. And Mark couldn't complain. He had spent so long pining for this one person, and had been so hurt by jumping into conclusions here and there, when all it would have taken was to muster up some courage just to ask.

Donghyuck had went to take a shower immediately after they came back to the dorms, while Mark decided to start packing up his sheets to move into Taeyong and Donghyuck's shared room. The whiff of Febreeze still lingered, as Mark could hear Jaehyun welcoming Taeyong into their new room, whilst the leader continued to lug his sheets as he made conversation with the other. 

Mark arranged his sheets carefully on the new bed, as he looked around the room. It was similar to his old room, just that the paint looked much older, as parts of it was starting to chip off, and the fact that their side drawer was filled with cleaning supplies and other miscellaneous things. On the study table were textbooks, but oddly enough there were some cosmetic powders laying lazily around, and were left untidied. 

Mark knew it wasn't Taeyong's, the guy was too neat and tidy for that to happen. That only left it to be Donghyuck's, but why would he bother to...

It hit him when Mark caught sight of the schedule pined up on a corkboard next to the two beds. Donghyuck's schedule that day was empty, no shoot, no nothing.

Mark didn't think he could blush this hard until now. This didn't help his situation one bit, nor did the scent of Donghyuck's shampoo by the door make things any easier.

Mark turned around to face the other, whom had been wringing his hair in a towel, whilst wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a very thin, loose white tee-shirt. His face had been scrubbed free of makeup, which really showed his youth as he walked in casually, before turning to sit on the chair next to the table.

"Why in hell have you been staring at the corkboard for the last 30 seconds while awkwardly using your hand to cover your face?" Donghyuck asked, as Mark turned away once again.

What he didn't expect was Donghyuck turning to hug him from the back, as the younger whispered into the older's ear. "Tell me, hyung."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll kiss you, Mark." That sent shivers down Mark's spine as he replied. 

"You didn't have a shoot today, Haechan?" Mark's tone was gentle, but still teasing. He did not look back, but somehow Mark knew Donghyuck's expression would have been priceless.

"Perhaps I didn't."

"So what would explain the makeup?" That statement was met with no response. Mark giggled as he wrapped his palms around Donghyuck's arms. "I get it, Haechan. I get it."

"Call me by my real name, hyung." Donghyuck whispered, and Mark could only oblige. "I thought you didn't like people calling you by that."

"I like how my name sounds when you say it. You're not just anyone, hyung." Donghyuck moved closer to Mark, his chest pressed tightly against Mark's back as he spoke.

"I guess it's the same for me. You can call me Minhyung." The reply was met with silence. The duo just stayed in that position, as neither spoke. Mark could feel the warmth of Donghyuck's skin on his back, but then his feelings truly melted when he felt a peck on his cheek by a certain someone.

"I lied about the kissing part." If that wasn't obvious enough, now it was to both boys. Mark couldn't see any reason not to turn around and hug the kid, as the other proceeded to do the same.

* * *

How he'd ended up in this scenario he hadn't known, besides his good luck and the unpredictable turn of events that had led up to this one very moment.

Perhaps it was when Donghyuck told him he was feeling cold at 1:07am in the morning and Mark didn't have the heart to say no, but still obliged to go down to the lower bunk to pass another one of his sheets to warm him up.

Perhaps it was when Donghyuck told him to stay, whilst grabbing his arm after he had just finished throwing the heavy blanket over the other. 

He didn't have any energy to care why or how everything came about. All he knew was that he was going to enjoy this feeling. The feeling of Donghyuck's hand in his, intertwined fingers locked as the other was at his hips, rubbing small circles as they laid sprawled by his bed, limbs tangled together. The way he could feel Donghyuck's chest rise and fall, his shallow breaths he took, the warmth of his skin with each touch, that was the most intriguing. Donghyuck's heart was beating so quickly, and Mark had to pause to laugh, as he found the humour in how his was doing the same, eyes scanning over the sleepy boy's face, lips slightly apart, eyelashes long, delicate skin which Mark just loved. Mark's eyes drifted, looking at the other boy who seemed to find the gesture either funny or confusing, as he shrugged and asked him. "What is it? Is there something on my face."

"No, it's just your face."

"What about it?" Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, pulling Mark nearer. Mark could detect the slight scent of lemongrass and lavender of him, and his eyes trailed Donghyuck's face once more, cupping his jaw in one and playing with his nose with his other.

"It's beautiful." He remarked, and in that instant, Donghyuck's face flushed a bright pink that he hadn't seen before. His cheeks were rosy as he looked back at Mark, with the same tenacity, the same energy, the same feeling brewing in him, and Mark's heart skipped a beat. "You are the same, Mark."

And that was when he pressed his lips onto his forehead.

Mark couldn't believe what was happening until Donghyuck's lips travelled to the bridge of his nose, eyes wandering before he landed his next peck on his cheeks. Mark knew Donghyuck could feel his blush seeping to his face, and he too could feel the heat radiating off it, and he was honestly too shocked to say anything as Donghyuck left his last peck on his lips, and this time, it lasted longer.

What he didn't expect was for him to kiss him back. The kiss was slow, and Donghyuck's lips were so soft that Mark couldn't even believe it. Donghyuck's hand cupped his jaw, angling it so perfectly so he could deepen the kiss, but was still patient before going too fast. His pace was perfect, it was as if time had stopped between the few seconds the two's lips had touched, and Mark couldn't deny that his heart had sped up twice as much as he would have liked it to.

Donghyuck was first to pull away, but it seemed as though even him was reluctant too, as he urged Mark to lie closer to him and so Mark did, not before initiating another peck to his cheek.

Donghyuck had other plans, as his reply was a peck down to Mark's neck and shoulder, before Mark felt a bite on top of his right collerbone.

"Fuck! Donghyuck..."The pain was only for a split second, but the shock from it made him cuss. He didn't know what Donghyuck was doing, considering how dark it was, but the sensation was weird and unusual but not revolting in any way. 

Mark had enough knowledge to know that it was going to bruise.

"You realise we have a show tomorrow. How am I going to explain this to our stylists?" Mark said, after the younger was done.

"I don't know," Donghyuck hesitated, looking for a moment at Mark as if he was admiring his work. "but I'll be there to watch your cute, little embarrassed face when you try." Donghyuck cackled evily, but soon followed up with a peck to Mark's cheek. 

"I love you, lovely." Donghyuck whispered to his ear, and Mark almost moved away with how his breath tickled his ear.

"Me too, darling." Mark said, smile lines forming as he broke out into a large grin. "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIVIA again
> 
> 1\. the last scene where mark and donghyuck share a bed was supposed to be the confession scene but well LOL nope the ferris wheel scene was cuter
> 
> that scene was written in fucking august can you believe how OLD it is i just thought it was cute and i had to write it somewhere!! so here is it for all its glory
> 
> 2\. ANOTHER TRIVIA trust me mark thought explaining to the stylist was hard LOL TRY EXPLAINING TO THE BAND MEMBERS why he has a fucking hickey on his neck
> 
> taeyong and taeil and doyoung would be screaming  
> jaehyun yuta ten would be doing the awkward smile like good job mark  
> china line secretly smiling and laughing knowing whats up lol  
> jeno and jaemin just like good job hyung *pats on back*  
> JISUNG THE INNOCENT SMOL BEAN confused and CONTINUES TO BE CONFUSED but secretly knows whats up
> 
> anyways do leave comments because i always like to read them!!


	7. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry for the late updates my computer charger BROKE while my computer was at 11% RIP and i had to wait 2 weeks before my new charger came in the mail. my phone's really hard to type on so the update came so so so slowly.
> 
> but i still hope you will enjoy this chapter! comments and kudos would be appreciated :-)

Mark never expected a day would come where Donghyuck would be laying down next to him, eyes shut tightly while being bundled him in a blanket of warmth, under the covers which they both shared. He never expected to wake up, legs tangled around the other boy's as he watched the other squirm in his slumber, tossing and turning in Mark's arm as he tried to find a more comfortable position. Had he known he would be blessed enough to see the sight of Donghyuck's head rested on his chest, arms wrapped around him, enveloping him with this lovely feeling that he could not described, he would confessed much earlier, even before Donghyuck had made the move on him, while speaking of which, he never really got the chance to reply Donghyuck, although he guessed his gestures and actions made up for the lack of words. 

"What time is it?" Donghyuck asked, shifting as he reached his hand away from Mark, instead to the clock which rested on the bedside drawer. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, before replying himself. "It's too early to be up." Donghyuck groaned, effectively shutting his eyes in an attempt to shield his eyes from any form of light which could disrupt his sleep.

"We're sort of late. Everyone should be up by now." Mark replied, although he didn't really want to get up, especially now when Donghyuck was literally right beside him. Donghyuck shifted again, this time to face Mark as he spoke. "I was hoping you would be less enthusiastic about leaving this position."

Mark couldn't help but find the amusement in this situation. He was usually a early bird, considering how Jaehyun woke up to the sound of him even breathing a tad bit louder, and somewhere along those lines he had developed the same tendencies as the older, but just less severe. He had also learnt at a very young age to appreciate mornings. He loved the scent of freshly brewed coffee or tea by the kitchen, and never liked those automated coffee or tea machines which made brewing the drink so much simpler, but also somehow took away the joy of the whole beverage. He loved the sounds of grinding the roasted coffee beans that would be hand picked from stores, before he would watch the filtration process happen, bit by bit, each drop from the makeshift filter his family used to use every morning. He would watch as the steam rose from the almost-boiling water, poured carefully through the grounds, effectively soaking the coffee grounds just till saturated enough to make the aroma explode throughout the kitchen. Tea was the same, but made precisely in a traditional teapot, with tea leaves to accompany it. It wasn't just that he loved, he loved the sounds of chirping birds and busy streets. He loved the way the tree branches blew in the soft breeze, the way the sun shone a particular way only on early mornings. He loved watching shadows form on pavements and roads and used to trace them with his finger in the air. Mornings just had that special thing about them - which he knew not many people could appreciate, but he felt honoured to be one of the few who could.

Mornings were pleasant in their own little ways, but not as lovely as the person who was getting rather comfortable as he adjusted his head to rest on Mark's shoulder instead, while muttering something about how mornings were the bane of human existence and how he wished he could just stay in this position forever.

Oddly enough, in some ways, Donghyuck kind of resembled mornings. Sure, he was obnoxiously known for being somewhat annoying to deal with, Mark couldn't lie, but there was something about him which was so likeable. He was a ball of energy, something that people wouldn't expect, just like how mornings were when they woke you up from your slumber. He was loud, just like the morning rush hour in public transportation, business men and women, dressed to the nines in suits and ties, on their phones about deals and what not. High heels clanking on the metal steps as the office ladies walked and talked about their day, youths in sharp blazers and trousers on their way to school. There was that side of him with his personality, loud, animated expressions mixed with equally as big gestures. Yet, there was a mellow side to him, soft and gentle, as if of birds chirping and leaves rustling. There was the side of him which resembled the smell of fresh pancakes and waffles drizzled with maple syrup, or the feeling of a warm shower on a particularly cold day.

Donghyuck smelt of sandalwood and lemongrass and he was just as warm as the morning's sun. 

Sunlight cascaded in through rays from the windowsill, making Donghyuck hiss, earning a laugh from Mark. "Even the sun hates me."

"Mornings aren't that bad." Mark replied, trying to shake the other awake, but all he did was to groan, throwing the covers over his head, which prompted Mark to throw the covers off of him, before being more forceful in his actions. Donghyuck squirmed with his touches, as he fought back, pushing Mark's hands away as he cursed under his breath, but Mark could tell he was just joking as per usual. The two continued in that fashion, Mark teasing him as he poked his cheeks and sides, as Donghyuck reacted, either moving away or reciprocating the action on Mark. However, soon later even Donghyuck didn't have the energy to continue, resigning to his fate as he sat up right next to Mark.

"I guess I win." Mark poked Donghyuck's cheeks as the younger stretched. He then looked over at Mark, before responding. "Congrats, but I haven't lost anything much." Mark didn't understand what he meant, until he felt a very familiar pair of lips on his, It was for a fragment of a minute, a simple small peck which Mark had been too shocked about to even respond to appropriately, only able to just watch as Donghyuck took his lips away and watched with a prideful gaze. "I take back my words, mornings aren't so bad after all. Especially with you."

"You sap." 

"You love me anyways." Donghyuck folded his arms, as he raised an eyebrow. Mark simply shook his head in disapproval.

"Oh really? But Minhyung, this says otherwise." Donghyuck placed another peck to his cheek, and Mark could feel all the blood rush to his face in that second.

"We should get up before someone sees us like thi-" Mark was stopped again by Donghyuck's lips, which had been strategically placed right on his once again. Mark didn't mind, he almost seemed to melt with the kiss, prolonging it for a little longer. It would be great if he could just wake up to this every morning, just like the cherry on top. However, they were interrupted by the sound of the creak of the door, along with a shriek, who knew was it because of shock or because of disgust, Mark could only hope it was the former, before the person slammed the door shut in a jiffy. 

"Hey, I think that was Winwin-hyung." Mark pointed at the door, before he saw Donghyuck's expression change, which alarmed Mark a little. "What is it?"

"I think I forgot to tell him about us..."

* * *

"Mark Lee Minhyung and Lee Donghyuck."

"It's not that serious-"

"As one of the oldest here, I think I am obliged to have to give you a talk about the wonderful hormones that are running through your body. And as teenagers, I can see how those hormones will be the cause of people fucking like rabbits around here."

"But, Doyoung-hyung, we're not doing anything."

"This talk is very important or else you'll be doing something." Doyoung cleared his throat. "Or even someone."

Both of them were currently sitting on a sofa, while the rest of them were currently sitting on the opposite couch. Taeil had decided to organise this emergency meeting with the members, and by popular vote everyone had been on board with it as well. Taeyong was seated right next to Taeil, and so was Ten, whom was talking animatedly to Yuta about either his shock about the two, or the fact that he couldn't contain his excitement that his dongsaeng had been sharing the same bed for one night. Based on his early commentary, it seemed much more likely to be the latter. 

How did the series of events lead up to this? That was a good question. Apparently, based on the small fragments of whatever Ten had been speaking about in the past few minutes, Winwin had tried to come into Donghyuck's room, unaware of the switch that had happened the night before, only to discover 2 hormonal teenagers who had been lip-locking by the bed, in a position which would have made obvious signs that the two were not in just a simple friendly relationship. That shock had caused him to slam the door and come out running, which eventually caught Taeyong's attention, as per usual. And a voting was held, there were screams, be it for joy or for shock, no one knew, but before they knew it, Mark and Donghyuck were dragged out to the very position they were sitting in, all the while as Jaehyun patted the two on the back with a reassuring smile that everything was going to be okay.

Well it wasn't, especially after Taeyong had gave them a full on nagging session about how their relationship would progress and how it was important to understand each other in a relationship. It wasn't too bad, as Mark could see despite all the liberties Taeyong was taking, there was a gleam in his eyes as he looked at Donghyuck, almost something like pride of some sort. He had been the one who had set up the whole 'date' Donghyuck had with him, so that could be the reason why. Jaehyun hadn't been too affected, as was most of the members whom were giving shy smiles at them. Jeno and Jaemin had went into teasing mode very quickly, however Taeil seemed to be in a distressed mood, but he was the oldest, and it would make sense.

"Let's just be clear here, you two cannot be left alone." Taeil stressed, as he looked away. "My room is just right next door and if I ever hear one suggestive noise-"

"Yes, hyung. We won't do anything." Donghyuck reassured, as he looked Taeil straight in the eye. That seemed to comfort Taeil a bit, whom had been looking down for most of the talk. Taeil had attempted to give them the 'talk', with his responsibility as the oldest, however he was too embarrassed to. This was blatantly apparent to everyone, whom had started laughing by the time Taeil actually started on the important stuff. It was just how he said it, it was so clean that it made the atmosphere ten times more awkward than it already was, before Doyoung took over with the 'talk', actually giving out good advice, which left everyone speechless. One of them even clapped at the end of that.

"Well, for traumatising Winwin, I think you two need to explain to him personally what is going on, since everyone seemed to know but him." Taeyong sighed as he looked at the two. Mark felt a slight tinge of guilt, considering that Donghyuck had explained earlier that he never got the chance to tell Winwin about his crush on Mark since promotions for NCT Dream started, and the build up towards the date had made Donghyuck somehow forget to tell Winwin about it as well. The feeling got even worse as the impromptu meeting went on, as Mark saw Winwin's face change as they talked more about their relationship. Perhaps waking up to see two of your band members making out on a shared bed wasn't the best wake up call someone could have.

The guilt didn't end there, not when Mark knew he had a hickey above his right collarbone just under the material of his very thin sweater, and was currently hiding it from the members whom were taking turns to expose bits and pieces of their relationship. They had already made such a huge fuss about the kiss and the sharing of beds, how much worse could it become if they knew about this? Mark's gaze turned to Donghyuck, whom had been seemingly having a ball of the time listening in. In the middle of it, he had grabbed Mark's hand, be it on accident or on purpose, who knew, but Mark didn't care, as long as the hand stayed in place. 

Donghyuck's eyes met his for a short moment, but somehow under all of Mark's pretence, he knew what he meant.

"Is that a hickey? Holy shit it is." Ten shouted, all the while marvelling at the love bite and pointing at it. Mark instantly regretted whatever he had thought of moments ago, about how this talk couldn't get any worse. It did, and did it escalate to new heights. His sweater had slipped down, exposing the bite, which was now a shade of red that was so jarring as comparing to his skin. Mark had wished everyone would have the same reaction as Jaehyun and Yuta, whom had decided to sit back and seemed almost unfazed by it, as if they knew it was bound to happen. What he did not wish was for everyone to have the reaction Doyoung and Taeyong had, as the hickey had reduced them into two inquisitive creatures whom were asking questions left and right, demanding answers and explanations for it. Taeil had completely freaked out, as he was left on the sofa in a mess, head dipped low as he muttered to himself about how this could be happening, along with Winwin whom had left prior as he couldn't take in all of the information as once.

What was shocking was that the younger members had been the more receptive ones out of the bunch. Jeno and Jaemin had gave the thumbs up to both of them from behind the others, all the while flashing an awkward smile. Meanwhile, Renjun and Chenle had disappeared very soon after the revelation, but Mark soon saw them entering Winwin's room moments after Winwin had left. Mark figured it would be best to let the native speakers explain it to Winwin bit by bit, instead of a rushed, half-assed explanation by the other two. Although, it wouldn't hurt for them to later apologise for the trauma they had caused him. Even Jisung, whom had been the youngest out of the bunch, had been pretty accepting of the two, despite his initial confusion. Later on, Mark swore that he saw Jisung wink at him, although it seemed no one caught on.

Amongst all the chaos, the only one who had absolutely no reaction was Donghyuck. It wasn't surprising, after all it was him who was the culprit for this mess, but he was so calm it even shocked Mark. He was half expecting a bigger reaction, after all Mark's face had probably never been this red after Ten decided to wolf-whistle at him after the reveal, and he had talked about how he was going to enjoy every last second of Mark's embarrassed self. Mark didn't think he would be brutal with his words, just a casual tease or two, or even cracking a joke about the whole situation, but no. Mark was left with only a silent nod, along with a small smile as Mark buried his face within his hands, trying to hide how awfully uncomfortable he was at this point of time. 

Donghyuck's smile had grown in size after the gesture, but still made no attempts to respond. It was only until Taeil said something that he spoke.

"You're not telling me that this was done yesterday."

Donghyuck laughed. "Well, whatever you say, hyung."

"I wouldn't peg Mark to be on the receiving end." Jaehyun teased, which triggered a series of snickers from the rest. "He's so manly that I would have thought otherwise."

Mark honestly wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it at this point of time. Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw it. He spotted Donghyuck's smile change, it turning to something softer. However, what had made it more shocking, was that despite all the jokes and laughter that was exchanged between all the members, Donghyuck's gaze was only focused on Mark. Mark could feel his heart skip a beat, wanting to look back to meet the other. He had been looking at him for quite a while, and Mark wasn't sure what he was looking at, but somehow that gesture had made his spirits lift significantly. Donghyuck liked him, and it wasn't just a fleeting feeling, that gaze proved it. The look he had on, wasn't one of just simple admiration, but more fiery and passionate, as if he saw some sentiment in Mark. Did Donghyuck even know he was actively doing it? Mark doubted it, but it was enough for him to know, as he wondered whether he did the same whenever he saw Donghyuck. Did the others notice, just like he did, or did they choose not to pry too deep into the matter? Mark lifted his head for a second, and met the eyes of Yuta, whom had gave him an odd look but later changed his expression.

What Mark did not expect was for Yuta to blurt out, "I guess I won the bet, everyone. Pay up." A collective groan was heard after that, and Mark couldn't help but exclaim. "Wait, you made bets on us?"

"It's not that fun when Donghyuck chooses to tell everyone about his undying love for you and have us be tortured every single second we see you two prancing around each other like two lovesick puppies." Taeyong said, but later continued with more on the matter. "And it's all fun and games until you realise Donghyuck's a sap and can talk for hours and hours about his crush, and then I am the lucky hyung to receive this information."

"Just for the record, we made bets over when he was going to confess to you since we found out of his crush. It's honestly a surprise we didn't know before. I won with my bet of 4 months." Yuta continued, but paused as Taeyong opened his mouth to continue, but was cut short by Yuta's words. "And yes, I will split the money with you, Taeyong."

"So you helped me for the money?" Donghyuck asked, although it wasn't in a serious tone. Mark couldn't help but notice his obvious bedhead, which made him smile intensely for god knows what reason. Perhaps it was just how one piece of hair had decided to stick up very noticebly among the rest of the strands, or how some loose strands were sticking out from every side, but it was simply how Donghyuck was, and Donghyuck had that effect on him. 

"Of course not." That was in unison, as everyone looked at each other, laughing a little. Mark was stunned at the unity of that answer, but later Jeno started to explain. "We all pitched in a little to help, hyung." That made Donghyuck's face go a shade darker, and Mark couldn't help but laugh. 

"Anyways, is the money really important?" Mark met Ten's eyes, which were with a spark of deviousness and mischief. "Let's talk about how Mark only got confessed to yesterday, and we woke up with the knowledge that they shared a bed and Mark ends up with a hickey on him."

"Don't jump the gun." Taeyong bore daggers into their eyes, as if to show his intentions clearly. The room went silent for a moment. "Especially not at this time."

Mark gulped nervously. It wasn't like he was worried about Donghyuck and him, he understood Donghyuck well enough to know that he knew better than to do something reckless, but it was more of fear than anything. Was he anxious to explain this to the stylists? Absolutely, and Taeyong had made it clear from his gaze that this couldn't be released to the outside world, especially not to the press. Taeyong wans't being malicious in any manner, in fact he was probably just being concerned for the two. He hated to admit it, but there were people outside this small room of 4 walls that did not like the idea of a LGBTQ inclusive society. This wasn't Canada, his homeland, this was Seoul, and their customs and society were much different. Who knew what would happen if this was released to the outside, that the fresh debuts from SM-Entertainment had had a dating scandal within their group, and furthermore it was not a heterosexual couple involved. What would happen to Mark's, or more importantly, Donghyuck's career? Would they have been terminated from their contracts, and blacklisted from the business? 

The atmosphere in the room suddenly grew heavy, neither party speaking up, however Taeyong had more to say regarding the matter. "Look, all of us support you in the very 4 walls of this dorm, and we would be willing to do whatever as long as you two are happy, be it separated or together. However, outside this, we can't control who sees what, and what they assume your relationship to be. Therefore, I would like to apologise on behalf of all of us, but please keep your relationship private. I'm quite sure our stylists would be good secret-keepers, but who knows about the press?"

"We understand, hyung." Donghyuck replied, voice mellow. "I think both Mark-hyung and I understood that before we got into this. Or at least, I did consider it before I decided to make a move."

"You two can still have the friendship you had before this, but keep the intimate moments to the dorms." Doyoung explained further, but later interjected. "But not too intimate."

Both Mark and Donghyuck nodded, before Ten had cut into the awkward silence. "Anyways, everyone pay up. I bet 4 months as well, in case you all forgot." That was met with more protests, but Mark could only laugh at the scene, with Donghyuck doing the same by his side.

* * *

The commotion soon died down after the whole scene, and most of the members had left for their own solo schedules for the day. The shrieks and sounds Mark heard were coming from Chenle's room, where Renjun, Winwin, and him had decided to set up a gaming station using the desktop they had in the dorms. Taeyong had left to the main building for a meeting with their managers, and most of those who were available the whole day had opted to head to the studio or the practice room to work on something. 

Mark normally would have done the same, after all in an effort to forget all about his crush before, he had immersed himself into the world of music, that including composing and lyric-writing. He had plenty of inspiration to go record, however today was different, especially after Donghyuck had asked him, with a bowl of popcorn in his hands, if he would like to watch a movie while seated on the leather sofa. Now, Mark had seemingly forgotten all about his plans to test out a new song he had composed over the last few weeks at the studio, and somehow a session with Donghyuck had seemed like the most appealing thing to him in that second. Mark wasn't one to be picky about movies, he liked almost every genre, although science fiction was a personal favourite, and anyways Donghyuck had left him no choice for the movie as he popped in Jurassic World into the DVD player. 

Usually, Mark would sit very quietly during a movie, eyes trained on the screen. He rarely talked, rarely ate, in an attempt to not cause any distractions for others. He didn't find much pet peeves when he went to the theatre, which was a special treat considering his schedule currently. He loved the atmosphere there, the sounds of the air-conditioning, the luxurious feel of the comfortable chairs, and the best part was the large screen with the superior sound system. However, there was still a certain charm to watching movies in the dorms. The noisy stand-fan as it oscillated, back and forth. The way he could feel comfortable sitting anyway he liked, and could have as many people as he wanted to watch the movie with him. He could talk, could eat, could chatter, and could even pause the movie at points.

This time it was different, Mark could feel it. He wasn't comfortable one bit, although Jurassic World had been a movie he wanted to see since the day it premiered. What was different was the fact that Donghyuck was watching it with him, and had taken no notice to his discomfort, simply watching the movie in silence while taking time to throw popcorn in his mouth, as if it was just for the fun of it. Mark observed he was sitting a considerable distance away from him, and made no effort to move closer. Even as friends, they would sit nearer, and Donghyuck was the kind who would point out flaws within the movie, even if it was in public. He would point at the screen, claiming he saw the camera crew filming through the reflection of a window in the shot, but what later surprised Mark was that during playback, it would show to be accurate. Was it because of their change in relationship that had caused this?

But Mark knew otherwise. It was probably because of the meeting before, about their relationship outside. Was Donghyuck worried about how people would see them? Was he trying to distance himself away, in order to ease the process when they would have to do it soon? It was a nagging thought, but Mark decided against making unnecessary assumptions. Donghyuck would tell him if it was important.

Perhaps it was just Mark whom was uncomfortable, and Donghyuck had felt nothing at all.

Mark tried to ease himself in, and slowly reached for Donghyuck's popcorn bowl, which he had been holding for the past hour they had been watching the movie. As Mark reached in, he felt a warmth that definitely did not belong to the object he was holding, and looked down to realise a certain someone had put his hand in at the same time. As Mark tried to pull his left hand away, his eyes widened to the sight of Donghyuck's right hand catching on to his, and then intertwining their fingers. Mark's heart could have sworn to have stopped at this point, as everywhere went silent, and Mark could only catch sight of Donghyuck's obvious smirk on his face, but on closer look Donghyuck's face had been the same colour of a sunset.

Had he been waiting for this moment to act? Mark didn't know, but decided it was time he initiated something on his own. He inched closer to Donghyuck, so that their elbows touched, and did not let go of the other's hand. Donghyuck paid no notice, and continued looking straight, eyes only captivated by the film. As the film reached a climatic point, Mark reached for the remote, as he paused it, leaving Donghyuck to only groan at the sight of it, turning to face Mark. "Hyung!" He cried out in protest. "Didn't you say you wanted to watch Jurassic World since forever ago? Please press play."

Mark chuckled to the response. "Jurassic World is great, but I would rather talk about something more important than that." The mood shifted a little, but Donghyuck did not make any signs that he wanted to back out, which made Mark heave a sigh of relief.

"You remember what Taeyong-hyung said, about us?" Donghyuck started. Mark nodded in response. "I just wanted to see how it would be. And I'm not going to lie, it really sucks."

"The dorms are safe, that's what Taeyong-hyung said. We'll be fine here."

"I'm happy the rest accept us, but it's going to get harder once our schedule gets busier. We're going to see each less in the dorms, and more in the studio and outside. If either of us debut in a new unit, without the other, it's going to be even harder. And who knows? We might get solo projects as well, and I just am afraid. I'm scared we'll go distant, we'll forget what it's like to like each other. I'm afraid you'll leave me."

"Donghyuck," Mark paused, leaning in closer to the younger. "I'm not leaving you, no matter how busy things get. Even if I am forced to be a thousand miles away from you, I'll still stick by you. We'll still be together in NCT 127 and NCT Dream, and we'll just have to be a bit careful." 

"What if we slip up? What if I forget about this? What if someday I just look at you and can't seem to find a way to control my feelings?"

"Then I'll be there to cover up for you. Then I'll be there to remind you." Mark answered, looking longingly into Donghyuck's eyes. "And when that happens, I'll be there to control them for you."

"How is that going to happen, Minhyung?" There was a sly curl in Donghyuck's words as he moved a little closer. 

"I'll tell you to keep those emotions to yourself." Mark said, smirking. 

"And?" Donghyuck prompted, as if he knew Mark had more to say. Mark could only humour him. "And I'll tell you I'll let you explore those feelings very soon." There was an edge to his every word, and Mark couldn't take how Donghyuck was being. "Humour me, Minhyung. Show me."

Mark acted on instinct, with his lips crashing onto the other's before he could even react to it. It wasn't like their previous kisses, which were slow, gentle, soft. This was sloppy, somewhat messy even, but it was perfect in its own little ways, just like how the previous ones were. Donghyuck's lips were soft, but somehow rough at the same time, as Mark captured his hands around his shoulders just to pull him closer. As he did, he realised Donghyuck was kissing him back too, and hard, as Donghyuck's hand were wrapped around his waist, pulling him into his lap, while simultaneously nibbling at Mark's upper lip. Mark had no objections, moving nearer, as he felt Donghyuck's tongue poking at his lips, and he obliged. Their tongues could be described as doing a tango in Mark's mouth, and throughout all of it, Mark couldn't help but feel how euphoric he could be over a single kiss. Donghyuck pulled away first, lips swollen and eyes still dazed, and Mark couldn't help but tease the younger. "Is this a good enough demonstration?"

Mark wasn't surprised when he heard Donghyuck's answer, and neither was he disappointed. "Show me again. Maybe I'll get it this time." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's coming to an end soon wow this has been a journey chapter 7 out of 9 two more chapters. i honestly have no idea where this series might go but i hope to continue writing more markhyuck in the future
> 
> also the sappy morning talk idk how i managed to cough that out because i can tell you with all honesty that I HATE MORNINGS lmao i love the evening sky 100000% times better than mornings but i pegged mark as a more morning person and donghyuck as a night person
> 
> more trivia do you know that popcorn scene at the end happened to me!!! i was watching a movie with this guy and i reached to take popcorn and he took the chance to grab my hand and intertwine our fingers. my heart literally pumped 10 times faster i swear i did not expect it
> 
> off topic from this fic but if you see this CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE NEW HAIR COLOURS the boys have been spotted with! leave a comment about your opinion(s)! personally idk how i feel about them especially donghyuck's i was at first like wTF WHY SM WHY but i think when it fades it will look better (hopefully). but i still think he looks okay it was just the initial shock.  
> a bit sad that taeyong's hair isn't changed but HE STILL LOOKS REALLY FINE like damnn  
> YUTA WITH HIS SILVER-ISH HAIR IM SHOOK  
> taeil with his dark red hair (kinda looks like yuta's old hair colour in nct season 4) YES PLEASE  
> but dude for me the best part is mark and jaehyun with blonde hair IM SO DOWN FOR THIS


	8. Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark and donghyuck's relationship goes on the rocky road. (or so they think)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't read angel (it's markhyuck's current r/s in taeyong pov) do read it first! it will explain somethings in here.
> 
> aLSO IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE RIP
> 
> the timeline rn is really confusing so let me explain!!
> 
> july 7: nct 127 debuted  
> late july: mark finds out about donghyuck's crush  
> early august: mark's panic attack/HIS BIRTHDAY WAS ON AUGUST 2 OK HOLD UP  
> august 24: nct dream debuts with chewing gum, mark finds out about donghyuck's "boyfriend"  
> early september: mark goes into his cycle of sadness, donghyuck cooks for him!!  
> mid october: mark and donghyuck go on their "date", the confession  
> october 24: nct dream on my smt, mark kisses donghyuck on the cheek  
> chapter is currently at february :-)
> 
> NOTE: 2-3 SWEAR WORDS @ THE END.
> 
> hope this is clearer and let's get on with the chapter!

Mark sometimes wondered how far Donghyuck was going to push Taeyong's limits in terms of "keeping their relationship private, and strictly limited to the dorms". It hadn't been easy keeping this whole thing from their stylists, whom had kindly decided to keep their mouths shut about the whole issue regarding the love bite on Mark's body.

There was the show with NCT Dream, where Donghyuck had decided it would be the best choice to volunteer himself for a kiss on the cheek from his loving boyfriend. Donghyuck had initally told a very concerned Doyoung and Taeyong that it was all for the fun of it, although Mark doubt anyone bought it. However, Mark's instincts proved him right when Donghyuck confessed to him as they were cuddling on his bed that his intentions weren't that pure after all, and Mark learnt on that day that his boyfriend's jealousy radar was off the charts.

There was more when once, Donghyuck had tried to sneak a kiss in their changing room just moments before their stage had begun. Mark had somehow managed to lose his earpiece minutes before they had to go on, and Donghyuck had been so kind as to go with him to the back to find a new one. What Mark didn't know, was that the younger had other plans as he was pulled into a intense liplock session as the storage door shut. Mark couldn't lie that he hadn't enjoyed it, but it was rather awkward to say the least, especially when their manager had been the one to open the door to find them in a semi-initimate position, which Donghyuck brushed off quickly as he teased Mark and handed him the earpiece. It had been a quick save from Donghyuck's wit, and Mark couldn't be more grateful. It was later revealed again that Donghyuck had taken the earpiece, but was planning on returning it after his plans were complete.

Mark had known what a relationship entailed from the start. He knew the friendship that he had initially sustained with Donghyuck was going to change, be it for the better or for worse, it would only develop with time. He had known a relationship meant trust and acceptance, as well as love to keep it going, especially with their current schedules and restrictions as fresh debuts. The initial attraction was only one part of the long road they would be travelling on in the future. 

He liked the parts that changed with Donghyuck and him. He loved how he could hold Donghyuck's hand without thinking about what the other would think, how only he could see Donghyuck's certain special expressions. He loved how he woke up to the sunlight cascading over the cheeks and nose of his significant other, or how they could sit on the bed and talk for hours and hours, and never get bored. He loved every single inch of Donghyuck, from the way he spoke to his laugh, even to the way his eyes and brows shifted as his moods changed. He loved the way Donghyuck would curl up to him when he was cold, how he took his coffee or tea, how he treated others with such sincerity that even Mark felt pride swelling in him. But most importantly, he loved Donghyuck's presence, which meant the warmth next to him in the bed, the lingering touches outside the dorms which could not last as well as the little pecks on his cheeks before he went to bed.

He had tried to speak to Donghyuck about the matter, because it was rather concerning with the fact that they could be caught, and frankly speaking, Mark hadn't wanted to get the golden opportunity to speak to their managers or especially the directors about the issue. But every time he did try to speak about it, Donghyuck would brush it off like it was no big deal, and the next day it would continue. Mark didn't hate any of the actions, it was as if Donghyuck was being territorial about their relationship, almost possessive, yet still appropriate. It was like a message that showed they were an item, and no one was to tear them apart.

Despite the fear of getting caught, it wasn't really that that was bothering him. It was more of how their relationship hadn't progressed much over the months. Sure, they did become more intimate, but that was just the tip of the iceberg on what a relationship should have had. Mark found himself realising he hadn't grown to know more about Donghyuck, nor did he feel himself opening up to him. It was almost as if they weren't even in the relationship in the first place.

Perhaps it was just the stress of it all that was getting to Mark, and it wasn't that big of an issue, after all NCT 127 was due for a comeback soon, and to be honest, he had spent more time in the recording and dance studio than compared to him being in the dorms. It wasn't to say Donghyuck hadn't been the same, but Mark hadn't been having enough time to ever interact or fully have the chance to talk about any of their relationship.

Mark didn't even realise the change in Donghyuck's attitude until he got wind that Taeyong decided to switch roommates and that left the two in the same room. It was the same ground rules, no sex in any shape or form (that was heavily emphasised by Taeil), no weird kinky shit, nothing of that sort, and if they needed space they were to inform Taeyong. He didn't mind the switch, until he realised Donghyuck would go to great lengths to ensure Mark was comfortable. He actually cleaned the room regularly, although Mark could attribute it to the fact he roomed with Taeyong for a while. Donghyuck made their beds, switched off the alarms, made breakfast regularly, all the things you wouldn't expect of him. 

Mark didn't mind it, as everytime he mentioned how caring Donghyuck could be, a slight flush would appear on his cheeks as he looked away, nervous. It was adorable to say the least, and Mark would just kiss away the nerves and they would enjoy the day. But, the facts were they were preparing for a comeback, and Donghyuck's feelings were fragile yet so strong that Mark didn't know how to handle them.

Jaehyun was a life saver.

* * *

 "So, how's the relationship coming along?" 

"Why don't you look at your love life before you talk, hyung." Mark groaned, plunging his face into a pillow to muffle his words. 

"Possessive, huh?" Mark heard Jaehyun stiffle a laugh, as he whipped his head to look at him. His eyes were still gleaming, but there was a fire which indicated how serious he was. "I heard from Taeyong. Man, aren't you an open book."

Jaehyun proceeded to laugh again. "Wow, that's literally and figuratively." The two pieces finally made sense, his lyric book. 

"Don't call him that, please. I wouldn't say it's all that bad," Mark remarked, as he turned away from Jaehyun, whom had been seated on the white chair next to Mark' bed. "I mean, I've been able to finish the songs for the album pretty quickly, all thanks to-"

"Denial's the first stage of the breakup cycle."

"Hyung..."

"Okay, I'll stop kidding around. But seriously, these kinds of repressed emotions need to be let out. That's only healthy in a relationship." Jaehyun said.

Silence followed. Jaehyun cleared his throat and said in a serious tone. "Okay, what seems to be the problem?"

"I don't know." Mark muttered. "I don't hate Donghyuck, I just feel as if we aren't really in a relationship? It's as if it hasn't been going anywhere."

"Why do you think so?" Jaehyun seemed a little more concerned at this point.

"I don't think it's his fault that we're not getting anywhere. Somehow I think it's mine." Mark replied.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's me who has so many projects to do that I feel as though he's the only one who has been putting in effort into it." Mark, exasperated, rambled. He collapsed on the bed, looking to Jaehyun as he replied.

"I would assume you think he's acting more boldly to get your attention or at least show he actually loves you." 

"That's what I concluded," Mark murmured. "And it's not like I don't love him, I do. It's just all the comebacks and the stress, and I can't seem to find the ti-"

"Don't make excuses, Mark Lee." Jaehyun retorted. "If you love that person, you'll be able to sustain the relationship despite how busy you are."

"How can I, hyung? I've been trying to tell him I love him for who he is, and I try my best to put in the effort, there's just no opportunity to do so." Mark sighed.

"Look, Mark, if you want Donghyuck to feel more secure with you, maybe you need to try to express your love more. A relationship isn't just about flowers and kisses and dates and all that kind of romanticised rubbish movies and the media tries to sell to you. Relationships are about trust, selflessness, and put in effort, be it explicitly or non-explicitly, to show you care about the other." Jaehyun remarked. He paused for a moment, before he asked Mark. "When was the last time you put him over your problems and work?"

Mark was speechless. All those months of dating Donghyuck came back to him, as he relooked it. It was true, Mark hadn't been prioritising his relationship, and he certainly hadn't realised it until now. A bitter taste stained his lips, and guilt poked and chewed at hi from within.

"Donghyuck's a nice person, but even the nicest person knows their limits. If you don't start to do something, tension will grow. It's the new year soon," Jaehyun stopped for a second, as if he was in deep thought and he had finally snapped. "If you really love him, prove it to him."

* * *

Limitless promotions seemed far harder than any debut Mark had went through, the days were longer than most, and with academics to juggle, it didn't seem like the most fun, but Mark enjoyed the thrill of being busy with many things on his plate for him to manage. It was hard so to say, but it was challenging and that was what pushed Mark Lee to do better.

The stress made it worse on all of them, as despite the joy rooming with talented team members could be, all of them were particularly nitpicky on their flaws, and Mark was no exception. Donghyuck was always there to encourage the group that they were good enough, but even Mark knew the boy saw his own almost non-existent shortcomings as something bigger than need be.

The words of Jaehyun had stuck badly. New Years had just past by in a flash, and even if Mark would like to pretend he had planned something, the day had been spent holed up in their dorms for warmth, if not for sleep, and the rest of the day was spent practicing for their comeback with Limitless. He had been planning something or at least the gists of it, however Donghyuck informed him of the management's plans for the day, and there was no choice but to postpone them. 

It wasn't like he hadn't thought about what to do for Donghyuck, he had gathered certain information about him to do so. He had made plans on a certain day to revea the plans, but he needed time, and that required the assistance of certain members of the group.

As Mark put the finishing touches to the gift, he couldn't forget New Years Eve, when the rest had went on the V App to wish their fans a happy new year whilst counting down to the big day, yet the two had been stuck in the dorms unable to do anything due to their age. While they were upset they couldn't do the same, they had spent a rather meaningful New Years Eve redecorating their room and playing video games. He had tried his best to understand Donghyuck more, asked him questions about his life and what not, but Donghyuck had been rather adamant to say much, focusing on the task at hand instead, which was to emerge victorious. What he came out with was that Donghyuck enjoyed to be Player 1 and he especially loved winning.

Mark felt he had won whenever he saw that brilliant smirk on the other's face as they triumphed. 

Yet, was this considered proving he loved him wholeheartedly? Could this be considered special? Wasn't it a given that in healthy relationships, the pair would know each other well? If not, what had Mark done for this besides do the required?

Those questions nagged at him as he gathered more items to finish up. All there was left was a older member's credit card in order to reserve the place.

He hoped it would be enough.

* * *

 

The members had been quite the help the past few weeks. 

Whenever Mark had to leave to purchase items for the surprise, Johnny had made it a point to stop Donghyuck. He could be said to be the look out, ensuring everyone was on task and knew what was going on. Chenle and Renjun dragged him to the practice room to work on their vocals, Taeyong signed him up for extra vocal lessons, Jeno and Jisung were convincing enough to call him to practice their choreography. 

The weeks were much easier to deal with. Donghyuck had stopped being as affectionate with Mark, which bothered him until he realised NCT Dream had came back, and the members probably convinced him that Mark was equally as busy. Or at least he hoped he was convinced.

What worried Mark more was the recent High School Rapper variety show he had starred in. He had watched the playback recently and noticed how stressed he looked and how nervous he was. Despite knowing it was over and he couldn't turn back time, he still beat himself over it and how he could have done better. 

Mark groaned as he sat back in his chair in the studio.

By coincidence or by fate, Mark didn't know, but Donghyuck walked right in at that point, holding a bag of what seemed to be some reheatable food. He came in and smiled at Mark, before proceeding to the microwave to heat it up. The sounds of the buttons broke the heavy silence in the air as well as Mark's train of thought.

Mark didn't know what came over him, but he instantly got up and pulled Donghyuck away from the food and to the chair. There were loud protests from the boy, but soon there were silenced after a bit of a struggle. Instead, it was replaced with a sour faced Donghyuck, who sat there with his arms crossed and a pouty expression hanging on his face.

Mark couldn't help but think how adorable his boyfriend looked, and quickly kissed the annoyance away.

"So, why did you just forcibly kidnap me you little shi-"

"I just felt like it?" Mark joked, however he saw Donghyuck's expression change.

"I came here because I need to talk to you about something. I would assume you would be more comfortable doing it alone with me." Donghyuck replied calmly. Mark simply nodded to acknowledge it.

"Is affection bothersome to you?" Donghyuck asked, calmly. Mark sighed and turned to him. "No."

Then the answer came back. "So, it's just me, huh?" Donghyuck said monotonously. He hadn't lifted his head to meet Mark's eyes, but the latter was sure it was briming with tears. "You dislike my affection?"

"Donghyu-"

"Don't deny it, hyung." Donghyuck paused, turning away from Mark. "I've seen your expressions after I do anything intimate at all. You usually look annoyed. I thought it was just me but-"

Mark placed a hand on Donghyuck's shoulder as he spoke, but was quickly rejected with a cry. Donghyuck had completely had his back facing Mark, with little signs of wanting to go back to. his original place.

"You don't plan dates, you don't bother to initiate anything. It's almost like I'm dating myself at this point."

A surge of annoyance of the younger's lack of understanding for Mark's plight quickly rose to frustration, then finally building up to the climatic anger.

Everything came out too fast for anyone to stop it.

"I wasn't trying to do so, Donghyuck." The words came out before Mark could take them back, and the change in Donghyuck's expression made Mark wish he hadn't said a thing. 

"So you are telling me you haven't been trying, huh Mark Lee? What are we doing, really? I know you told the members to distract me so you could be alone."

A tinge of sourness spread over Mark, as he retorted. "It's not like that, I swear."

"Just admit it." Donghyuck resigned. "You either fucking admit you were purposefully avoiding me, or I'm leaving."

"I... Yes." Mark muttered nervously. "But that was all for you. I did it for yo-"

"You know how painful is it to know someone you have actually cared about for so long, heck someone I've been in love with, decide to blatantly pretend I don't exist." Donghyuck paused. His eyes were teary by then. "I could take it that work was important to you, I know that. I know that you take music as your priority, I know you love mornings and you miss Canada and you love snow and how you drool in your sleep and mutter weird shit in it, and how you beat yourself up for everything. I know you actually can't cook for shit and how you have easily one of the softest and loving hearts in the group. I know you work hard on Korean and I know you sneak away in the middle of the nights to go to the living room and work on music."

"I know all of that." Donghyuck said, yelling at this point of time. "Yet how much do you know me?"

"I know you, Donghyuck." Mark said, holding his two hands tightly, eyes making contact with the other. "I know you hate mornings and how you can't sleep peacefully without music in your eyes and how you actually hate cleaning but it's become some habit for you to do so. I know how much you love ramen and how cooking isn't something you like but you do it because you are caring and lovely. I know you work hard day and night and practice your vocals secretly in our room. I know you love to sing and love to entertain and can even be willing to use yourself as a joke as long as others are happy." 

Donghyuck's eyes had grown red. "I love you, Donghyuck." Mark said firmly. "I really do." Mark pulled out the gift he had been working on. It was a photo album with pictures of both of them from when they were trainees till now, even some personal shots as well. There was even a disc with a title "Donghyuck's tracks" on it, personalised for him. 

"I left to prepare this. I'm sorry."

The silence that followed was deafening.

"What you say now won't change what you did, Mark Lee." Donghyuck gathered his thoughts. "These months just showed how this relationship has been one-sided. I.." He couldn't finish his words, from grief or shock even Mark didn't know. "I need time to myself. Eat the food before it gets cold."

Donghyuck stood up, holding the gift in his arms and left. Mark could only see the lingering image of his back as he walked, and he couldn't stop the tears that came to him naturally.

He did not feel sadness, but the searing numbness was the worst thing he had ever experienced.

The food had became cold, and so did he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 more chapter before it's the end of cupid :-( 
> 
> and i kinda strayed away from this operation cupid stuff i guess but well there is sorta a flow from the last chapter to this one!! unlike the random filler chapter 6 and 7. 
> 
> hope you will stick by this series and please do leave kudos and comments!


	9. Rise and Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pt 1 of the ending to cupid
> 
> extended this to 10 chapters because this ending chapter is way too long  
> pt2 coming soon ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's going to be the end of cupid, but not the end of the series ;)
> 
> italics: flashbacks  
> non-italics: present
> 
> looking forward to comments and if you did enjoy this chapter, hit the kudos button down below!! would love to hear how you guys think about this chapter so i can improve in the future :)

Mark doesn't know what to do for the last few weeks. It wasn't like pure boredom, nor was it because of the crushing feeling that he had lost any hope in life or that he didn't get any programs, it was more of this searing, numbness in his body, the way he would stiffly look away when Donghyuck was in the room, or how he could feel his smile fade after they left the stage and he wouldn't have any excuse to talk to Donghyuck again.

Taeyong had told him it was normal, that all couples would fight and that one day, as long as someone made a move and both were willing to reconcile, the relationship would go back to it's original status, or even stronger. Mark had wished it was this simple, yet it felt as if Donghyuck would never forgive him.

It was silly to think that way, Mark knew. It was still a relationship, a budding one, and Mark had threw it all away just because he had prioritised this badly. He reflected on it, writing in his lyric book some lyrics he had crafted in the mids of it, laughing pathetically at how terribly stupid his decisions were. Did he take Donghyuck's decisions for granted? Absolutely. But he never expected this to get worse than it was.

He didn't notice it at first, but he just knew something was off about everything. It wasn't even just the avoidance, or the sadness in Donghyuck's eyes anymore, no, it was greater than it. It was more of a fearful look, something that was reflected in Donghyuck's gaze everytime he met Mark. It carried pain, agonising, hurtful pain to a degree that Mark had never seen coming. The last time he had saw that look was a long time ago, back when they both had been fresh trainees and were starting a journey that both didn't know where it would take them.

" _Do you ever wonder what it will be like to debut?" Donghyuck smiled at him, nervous. It had been the first winter Mark had experienced in Korea, away from everyone, away from everything._

_"I.. I don't know, honestly. I'm petrified." Mark confided. Donghyuck simply laughed. "Don't exert that brain too much, hyung. Big words are terribly tiring to use."_

_Mark punched his shoulder gently, but they both knew it was playful in nature. Donghyuck turned back to him. "I think I'll need a long time to do so. I mean, I'm still lacking in a lot of ways."_

_"At least you can speak Korean." Mark retorted. The younger's eyes went big._

_"Holy shit did you just make an actual good comeback?" The glee in his eyes was apparent. Mark could only giggle._

_"You must be rubbing off on me."_

_"Thanks for the compliment." An obxnoxious grin fell on Donghyuck's lips, but Mark never minded._

_"Donghyuck-ah," He started, slowly glancing at the window panes to feel the coolness of the glass. Somehow, he felt warm despite everything, and he felt safe. He didn't know what it was at that time, but now it was safe to say it was Donghyuck._

_"I hope we can debut together."_

_Donghyuck never replied. Mark never noticed this, but Donghyuck had intertwined their fingers, gleaming. It was almost a sign of approval._

_He never knew how much he would miss it until it was gone._

 

* * *

 

It's a few weeks later when Mark ever speaks to Donghyuck. He knows it's time that's making it easier to deal with it. He doesn't even mean to, but he does.

What that means is he literally walked into him in the wee hours of the night.

The problem wasn't even a why or a how, Mark could be at the studio this late, and usually it would be met with slight disapproval from the younger, as he whined for Mark to go back to their room, but this was different. Donghyuck's eyes went wide with the collision, yelping out of the sheer shock and sputtering out a few sentences of apology before he met eyes with the other. 

The light in his brown embers didn't die, but it almost as if it dimmed slightly. Observing his reactions, it was almost as if Donghyuck took the leap of faith and decided it was time to stop the awkward speech between them, as he stuttered. "Hi, hyung."

The disbelief that this was happening left the two in awkward silence, before Mark replied back with an eloquent two words. "Hi, Hyuck."

Mark might have been lying about how it was getting easier, because it sure as hell wasn't. To look at Donghyuck's sleepy form as he dragged his feet back to the room they shared, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he literally made a complete turn away from him, muttering that he must have forgotten what he wanted in the studio, because of course he had came here to do some practice, and Mark wasn't about to stop his success for some stupid fight between them.

Mark could feel his own heart pounding as he called the younger's name once more. "Donghyuck, you can use the studio."

The younger didn't even bother to turn around. "It's okay, it wasn't urgent anyways."

"But you never come here unless you need something." Mark muttered under his breath. He wasn't sure if the other heard, but he did.

"I still live here, hyung. Goodnight." That was all he said before the silhouette that Mark thought he loved disappeared from his vision, blending in to the darkness that was the same as the emptiness in his heart.

_"Hyung! It's three am in the morning why are you still here?" Donghyuck called out, knocking on the glass door of the studio which made Mark turn to answer." I'll be out soon, just need to work on this rhyme scheme."_

_Donghyuck groaned, an obvious disapproval on Mark's plan. As he pushed open the door, he removed Mark's headphones forcefully, as he took a seat next to the older, saying "Which part of it do you help with?"_

_Mark couldn't help but feel guilty, as he pointed at a certain line of Another World, scratching his head. Donghyuck was focused, eyes peering at the scribbles and messy handwriting on his lyric notebook._

_"Maybe you could use another word here? The meaning isn't that strong if we use this in the chorus, but overall I think it's pretty damn good." Donghyuck chimed in, encouraging. Although the younger was fond of teasing the other, Mark knew he meant well. However, it didn't matter what encouraging words he had for him, the song wasn't done nonetheless and he couldn't leave it at that._

_"I can't visualise the vocals in my head." Mark muttered. Donghyuck cocked his head at him, confused. With the expression on his face, Mark couldn't help but give in to the other. "Taeyong-hyung put me in charge of indicating the harmonies."_

_"Oh," That was the resounding response of the other before they fell into silence. Mark was sure Donghyuck was trying to think of something to help, and he appreciated it._

_"Which parts do you have for the chorus?" Donghyuck asks, and Mark obliges, replying him with the respective parts. Donghyuck flashed a grin on his face, pointing at the book and said only one word, sing._

_Everything, he meant._

_And Mark did, the rise and dips in his voice apparent. He knew he wasn't very good, there were cracks in his voice from his fatigue, but yet there were points that he felt good as the song continued._

_But then what surprised him was the harmony Donghyuck had with him at various parts, where he did his part with such ease, when their voices intermingled to formed such a great connection, and that seemed to shock Donghyuck just as much as him._

_When the song ended, a feeling Mark had never felt before overcame him as he glanced at the younger boy, who was animatedly asking him if it was good._

_"It was," he replied, as his chest felt even more warm._

_He only realised that feeling was love when it was too late._

When Mark came back from the workroom, it was perhaps about one o'clock in the morning. He had other plans previously to stay until two, but they seemed to backfire ever time he even tried to compose anything besides songs about grief and anger. As he walked back into their shared room, he was careful not to make a sound, knowing the younger had probably fallen asleep by now.

There were some noises from the top bunk when he climbed into his space, but Mark chose to ignore them. It sounded like sniffles, but Mark knew he wasn't in the right to go and ask Donghyuck about it. 

He also learnt that ignorance was bliss, with the moonlight reflected on the disc in the rubbish bin, as he pretended he didn't see or feel anything towards it.

It also wasn't like he never realised that the next morning, it was gone.

* * *

The tension seemed to get worse by the minute, although it wasn't really anyone's fault for that matter. It was so nuch easier to just forget about it, pretend it never happened, but yet again after the cameras were shut off and lights dimmed, it was a whole different story.

Mark pretended he didn't know that the other had been crying himself to sleep for a few nights. He was good at it, pretending he didn't know a thing. He pretended to not realise how the younger hadn't been eating as much these days, or how lackluster he was at practice and at interviews. He pretended he never saw the other with bloodshot and puffy eyes after a long day in the studio. 

Pretense was easy, but Mark knew his heart would betray him.

He slipped up, once, when he couldn't take the pain in his heart as he heard the loud sniffles from above him.

"Donghyuck." Mark called out, hesitately. He didn't know why he was so nervous all of a sudden, but his heart raced as he waited for a reply. The cries stopped, but all that was left was silence.

Mark called again, this time actually concerned for the younger. It didn't matter what had happened, Donghyuck had been his friend even before any of it. "Donghyuck, please talk to me."

There was no sound, but something in him compelled Mark to climb up to check on the other.

It was dark already, so Mark could barely make out what was on top, but what he saw was Donghyuck's phone with the earbuds plucked in to the jack, as well as into Donghyuck's ears. The other had looked at him, shell shocked, whilst trying to hide the glowing screen of his phone, but the secret was out.

It was playing Mark's track, the one which he had specially wrote for the other.

Mark could only croak out a few words. "You kept my CD."

"Of course, it was a gift from you." These were the first words Donghyuck had said to him for a while, away from the cameras and the hyungs and all of it. "How could I not?" His voice broke with it, and it was as if a tsunami of tears was about to erupt on his face.

All Mark wanted to do was to wipe them away and whisper sweet nothings in his ear, telling him everything was going to be okay.

But he couldn't. Not when Donghyuck had said to take a break with him. 

Mark reached out a hand in an attempt to comfort him, but Donghyuck's voice was final. "Go to sleep, Mark."

The agony that rushed through his entire self was so painful, that Mark seemed to lose the ability to speak, as he turned away, advancing towards his bed.

As his body hit the mattress, all he could think about was the lack of warmth by his side, and the chills down his back from the sobs above.

_"Hey, hyung!" Donghyuck chuckled as he waved at Mark from afar. It had been a few days since the seventh sense music video had been filmed, and a wave of ecstasy had flowed over Mark._

_Mark had been preparing for their debut stage for a few weeks now, and although they were sore to the bone, knowing that all the hard work from before had paid off sure made him glee with pride._

_Mark wasn't going to lie, there was some part of him that wished Donghyuck could have debutted with them, as he felt the boy deserved this way before than the elder, but yet at the same time knew it was coming soon._

_As Donghyuck came closer, Mark could only flash a large smile, as he replied softly. "Hey, Hyuckie."_

_"Congrats on your debut again, hyung. I saw the teaser, it was dope." The compliment sent a wave of shock through Mark's skin, and he wasn't going to lie, he really enjoyed this moment. "Thanks, Hyuck."_

_"Although it would have been better if I did it." Ah, there it was, the teasing. Mark could only laugh, at least Donghyuck was in the right state of mind today._

_"Actually, since who knows when I'll get that chance to even get a glimpse of_ _the camera, probably in a few hundred years-"_

_"Donghyuck, seriously I'm sure you'll debut soon." There was a fire in Mark's eyes and a fierceness in his tone that wiped the smirk off of Donghyuck's face, but instead turned into a softer smile._

_"To help my debut," Donghyuck cleared his throat, and Mark knew where he was getting with this. "Since you are going to be ridiculously famous after this, remember my name in the acknowledgments-"_

_"Of course."_

_"And don't forget to credit me for helping you with that one lyric in your rap-"_

_"Yes, eomma."_

_"Hmm, and that one time I stayed up with you to finish the melody, remember that too."_

_"The thing is, Donghyuck, we don't have an album that I can physically write your acknowledgement in." Mark commented, wanting perfectly to burst the younger's bubble, curious to see what was the reaction._

_"Well then, when you do get the chance to do an album, remember to add these in." Donghyuck remarked. "Oh, and don't forget to add that I'm your muse, uninspired hyung."_

_"Wait, you want me to write that?" Mark sputtered, face turning a deep shade of red. Donghyuck seemed unfazed, as he nodded. "Suck it up, or I'm going to tell Taeyong-hyung that you don't get any shitty inspiration until you've consulted with me."_

_Mark didn't know why he still agreed to it. "Okay, I will, my muse."_

_Mark pretended he never saw Donghyuck's face go to a tad lighter shade of pink. "Now that's more like it."_

* * *

"Mark?" Taeyong called out at him. It had been still dark, but with a glimpse of the clock it had stated a clear timing of six. 

Mark rubbed his eyes sleepily, knowing today had been one of their rest days and he had absolutely no school since it was a Sunday. Taeyong was still looking at him, as if looking for an answer.

"Look, I know it's been hard on you for the last few weeks, so I wanted to check in."

Realisation set in on what Taeyong had been implying.  "He doesn't want to talk to me." Mark spat out, bitterly. It wasn't like he didn't know it already, but somehow it hurt more to admit it to himself.

"There are some things you would probably want to know about this-"

"He doesn't want to talk to me! What the hell am I supposed to do, hyung? It doesn't matter, anything you say." Mark blew up. It was so out of character for him, but he lately found himself doing that simply because of the boy who had bright sparks of love in his eyes and _he_ had taken those lovely embers away all because of his own selfishness.

"Donghyuck needs you, Mark Lee." Taeyong was curt with his reply, placing a hand around his shoulder. Mark didn't know when he had started to shake, out of sadness or anger he didn't know.

"I found him in the studio at five thirty this morning, curled up in a ball by the couch, fast asleep, with his phone playing a melody that was definitely composed by you." 

"How?" Mark murmured, and Taeyong replied.

"Taeil-hyung saw him when he came out to grab a cup of coffee. Practically panicked as he came over to inform me of it. He's okay now, but Donghyuck woke up soon after." 

He continued after he cleared his throat. "I asked him why wasn't he in his room, and he said something about how he can't take it anymore with the silent treatment both of you have been doing. He still loves you, Mark. He's just scared."

"I don't know what to do, hyung." Mark confessed, nervous. "I want to solve this, but him and I, all of the things before, how can I?"

"Please help him, Mark." Taeyong broke him off. "You need to, he's getting worse, and he hasn't opened up to anyone about it. Both of you need a closure at least."

"Give me a solution, hyung. I'm out of options."

"You played cupid once. It's time to come back and mend a broken heart."

_Home is where the heart is, that's what his mother had said many times before he left for Korea to pursue his dreams. Yet, it wasn't enough, the way he had to train knowing his family was so far away from him, without their love and guidance._

_Perhaps it was just fate when he found a wide-eyed kid, one year younger than him, sobbing by the stairwells of the dorms._

_Mark remembered that kid. He especially liked him, from his sass to the way he treated others, and for that lovely singing voice that seemed to charm anyone in the room. To him, Donghyuck's presence was enough to impress people, and Mark sure thought SM had finally done something right with this casting._

_Mark wasn't one to pry, but the sobs were just too terrifying for him not to ask. He took a seat next to the younger, and asked. "Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah, I'm fine." Donghyuck whispered, as his sobs quietened down with Mark's voice. "Sorry if I've been a nuisance."_

_"It's fine." Mark muttered. "What's wrong?"_

_"It's stupid." Donghyuck laughed at the thought of it. "I'll be okay, just-"_

_"What is it?" Mark wouldn't take anything else for an answer, so Donghyuck obliged. "I miss my family, a lot."_

_"At least you get to see them during holidays." Mark replied, not realising how terrible comfort this must have been to the other. Yet, Donghyuck still chuckled, and muttered back. "Yeah, I guess this is really stupid compared to your circumstances, Canada-hyung."_

_"With all honesty, it'll get better soon, Donghyuck. Trust me." Mark tapped his shoulders encouragingly, whilst giving a little smile to the other. Donghyuck seemed to appreciate it, as he did the same back, before shouts of his name were being called from the top of the stairwell._

_"Well, I guess I'll see you around, hyung." Donghyuck said as he got up to go up the stairs. By impulse, Mark grabbed his hand, and he didn't know what came over him, but to say,_

_"Hey, next time you ever need to cry, maybe not cry on the stairwells?"_

_Donghyuck couldn't seem to stop the laughter that came from his stomach as he rebutted, "Where else would I cry then?"_

_"Maybe on my shoulder?" Mark answered, until he realised the suggestive nature of that and froze, before sputtering again. "As in- I.. I mean.. at least tell me whenever you feel bad.. It wasn't literal! I.. I.."_

_Donghyuck's smirk was apparent, and was a funny sight with his puffy face from crying. All Mark heard was the trace of a statement before the footsteps of the boy echoed through the stairwell._

_"Thanks, Mark-hyung. Maybe I will."_

* * *

Mark noticed things, although he didn't want to. 

He noticed how Donghyuck doesn't seem to speak as much, even when he's not around. He slept later, rarely goes out to eat, and was never in the mood to even talk about this to anyone. It wasn't like Mark was given a choice, after what Taeyong had said to him. Mark was his roommate, and had been in both units, so it made sense that Taeyong would ask him to watch Donghyuck.

There was also the factor that they were currently on a break from a past relationship, but that was besides the point.

Donghyuck was getting weaker, Mark noticed. During practices, the boy was always rather energetic, cheering the rest on during especially grueling trainings or giving encouraging words to anyone who was stumbling. He wasn't the kind to be the one lacking in any way, in fact Mark felt he danced better than he could ever, but Donghyuck never saw it that way. 

This time, it was apparent, from the way Donghyuck's body moved with fatigue with the music, the lack of concentration as Taeyong tried to get him back on track, the way Donghyuck even talked to the other members was lackluster. 

Mark saw Taeyong sigh as they took a five minutes break to get water. As Donghyuck stood up to get a bottle, Mark followed suit, walking side by side to him. Donghyuck turned his head towards Mark, but said nothing, and Mark excused it to be the exhaustion from the practice session.

As Donghyuck drank eagerly from the bottle, Mark took several sips from the water cooler, eyeing the other carefully. He didn't realise how blatantly obvious it was until the younger spoke.

"I know I'm attractive but what is with your constant staring?" Donghyuck smirked as he wiped away the sweat dripping on his forehead. Mark was shellshocked, but proceeded to reply. "You didn't look too good in practice today, just a little worried you might pass out."

"I won't, I just need more practice to build my endurance and stamina. Plus, we have many performances and schedules coming up, I probably need to maintain a proper standard." Donghyuck retorted, neither annoyed nor happy, just in a neutral tone. 

Mark begged to differ, but he wasn't in any position to question it. But something was so wrong, and his suspicions were confirmed when they were done with practice. It probably had been around four hours since they started, and everything had been dying to grab a bite of some sorts and wind down for the evening. As Mark packed up his bag, ready to leave, he saw Donghyuck waving goodbye at the rest of the members, whom had been trying to convince him of something.

Winwin had been grabbing on to Donghyuck's arm, pulling him to the door, like a clingy puppy that wouldn't seem to let go. Taeyong was nagging at him, but what was new, about eating more and taking more regular breaks, and asking him once more whether he would like to come to eat with them, but Donghyuck was adamant, shaking his head sternly. With a resigned sigh, Taryong turned away and walked, and so did Winwin, as he gave Donghyuck a frown and left. Johnny and Doyoung were the last to leave, all besides Mark of course, as they threw Donghyuck a bottle of water and told him to come back as soon as possible. Donghyuck obliged, pretending to open the bottle just as they were about to leave, but took no attempts at it, instead closing it tightly and putting it aside.

"Aren't you tired, Donghyuck?" Mark asked, but in a quiet voice, just loud enough so only the two could hear. Donghyuck said nothing, but proceeded to turn on the music, replying as he walked. "I'm fine. I need to work on one part of the choreography for Good Thing, I'll be done in about half an hour." The tone was almost as if he was asking Mark to leave him alone, but seeing the excessive sweat Donghyuck had on his chest and neck, made Mark just a little nervous. 

"You sure you'll be out in half an hour?" Mark inquired, once more. Donghyuck nodded, before he started to move with the music and rhythm of Good Thing, following the smooth pacing of the choreography previously taught. As Mark scooped his bag to leave, he took a last glance at the boy. Mark had realised he never saw the kid dance before with all the attention on him. He had a glow to him, be it from the sweat or the lights Mark didn't know, but what was apparent was how much this kid shone despite the circumstances. Yet, it wasn't enough, it wasn't right - Mark didn't need perfection or skill to love this boy, he wanted his soul, his personality back, that once bubbly and energetic kid who pestered and teased him back. 

Mark loved all parts of him, but he had taken the part that he had loved the most away from Donghyuck. 

Now he saw why Taeyong was worried. And judging from the lack of spirit from the boy, Mark was worried too. As he turned away from the corridor, he made a mental note to return to the studio after dinner to check on him, and perhaps ensure he was okay, even just as friends for now.

That seemed to be the only constant that was good enough for Mark. To be friends, once again.

_"Don't you dare tell me you do not need to eat or sleep because this is the fourth time I caught you in the studio at ass o'clock." Donghyuck had threatened, holding the bowl of chips in front of a rather sleepy Mark. Mark glanced at the clock, it had been four am in the morning and he realised they had school the very next day. Panic set in slowly as Mark rushed to keep all of the sheet music back into the files, and then save his original pieces that he had made a few hours before._

_"Hey, hey, hey!" Donghyuck chided, as he grabbed Mark's arm, stopping him from continuing anymore. As Mark looked up horrified, Donghyuck proceeded to scoop a bunch of chips into his mouth, almost imitating a parent to a child as he forced him to chew on it. "You are panicking, because you need to get proper rest, in a proper location meant for resting."_

_"I don't know, sleeping on the couch here seems pretty comfortable." Mark mumbled, as he took back all of the music scores and slowly closed up the studio. As he turned off the lights, Donghyuck started to nag once more. "Don't tell me that, hyung. You know what I mean, you have to eat and rest! Especially with how much work you have now, in all three units! Jeez, I can't believe I'm the one telling you this."_

_"Got it, Donghyuck. Will do." Mark grumbled, as he dragged his feet to the dorms. As he walked, he could faintly hear Donghyuck's chiding once again, but he seemed to pay no attention, focusing at the task at hand. Although, a little piece of him was grateful for Donghyuck, especially considering he had no idea why Donghyuck was awake at four am anyways._

_"Why were you awake then?" Mark asked, just as they reached the door of their dorm. As they went in, Donghyuck chuckled gleefully. "I forgot to do Mrs. Kim's homework."_

_"Oh, great." Mark said, but he couldn't hear Donghyuck's reply as he felt his eyes slowly shut, and it was pitch dark._

_Oh, how the roles were reversed now, the irony of it all._

* * *

Mark came back faster than he would have thought he would. The whole group had went for barbecue, just a couple blocks away from the company building, but Mark thought it would be best to go back and check on Donghyuck. All through the meal, he wondered if Donghyuck was okay, if he had eaten or stopped rehearsing like he promised. 

Mark thought otherwise, and once finishing the meat that his hyungs had put on his plate, he politely excused himself, saying he had to go back to study for an upcoming test, but in reality the conveinience store was about to close and he needed to get Donghyuck at least a microwavable meal for dinner.

As he left the store, he headed straight for the cafeteria, hoping to see a familiar sight there. On the way, he greeted a few of his seniors and staff members he recognised, but he never caught sight of the person he needed to. The weight of the plastic bag dawned on him, and for once he was glad he was being worried.

Taking the stairs to the second storey, he headed straight for the practice room. As he saw the flickering lights, he knew something was up. Pushing open the door, one thing was revealed - Donghyuck was still there, and he didn't look good.

As Donghyuck caught sight of the older, his mouth gasped as his eyes went wide. Rushing to turn off the music, he sputtered, looking flabbergasted, but at the same time terribly wrecked. Mark wanted to lash out, to question why he was still here, but he couldn't find any nerve in him that compelled him to do it.

But just the sheer sight of Donghyuck got him flustered and feeling odd. How Donghyuck's eyes were rimmed with dark eye circles, or the weight loss as he saw the circumference of his waist become smaller, or maybe it was the feeling of emptiness that made matters worse. It was as if Donghyuck was no longer human, just a hollow shell which worked mechanically. That stung, but not as much as the fact that Donghyuck was indeed hiding something from him, clenched deep within his fist like a secret that he would never share.

What caught Mark's attention was more of the white pill that Donghyuck had definitely swallowed a few moments before he stepped in.

Mark started out passive, hoping the younger would be honest. "I bought you dinner."

Donghyuck seemed to let down his guard. "Oh, thanks. I'm not very hungry, it's okay."

"Please don't lie to me. You haven't eaten for the whole day. Just be honest with me," Mark started out, but he could see the conflict in the other's eyes. "What is going on?"

"I told you, nothing to worry about, I finished working on my part and now I don't really have an appetite so let's go back-" Donghyuck said, sing-song like, but Mark couldn't take anymore excuses. With the state he was in, it was too much for Mark to believe, and for his sake he had to confront him about it.

"What was that pill then?" Mark asked, trying to be discreet, hoping once more Donghyuck would just be honest, and they wouldn't have to argue about it, yet why did he expect anything? Donghyuck's face paled, but he still murmured back, "I don't know what you are talking about, unless you are talking about my vitamins then-"

"I'm not, I saw you Hyuck." Mark resigned, disappointed. "I saw you with my very eyes and I am not going to lie to you and said I didn't see the name of that pill bottle either." The voice of Mark seemed to crack, exhausted. It was almost as if he was hurt, and he didn't know what kind of vulnerability had came out of him. But what came back was nothing, Donghyuck's face had been completely free of any emotion or expression, as if he had no idea what to say, which was a rare occurrence for him, the way he had his mouth agape, wide open. He was almost as if he had been waiting for Mark to continue, as he did. "Why appetite suppressers, Hyuck?"

"You're one to talk." Donghyuck retorted, obviously angry. "It's not as if you've never worked your ass off for all of this fuckery. What's the difference between me doing this and you doing way too many projects with less than 3 hours of sleep?"

"But I'm not starving myself every meal, Donghyuck! My health is fine!" Mark shouted, exasperated. Donghyuck continued with his stand, however. "I'm fine! Just pretend you never saw this."

"Tell me why." Mark said, firm. Donghyuck simply replied. "I don't need to tell you anything. We aren't anything anymore, are we?"

Hearing it hurt Mark a little, but he never let his voice show any of it. "I'm not trying to say anything, but it doesn't matter who you were, be it Taeil-hyung or Jisung, but in the end, I would ask the same, even for a friend."

It was almost as if you could hear Donghyuck's gears in his mind turn, and he was processing all of that information. However, there was this sense of vulnerability that came with his expression, the way he had felt a little remorse about making that snark comment before about what they used to have. Yet, he still responded. "As a friend, don't tell anyone else, please. They'll take me off of the program, and I-"

"I get it." Mark thought about it, and he came to a resounding conclusion. "I won't, but promise me you'll eat with me for every meal. And throw away those suppressants, now." Donghyuck only nodded, but Mark could feel the change in atmosphere, and how something was about to change. However, just with the glint in Donghyuck's eyes, there was something holding him back.

Mark never knew what was the severity of this secret until it was all out for the world to know.

_"You have got to be kidding me, hyung." Donghyuck had whined as Mark walked him closer to the balcony of their dorm. It had been about eleven at night, which meant almost everyone had either been asleep or working, but yet Mark had his sudden thoughts of doing something special for Donghyuck, seeing as this had been Donghyuck's second year anniversary since they had started their trainee lifestyle._

_No one really celebrated these kinds of anniversaries, usually more for the anniversary of debut, but Mark enjoyed leaving little presents for everyone, as it meant they had worked hard for another year for their dreams. And to Mark, especially, it meant a lot to do so, to have the courage to continue despite all hardships. To Mark, that was deserving of commendation, and even more so for his juniors. That included Donghyuck._

_"Okay, open your eyes." Mark said, as Donghyuck fluttered his eyelids, looking around. The balcony was decorated with dim fairy lights, all the while with the soft sounds of love songs playing in the background, making the atmosphere even more sombre. Donghyuck's eyes widened, the elation apparent with just a single look, as he broke into a bright smile, teasing. "Hyung, you didn't have to do this, honestly!"_

_"But I wanted to." Mark had a edge in his voice, as if one of pride. Donghyuck only pulled him towards the balcony, as they sat, watching the night sky. Suddenly, Donghyuck placed his head on Mark's shoulder, with no words exchanged. Not knowing what was going on, Mark felt his face turn a bright red, but he had to continue on with what he had planned. "You wanna blow some bubbles?" He whipped out the bubbles, way too eagerly as if he was some bubble-mania, and he was sure Donghyuck was going to laugh._

_Yet he didn't, just nodding shyly, taking the bubbles and starting to blow them, as Mark slowly broke out of the awkward tension, doing so as well. They laughed, joking as the time seem to pass too quickly, while the love songs built to tge atmosphere. It was almost too perfect for Mark to say the least, and he hoped Donghyuck could relax after this._

_Soon later, Donghyuck's voice filled the air with melody, harmonizing with the voice of the singer,which he soon realised to be from the song Love Yourself, humming it peacefully as Mark looked at him with sheer admiration and a foreign feeling he never knew he had. Mark wondered if Donghyuck ever realised how outright perfect he was from head to toe, the way his voice must have been made from the heavens, and the fluency in his dance moves and rhythm in his footsteps, the flow of humour from his lips and the beauty that was his face, those were all perfect to Mark, even if others would say otherwise._

_That night was perfect, but Mark knew there was always a nagging thought; a feeling, a feeling of longing for the warmth of the boy who seemed to bloom love and scream perfection once again._

_But what was Mark to do about it? He just held on to Donghyuck's hand, and even if it would cost him, he wasn't ever going to let go._

 

* * *

The first few days were hard, especially with Donghyuck's refusal to eat. Mark knew he had only promised to eat with Mark, but that never encompassed the amount to eat. While Mark got a full lunch set for lunch after the program, Donghyuck perhaps ate about a few spoons of rice, then proceeded to tell Mark he was full. 

Mark knew from the start it was going to be a tough journey, as he's seen so many in the industry, heard so many stories on the same issue, but this was different, and he knew it. It was difficult, but he didn't want to make the same mistake again, he didn't want to have Donghyuck deal with it alone. If they were going to go through this, it would be a team effort.

So he fulfilled his promise to him. It started with simple talks, about food and how there were new trends and new food products in the market, and how Mark was dying to try them, hopefully with Donghyuck, hopefully together. The aim was to motivate Donghyuck and get him on the right track, since Mark was initiating it together. He had read a few websites that initially, denial would be common, and there was. The denial of how he was fine, still not hungry, how he needed the exercise and needed to stop eating, upset Mark, but he knew he needed to support him.

Then it led on to taking the baby steps, moving towards larger quantities of food at one sitting, but still not as much as what would be healthy. Donghyuck was getting better, as every time Donghyuck would eat he could see the internal conflict, and Mark saw vast improvements, from a few spoons of rice to a quarter of a bowl and one or two spoons of soup, then to a quarter and one small saucer of side dish, with a quarter of a bowl of soup. Although it seemed small, Mark knew it was good for Donghyuck, and he pushed him on, holding his hand, guiding him in the right direction.

Mark told Donghyuck he was good enough, that he was beautiful, and that his heart and soul were one of the most gorgeous things he could ever know, and his self was pretty to the intent that Mark never knew could be. Donghyuck took that receptively, and Mark could tell.

But there were always bad days for everyone, like the day Donghyuck fell back to his habits and starved himself after Mark had left to film for NCT Night Night, and proceeded to cry when Mark came back, as he sobbed of guilt and shame. 

Mark had no words but comforting ones, assuring the boy he was good enough, that it was okay, and Mark wasn't mad. He told the boy to eat up, as he cooked a simple meal of ramen, and for the first time the boy ate hungrily.

And it continued, as the quantity of food he had became to grow slowly, and Donghyuck became more and more receptive to even going to the nutritionist in SM, as he worked out a suitable meal plan for Donghyuck to follow, educating him on positive outlooks of his own body image, on how to build confidence and love for one's self, on how to pull himself together on bad days and the worse, and how to encourage himself to continue. The most important part was, Mark was next to Donghyuck throughout these sessions, holding his hand for silent encouragement until the end.

Everything seemed to go fine, until one day Mark found Donghyuck in the washroom at the break of dawn, panting and wheezing as if he could not breathe. Alarmed, Mark held the boy by the arms. He knew there would be no benefit in pulling him close, considering it could worsen the anxiety, so he opted for drawing small circles down his back. He could feel the boy's heart racing, his lungs rising and falling, breath ragged and unsteady, but he knew with the sight of the tears and the unspeakable words, that it was something big. Comforting words spilled from his mouth, as Donghyuck took receptively to it, calming his breath down to Mark's silent counting. Despite being seated on the shower's floor, Mark felt no disgust to it, in fact the two even stayed there until Donghyuck felt better. There was a part of Mark that knew, knew that with everything that this was just the start of the tsunami that was about to wash over him.

Anxiety out of all of it could be the hardest. There were days where Mark would get home to Donghyuck crying by their bed, with no words exchanged but simple sobs, and Mark instinctively just pulled him closer, as if wanting his body warmth to convince Donghyuck he was always going to be there for him. There were times which Mark just took Donghyuck's hand on the street, when he saw him tense up with other people's stares and camera flashes, with the fear in his eyes and worry in his expression, and he just took it and walked, as if nothing was wrong. There were times where Mark would kiss his forehead, reminding him not to be afraid, and to take his first step out of the door together, and Mark would cheer him on to do so. This happened for weeks on end, and Mark was proud to talk about Donghyuck's progress.

But that still came with a price. Mark's three units, willingness to commit, and desire to do well completely backfired with it. The amount of schedules he had without the boy was immense, and even if Donghyuck was with him, there had too many things to do for Mark to help him. He called Donghyuck every time he couldn't, to make sure he was eating and okay, made sure he drank enough, slept enough, but there was a lingering guilt in Mark that reminded him of the reason why they broke up anyways. Donghyuck was always okay with it, he was always the understanding kind, but it did not sit right with Mark.

"Hey, Donghyuck, sorry I need to do this... Anyways I left some food in the fridge, remember to microwave it. The therapist left some assignments, do look over them." Mark reminded him. Donghyuck simply nodded.

"Yes, eomma." He mocked, smirking. After all of the weeks together, Donghyuck had gained his usual personality back slowly, even being cheeky enough to tease the hyungs in the dorms, especially Mark. Mark simply raised an eyebrow, and laughed, picking up his bag before leaving, looking Donghyuck in the eye once more. "No, I'm serious, please do remember to do them, okay."

"Of course, hyung." Donghyuck said, smiling, walking towards the door as he walked Mark out of the dorms. "I will remember. Sorry for troubling you again, hyung"

Mark could only nod, but felt some sort of tension within the two of them, but said nothing. He knew that he wanted to be back here, but he had work, and no matter what kinds of excuses he had, there was no reason that he could think of to come out of this work. Being at the studio was important, especially when Taeyong and him were meeting their producer to discuss the next comeback, so there was no way he could miss out on it. As he said goodbye to Donghyuck, he took a seat in the car as it drove directly to the studio, before he came down and headed up to the second storey.

By the time he was there, the rest hadn't arrived, so he settled in, placing his bag by the couch and heading straight to work. As everyone streamed in slowly, Mark turned open his lyric notebook, awaiting comments on the latest melody he had sent in prior to the date. The producers and Taeyong both gave him some comments, when they went back and forth in editing the track, changing the tone and pitch appropriately, all the while taking notes for future reference. Although it was tough work, Mark enjoyed every ounce of it, but something nagged at him to go back. Was Donghyuck really okay? Was he eating, getting enough rest? Mark didn't want to say he didn't trust the boy, but he was worried. Donghyuck had came so far in his journey, and Mark wanted to be there for him. Was Donghyuck going to the therapist today? He should be, judging by the appointment date Mark remembered. Did he finish the rice that Mark had secretly practiced to make for him? Did he-

"Mark? Did you catch any of that?" Suddenly, a low voice got him back to his senses, and he realised he hadn't been listening for the past couple of minutes. As he looked around, he noticed that the producers had left the room, and the only people left were Taeyong and himself. A slight blush crept up on him as he spoke, looking down in embarrassment or shame he did not know. "Sorry, hyung."

"What's wrong? You've been out of it since we got here." Taeyong replied. The tone was serious, but it wasn't intimidating in any sense. Mark remained silent, as he knew Donghyuck trusted him to keep whatever was happening to himself. Thus, Mark shook his head, politely telling Taeyong it was nothing. But how could he have expected Taeyong to believe him? They had trained together for a while, and with a switch in tone Mark could tell Taeyong knew he was lying. "Is it about Donghyuck?"

Mark was persistent. "No, I had an exam yesterday. Still really tired out from it. Sorry, hyung." From Taeyong's expression, he was still suspicious, but never questioned him. "Alright then, maybe you should get some rest. I'll send you the details once this meeting is over. Need me to call a car?" Mark felt reluctant, but just knowing Donghyuck was at home, he couldn't help but feel slightly grateful. 

"I think I'll take the train. I need some fresh air." Mark responded, while he took his bag and said goodbye to those involved in the meeting. Taeyong barely acknowledged it, but by the way Taeyong made eye contact he knew that he got the message. Slinging the black bag over his shoulder, he took strides towards the nearest train station. As he walked, he couldn't help but think about Donghyuck, about what he could be doing, if he was okay. The care and concern for the younger boy had grown to be more platonic than romantic over the past few weeks, and although Mark knew he still harboured the same romantic feelings for the boy, he knew what was more important was the boy's health and not their relationship. One thing he never understood was why the boy was suddenly like this, so concerned aout his looks and his weight. Sure, he knew Donghyuck was one to push himself to the limits, but he was never this concerned of his image or his looks, besides when coming towards a comeback, but it was never to this extent. Was there a trigger? Even he didn't know, he never went into details about it.

It was only then when he realised he had reached the station he was supposed to alight at. As he stepped off the platform, he received a message.

_**< Hyuckie> 13:05:** _

_**Don't worry,** _ **hyu** **ng.** _**Ate it up ;)** _

Mark couldn't help but smile to himself.

_**< murk> 13:10:** _

_**Who said I was worried?** _

A reply came soon enough.

_**< Hyuckie> 13:13:** _

_**You always worry, don't do it you'll die early.** _

_< murk is typing...>_

_**< murk>: 13:15:** _

**_Ah, just like the devil. Brat._ **

_< hyuckie is typing...>_

_**< Hyuckie> 13:18:** _

**_You love me anyways._ **

Mark was about to press the send button, but he never did.

_ **< murk>: 13:19:** _

~~_**I always have. And always will.** _ ~~

* * *

Mark always prided himself on being a light sleeper. Sure, it had its pitfalls, but it was always beneficial in one way or another. And this time it was no exception. The first voice he heard sounded strangely familiar. It was one of the members, definitely, but he couldn't really make out who it was. There had been a small beam of light streaming through the crack of the door, as Mark peered closer. Upon closer inspection, he also noticed it wasn't just one voice, but numerous voices outside, and Donghyuck was nowhere to be found.

"Donghyuck, why couldn't you just tell us?" That was the first sentence Mark could hear clearly. With the accentuated accent, he could tell it wasn't one of the Korean members, but it sounded pretty close to Ten's voice. There was no reply, but someone else spoke up. It was muffled, but Mark could make out the meaning of the sentence anyways. "Guys, don't pressure him, maybe he has his reasons."

Donghyuck's voice was clear to Mark. "It's really hard to explain this. I... I..." More murmurs from the rest, before someone else spoke up. "Then why did you do it in the first place? We all love you, Donghyuck, you should know that."

"It doesn't matter, does it? No one seemed to give a shit until you saw the nutritionist assignments in my room. And now you drag me out here at two a.m to give me some lecture on loving myself. Don't you dare say I never tried. It's easy when all of you look like that." There was a stagnant pause. "I don't really want to get in an argument over this. I'm eating fine now and I really didn't need this." The silence was deafening, and even Mark could feel it. He never realised how fast his heart was pounding and how he had been holding his breath in the whole time.

There were still noises, however Mark could hear footsteps coming back to the room. He said nothing, merely pretending that he hadn't woken up and continued to shut his eyes.. As he heard rustling from the bed above him, he figured Donghyuck was leaving, but he had half a heart to at least turn to Mark and inform him of his whereabouts.

"Hey, hyung, I'm going over to Renjun's and Jeno's room for the night." 

Mark stayed silent. He wanted to ask him why, but it would look as if Mark had been eavesdropping, and he didn't want to make things worse.

There was a pause after, and Mark assumed that Donghyuck had left, but Donghyuck continued to speak. "Hyung, do you think I'm too bothersome?

No reply once more, but Mark wanted to immediately reply. _Why would you ask that?_ He thought. He could feel a tinge of agitation in him. _How could Donghyuck ever think of himself like that?_

"I mean, this is so stupid, you're asleep, but why can't I stop talking?" He heard Donghyuck grumble, taking a seat by the side of his bed. "I'm so conflicted with you. You literally had to cancel your recording session because of me. And you've been itching to write lyrics recently, but I know you decided to use any time you have to check in on me and help me. I also heard you doing your schoolwork the night before at twelve am after you made sure I was okay and asleep. You look tired as well, hyung." Donghyuck rambled.

 _I never think of you as bothersome. And I'll never._ Mark wanted to reassure him, but his eyes remained closed. All he wanted to do was to climb out of bed to grab Donghyuck by the shoulders and pull him close. He wanted to feel Donghyuck's warm, with his sweater pressing against Mark's chest, and feel the steady heartbeat of the younger pounding of his chest. 

"Why don't you think that way, hyung? Why don't you think I'm bothersome?" Donghyuck whispered to Mark, glancing at him nervously. Mark could picture the younger's image in his head. He was biting his lips, as if waiting for Mark to say something, anything, not daring to look up. The glimmer of moonlight shone on him, making Donghyuck look somewhat innocent and at the same time highlighting his tan skin and beautiful eyelashes. 

Even in Mark's position, he was still rendered speechless, the words that he wanted to say lingering, but never coming out. I _t's because_   _I love you. It's because I care. Maybe it's because you're the bloody sun that shines down on my life, I don't know. I just know I can't leave you to suffer._  The words were on the edge of his tongue, but he bit back his will to speak. "It's okay if you have your own reasons. I'm still thankful for all of your help." Donghyuck muttered, placing his hand on Mark's head, stroking his hair lazily. Mark bit back the urge to smile. 

"You probably don't even know how much you wreck me." Donghyuck said. "You probably won't even remember this tomorrow." Mark could just feel the tension in the room, as if it was a tightly pulled rubber band waiting to snap. "Why must it be you who treats me so nicely? Why must it be you that understands? I would give anything in this world to make it someone else, but I just can't seem to do that."

"You create so much pain for me, hyung. So many sleepless nights because my brain couldn't stop thinking about that night when I decided I was going to tell you how I felt about us. I kept going back to the time when I was scared about us and you told me it was going to be okay, and you would kiss away my worries and convince me to stay. I keep thinking about it, even till today. Was it right for me to do it? Was I wrong about you?" Donghyuck spoke clearly, but took a pause in between his sentences. "After that, when I walked away, there was no happiness or relief, it was just guilt and regret. There was no form of joy anywhere in me, in fact I think I felt even worse. I never gave you any chance to explain what was going on, and I broke it off with you, and placed all of the blame right on you to shoulder." Mark's heart sank.

"I spoke to Doyoung-hyung. He told me it would get better, but it never did. I tried everything to forget it, but when I saw you crumbling, I knew it was because of me. I couldn't take that, so I tried to love you again, to embrace you and at least treat you as a friend, but all of those memories and feelings hurt like a motherfucker, hyung. I couldn't do it, not like that."

"Then those comments-" Donghyuck stopped for a moment, it was almost as if he just couldn't continue to even think about it. Mark was a little concerned, so this was what Donghyuck could not explain, not even to Mark. "I just couldn't take it, and yet you were so understanding and at least tried to help me. You understood me perfectly, and was there, even after what I did to you. I told myself not to get attached, and yet.. oh what am I doing?"

"I just can't seem to tear myself away from you, hyung. No matter how hard I've tried, it's always been you, and it will always be you." Donghyuck concluded, but he chuckled, as if over how pathetic he was. Mark could tell from the tone that Donghyuck was being genuine. He was actually hurting, actually conflicted about what was going on. He had probably thought about this for months since they had that talk. As if instinctively, Mark opened his eyes, reaching his hand out to grab Donghyuck's chin. The other boy was in shock, jumping back from the sight. Realisation seemed to dawn on him as he was flabbergasted, eyes widening as he stuttered, "You.. How much did you hear?"

"Does it really matter?" Mark responded, pulling the younger nearer. "It's enough to know that I'm not the only one who feels the same way you do."

And with that, he kissed him. 

It wasn't passionate or anything like the kisses they had shared before any of this mess got into their lives. It was slow and sweet, yet somehow bitter in a way that Mark could not describe. He could taste Donghyuck's lips, chapped but having the hint of the warm soda they both shared in the living room hours from now, as his mouth moved, but there was hesitation in Donghyuck as he did not kiss him back as forcefully as before. It was almost like a whirlwind of emotions had hit him, ranging from a mix of joy but a little bit of sorrow, as well as the doubt in it. Mark was determined to change that, kissing him even more forcefully than usual. He felt Donghyuck's shock, as he bit down on Mark's lower lip, earning him a groan from the other. Later, as they pulled away, Mark placed lazy pecks on Donghyuck's lips, and the corners of his mouth. "Let me love you again, please." Mark looked at Donghyuck, with the amount of conviction he hoped he had to make sure he wouldn't lose the boy again.

Donghyuck stuttered in his reply. "Mark, I can't." Mark's heart raced, and he couldn't help but call out again. "If it's me, I promise I'll listen, I promise I'll be there for you. I can't lose you again."

"I can't, Mark. I really can't. I love you so much that it hurts me, but still there are things which I can't bear to burden you with." Donghyuck responded, looking half apologetic, but at the same time Mark could sense the guilt in his eyes. "Then, could you at least stay tonight?" There was a hesitation in his decision, but Donghyuck decided to turn back and lay in bed with Mark. Their bodies were touching, but their hands on places not intimate, but simply touching tips of their fingers and closing their eyes peacefully. After a while, Donghyuck decided to move a little closer in, into Mark's chest where it was warm, and Mark could not complain.

Mark didn't know how peaceful sleep could be until he had Donghyuck in his arms one more time.

The next morning, the cold washed over him.

Donghyuck was gone.

_"Hey, hyung," Donghyuck asked, turning to Mark in the van as they drove back from the music show after their first stage for NCT 127. It was late into the night, and the rest were already asleep. "What is it, hyuck?"_

_"Do you ever think about the future? I mean when I look at all of the sunbaes, they seem to be having a hard time later on in their career. Do you ever wonder how successful we will be?" Donghyuck questioned, looking at Mark skeptically. Mark just simply replied. "Well, with enough passion and hard work, we'll get through anything together."_

_"Can you promise me something?"_

_"Anything, shoot."_

_"If we're ever worried or troubled about something, we'll tell each other. Don't suffer in our own misery alone, and never think of it as burdening the other." Mark simply laughed. "Alright then, I promise."_

_"No, seriously, promise me." Donghyuck stretched out his pinky finger, waiting for Mark to do the same._

_Mark did, connected the two pinkies tightly, locking them together in a pinky promise.  "I promise you, and even if you aren't ready to tell me, I'll wait for you."_

_"What a sap, geez." Donghyuck rolled his eyes dramatically. "I guess I'll just look forward to that, Mark-hyung. You pining away for me."_

_"Be careful what you wish for." Mark joked._

_The van jerked, and both boys fell into comfortable silence after._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent 2 months on this shit storm :-) 
> 
> until next time, chat me up here or on twitter! @monokarm! will follow back haha


	10. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end has come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's THE END OMG asap though stop lying to yourself it took bloody months for this to come out
> 
> but honestly this chapter was really hard to write because a lot of things have been happening in my life...
> 
> my friends are leaving me (ikr what a loser having their friends leave them on my graduating year), my results are bad, and im stressed out af
> 
> writing markhyuck was really a good way to leave all of these things behind but it still hurts, and i didnt want this chapter to be influenced by my own feelings, so i took a break from it
> 
> although it still is a rather fresh wound, i wanted to complete this for you guys, because yea markhyuck is still one of my otps and i love them
> 
> i hope you have enjoyed this journey and will tag along for the future ones :) 
> 
> xx, carm

Mark's heart knew what it meant when he woke up alone. It wasn't even any debatable matter, nor was it anything he was surprised by. It was spelt out, crystal clear, yet there was something that made him wish it wasn't so. 

He knew it like how he knew his raps back to back, reciting them by rote. He knew it like how he knew the Cherry Bomb dance routine, by heart.

But most importantly, he knew the outcome would be like this, just like the way he knew Donghyuck's each and every quirk, the look he had on his face as he smiled a certain kind of way, or the mannerisms which could only be described as adorable to Mark. He knew what Donghyuck wanted to convey easily, and he knew he had to accept it.

They both felt the same way towards each other, but both had their differences. Both of them had a push and pull relationship, no doubt, but there were walls and obstacles in their way. Donghyuck and Mark both knew it clearly, and they knew it was because of these little things that stopped them. However, it was not like they never tried, they both did, but the longing for each other wasn't enough to break through.

Was it Mark's fault? He had wished it was, and then that way he could do something about it, but relationships were a two way thing, and so he let time do what it did best, heal things.

Donghyuck and him were back to normal, after all they were still childhood friends who grew up together, so there was far too many memories and feelings between them that would patch them back together like a jigsaw puzzle. It even got easier, they would joke around just like normal, even exchange simple touches and crack a few jokes. Donghyuck regained his old personality, and that comforted Mark. His heart no longer felt as heavy, but certainly there was still a wound, one which he expected would take longer to heal.

But they coped. Mark worked more on his rap and music production, and Donghyuck did the same with his vocals. Sooner or later, it became less about them, less about whatever their relationship was about, less about their own personal feelings and emotions, less about any of it. Yet again, music drew them back together. Countless practices on We Young forced them back together, the come back stages, interviews, fan meetings, it was almost like reality was playing tricks with him. He didn't know either he was more grateful or upset, but either way, he gained a little bit of Donghyuck back into his life again. 

It was like rubbing salt on a fresh wound, yet he relished in it. He wanted Donghyuck back, and he got exactly what he asked for.

Mark had no expectations that anything would evolve besides simple friends, but it didn't mean he didn't wish for anything again. The answer was simple, it wouldn't. Donghyuck had made it clear, and Mark never would want to make him feel that way again. It was just too fresh of a wound, and he could lose everything again.

 _Friends would be enough._ He convinced himself. But something in him, still nagged at him, "You're a liar." 

The guilt for even having those thoughts could bury him, if he didn't bury them. So he did. 

* * *

Life soon took over, and Mark found himself in a situation where he forgot he ever had those conflicts with Donghyuck anymore. He was on his graduating year, and with music and school these things seem so small after a while. Distractions would come up sometimes, but never to the point where he would see them as anything too important that he had to stop and take a break. Life was always a blur for him, his momentum always at maximum speed, and along the way he had forgotten what it meant to have a sip of coffee in the early morning as he lazily read the morning news, or the sounds of the birds chirping as he walked to school. The smell of the air after a light drizzle, or the beauty in the world when he just stopped in his tracks and looked around, all of these sights seemed foreign. After debut, breaks seemed more of an excuse to slack off, hiatuses more of a punishment than a blessing, and free time equating to stress - surprisingly enough. There was never time to stop, never time to look back on past wrongs and past rights, and certainly no time for anything other than this.

There was no time, Mark deemed it to be. 

He soon fell into a familiar rhythm, coming back from shoots and shows, simply to either eat or practice some more. On the rare occasions he wasn't stressing over a song verse or lyrics for that one specific melody that he wanted to perfect, he would find himself seated in front of the computer, typing his essay for whatever his school had assigned him. However, with the even rarer chance that he had completely everything, from his work to his school assignments, sometimes, although very unlikely, he would be laying by his bed, in between the pillows, engulfed in the warmth of a fuzzy blanket, reading a book. Recently, he had picked up some books from the national library on science fiction again, and although there were still some terms he didn't get (due to the difficult Korean), the same warm feeling he had as a child whilst reading on these things came back to him again. It comforted him, reminded him of a time where things were simpler, where your worth wasn't measured in looks or the amount of money you made in a show. It brought him back to his childhood in Canada, where he used to go snowboarding in the winter, or went to see museums and looked at various animals in the aquariums.

There was once a time where he wasn't "Mark the rapper" or "Mark the artiste", but just a simple boy who struggled to learn French and loved singing.

He would wonder what that boy would be doing at this point of time. If only he never went for the audition, he could be a eighteen year old boy who would have probably wondering what he would study in university. He could have been a boy who was solely focused on his grades in school, a boy who could dream of having a regular day with a regular timetable, regular schedules and regular activities. But fate brought him here, so who was he to say no to his current reality? He was living out what he wanted to do, and for some reason he thanked whoever had helped him even pass that audition.

Technically, thinking of his own audition gave him shudders. He had to force back his cringe as he thought of him that day. Fourteen year old him, standing in front of a few adults with a bunch of kids relatively of the same age as him, and asked to showcase whatever their talent was in that few moments. He remembered the nerves that had settled in him for that few seconds before his turn, the way he could feel the bile rise up and then forced down by his mind once again. He remembered how he stammered his name, then proceeded to dance a one minute routine that he had spent a few weeks planning and choreographing for. He could feel the gazes of the other people in the room on him, but in that instance he had no idea whether they were supportive or simply looks of shock. He had willed his mind to think of the former, as when he finished his routine he simply bowed. There were a few claps, but generally it was silent after. His heart started to pound once again, as he thanked those who had the courtesy to acknowledge his hard work. 

He had still recalled how he left the audition room, but in his mouth was only the taste of satisfaction and a little bit of regret. That night, he went home with the thought of hoping he could get through, hoping somehow one of the panelists had thought he had potential to go through, and officially start training in Korea. His wish had certainly been granted.

The times where he would look back were always the times he treasured. It reminded him of why he started his journey in the first place, and why he had to stay focused. It guided him, motivated him, pushed him to do better, and he was never going to be ashamed of the fourteen year old who stood in front of five panelists and did what he would consider one of the most embarrassing performances he had ever done in his lifetime.

He wondered what he would tell that boy, the fourteen year old who was worried about his future. Would he tell him everything would work out, and that he would debut in a group which he loved the music style of, and that he would make so many friends that could even be considered as family? Or would he tell him not to worry too much, because time would create miracles and that he would be happy?

That would be what he could say before his current circumstances, but now all he wanted to tell the boy was this,

"Appreciate life while it's still simple, because the real world isn't like that at all. It's confusing and difficult, and sometimes you can't follow your heart, even when it's begging you to follow it."

* * *

Although his thoughts strayed far away from Donghyuck on most days, it didn't mean Donghyuck wouldn't resurface in his mind a couple times. However, they wouldn't just be about how regret would pool in his stomach, but sometimes more on how he was doing. How he was eating, how he was feeling, these all stemmed from inside of him. Some days, he would catch Donghyuck falling back into the routine he had, not eating, not sleeping, but Mark was always there with a helpful hand, motivating words and sometimes a granola bar or two. Things that ~~friends~~ good friends did, normal enough. Their friendship fell back in place easily, and either minded.

Yet this friendship was still a double-edged sword, as Mark was forced to confront his toxic thoughts on his friend every single day. He was forced to remember that he still had a small semblance of those romantic feelings that his friend had long confirmed were not going to be returned again, and that disgusted him. Guilt would just nag him everyday, reminding him that he had to get rid of those feelings and move on. However, with those feelings still present, it made him realise how hyper-aware he was of Donghyuck's every move. He gained the realisation that he looked at Donghyuck more often than what friends would usually have, thought of Donghyuck more often than he should have, and most importantly, noticed small things that Donghyuck usually did. Somehow these things just seemed to backfire on him, and one day he noticed something different in Donghyuck's usual routine.

Donghyuck stopped coming back home from school with him. Sure, the two were in different grades, but they had always made it a habit to go to and come back from school together. Be it with the excuse of schedules or simply the fact that they wanted to, they did it.

Mark never asked. He knew Donghyuck had his reasons, that could involve a certain new classmate that he hadn't heard of until recently. 

He knew it also somehow involved long walks down the street, all the way until the entertainment building, where they would say their goodbyes, and occasionally give each other a hug. A lot of banter, chit-chat, or whatever you would like to call it, was involved. That weirdly made Mark's stomach coil.

Donghyuck never really talked about him, but Mark could tell that he was a lot happier. He spoke more at meals, laughed loudly and would tease them more often than usual, and even volunteered to cook and wash up which was very odd indeed. That, on the other hand, had made Mark pretty glad.

On a random Thursday, Mark got the name to that boy.

"Kim Jinwoo. He's in my class, and he's the class president." Donghyuck had said it in such a sickeningly sweet manner, with such softness in his voice that Mark didn't know how to respond.

When he was met with silence, he quickly continued. "You asked once, remember? The boy with the black hair?"

"Many people have black hair, Hyuck." Mark snorted, but there was just this sinking feeling in his gut that just felt like it was burning holes in his stomach. It was suffocating.

"I mean the one from SOPA." He cleared his throat. "Anyways, you asked, so I'm telling you. He's nice." With that, a light blush arose from Donghyuck's cheeks, and his eyes looked down warily. Mark could only watch as Donghyuck rubbed his hands nervously, stammering a little. "And... well he's in my class-"

"You already told me that." Mark forced himself to look at the floor, trying not to pay attention to the churning in his stomach and his blood boiling. He willed himself not to get too ahead. _He's not yours._

"He asked me out." 

Mark could have swore his heart stopped beating. _He's not yours._

"I'm thinking of saying yes."

_You are such an asshole, be happy for him._

"What do you think?"

_Be a good friend. Tell him._

"Anyone would be happy to be with you. I hope he treats you right." Mark replied, but something bit and chewed at him, something which stung from within and hurt him. "Anyways, why do you need my opinion?"

"Well, we're friends, aren't we? And I don't want to hurt you, especially after..." Donghyuck trailed, not bothering to finish his sentence. Mark didn't need a reason why.

"Look, I'm fine. You deserve a new chance, Hyuck. As long as he's a good guy, I'm sure you two will be happy." Mark said, forcing a smile on his lips. Despite whatever he had actually felt, there was no way in hell he was going to make Donghyuck sad just because he wouldn't let it go. It was clear, they were no more, and that was that. If he wanted to be selfish, he should have done that before any of this happened. 

 _Let him go._ And so he did.

The brilliant smile that was on Donghyuck's face made him feel even more guilt and sorrow than he could ever feel, as Donghyuck rose from his seat to whip out his phone, texting away.

Mark continued to look down, as if he hadn't felt anything. But the feeling hurt, and he couldn't do a thing about it.

 _He's not yours anymore._ He reminded himself. _You'll get over it in time, just like how he did._

If he was more observant, he would have caught the other boy along the hallway with the same anguish and inner turmoil, with only lingering thoughts.

_He's moved on, so should I. I shouldn't burden him anymore._

* * *

This had been the second time Mark had to see his friend go on a date. This time, however, it was official. It had almost been as if Donghyuck was planning his own wedding, judging from how frantic he was about the whole situation. It had been the umpteenth time he had asked Mark on what he should wear, what flowers he should get, and how to act during the whole date. Based on whatever details Mark could get out of the babble, Jinwoo had planned to bring Donghyuck to catch a movie, and then grab dinner on the way back. It was the cliché first date that many people did if they simply didn't have any idea what to do, and frankly Mark was a little bothered by how un-unique this whole set up had been, but he didn't have to tell Donghyuck that.

What he had been surprised by was how nervous the boy was by this. He hadn't expected this at all, especially after the whole fiasco during their first date at the amusement park. That boy was simply oozing confidence then, despite whatever bubbly feelings he had inside. Heck, he had even made it a point to make Mark feel as flustered as possible, and said some pretty embarrassing things on that ferris wheel ride! He wondered if Donghyuck had been this scared before their date itself, and honestly it was pretty funny and cute to see the younger like this.

 _Cute?_ The bubbly feelings rose inside of Mark again, and he felt like he was about to be sick. _No, no, no, no, no._

"Hyung, help me!" Donghyuck's whine snapped him back into reality again. It then only made him realise he was standing in a pile of clothes, and their own wardrobe seemed to have been ransacked. The clothes that were seemingly rejected by Donghyuck had laid sadly on the floor in a giant heap, and he was furiously searching for clothes on the rack. " I can't find anything to wear and Jinwoo's going to come by at 6, oh sh-"

"Hey, no swearing in this room." Mark joked, whilst looking at the bundles of clothes on the floor. "It's one date, not your wedding, Hyuck. Since you're going to a movie, it might get cold, so maybe something warm?" Donghyuck either was simply too anxious or was trying to be funny, because he decided to whip out the blazer, and was almost about to grab the black tie as well, before Mark quickly stopped him.

"I don't think a student's going to have money to bring you to a place where you need to be in this formal attire." Mark had to force himself to steady his voice, because what the heck, his mind was going places that were definitely not right for a friend. Just imagining Donghyuck in a suit, how his chest would look super built, and the way it would just fit him so snuggly, as if it was tailored made just for him to wear alone, was enough for him to have to force his mind back on track. Donghyuck hadn't caught on, but Mark knew he was still so bloody whipped for this kid, and it was all so stupid, so, so, stupid! _Be gone, sinful thoughts._

By then, Donghyuck had put away the blazer, and was now deciding between two white shirts that literally looked the same to Mark. He wondered if Donghyuck was just trying to count the number of seams it had took to stitch the two shirts respectively, to find out which was better made for fear it might come apart during the date.

Eyeing the pile of clothes, he noticed a blue outerwear amongst the different colours. Picking it up, it had quite a bit of thickness to it, yet felt light at the same time, which was perfect for the current weather, and especially for the air conditioning in the theatre. Furthermore, it had small little details like the white collar and pockets, which made it really nice if paired with the striped shirt Donghyuck was sporting. All there was left to do was throw on some white flats and a pair of jeans - ripped or not, it did not matter, and Donghyuck would look perfect. A lump sat uncomfortably in his throat, knowing that it was another date Donghyuck was going to, but he pushed those thoughts away.

"Stop freaking out, go and change into this. Grab the jeans in that mini pile of clothes over there, then keep your top. You'll look cool, trust me." Mark said cooly, as Donghyuck followed what he said, and boy was he not wrong. Donghyuck had pretty much looked almost perfect, besides the fact that he was still panicking slightly, but that would be a detail that could be easily overlooked. He had ever taken the liberty to throw on a burgundy beanie, as a way to hide his coloured hair or simply for convenience, but oh boy was Mark not expecting any of that. The younger then rushed to the door, sitting down to lace up his shoes just as the doorbell rang.

Mark could almost feel the nerves radiating off the two of them. Jinwoo looked nice enough to say the least. He had worn a simply getup, a black tee under a warm, fuzzy jacket which had an assortment of patches on it, along with a simple pair of jeans. He seemed polite, even greeting Mark by honorific when they had first met eyes. He had quickly composed himself, but only a fool wouldn't have noticed the way Jinwoo looked at Donghyuck, as if the boy could create the stars that shone in the night sky or as if the sun shone out of his ass. Donghyuck had gone into a stutter, as he turned to Jinwoo and smiled, a warm blush forming on his cheeks. Both boys looked at each other with shy liking, and that made Mark's heart hurt a little yet also gave him a warm, fluttery feeling. The combination wasn't one he fancied, so he took to wishing Donghyuck to have fun, and then turning away swiftly before he could make a fool of himself because of his beating heart.

"Thanks for the help, hyung! Don't wait up for me!" There was never a reply to Donghyuck's words.

* * *

It turned out there wasn't even enough time to worry about Donghyuck's date, because sooner or later Mark was asked out as well. It was simple really, he had been of the graduating class, and there was simply no time for anyone who had had a crush on him to wait out until their feelings fizzled and dissolved like an Vitamin C capsule in water. He was never going to claim he was handsome (after all what was even considered handsome when you had Taeyong-hyung in your group?), but he wasn't too harsh on the eyes. Once, he had heard a few girls from his class talking about him and how he apparently looked 'suave' and 'too beautiful'. He had dismissed it as a joke, because honestly him with his blonde curly hair, which had been dubbed as 'ramen hair' by the fans and his classmates, wasn't the best hair he had. Also, he had assumed the students in his school had been used to the idol culture - heck, there were so many trainees that he knew, and many graduates had went on to become successful in the industry, but apparently he was wrong. Once NCT had debuted, he was practically swarmed with people asking him about his idol life, what it felt to debut, and so on and so for. Girls (and boys) alike from different levels had came up to him, politely asking to take a selca. It was way too overwhelming.

Needless to say, the buzz continued, especially after more debuts in 127 and Dream. Mark wondered what had been so great about him for him to deserve this.

The person that asked him out was pretty sincere, he had to admit. It started out with simple treats left on his desk which he would find after he came back from the bathroom on alternate days. It then escalated to more personalised things, like good luck charms and little notes. Mark had went around asking his classmates, but no one seemed to want to tell him anything. They either looked genuinely confused, but most of them would snicker and then brush it off as if nothing was wrong.

Finally, he received a note from the said someone. It had been wedged in between his textbooks, in a small white slip of paper. The note had been handwritten, straight and clean hangul on it. The pink gel pen had smeared a little at the side, and you could see faint pencil markings of various korean alphabets. It was obvious that whoever this person was, he or she had been really nervous

_~~Classroom~~   ~~Club room~~   ~~Music room~~  Rooftop during lunch?  Please meet me!_

That was the message, simple and straight forward. And Mark hadn't had any reason not to go, so he did.

So that was what he was doing, walking straight to the rooftop. Once the bell had rang, he had excused himself to make the tip. As he walked up the stairs, he started to wonder whom had been the one to send him these notes? They didn't know about his relationship with Donghyuck for say, so it could be sheer coincidence that he was asked out at this point of time. Another thing was he didn't want to assume it was a girl, although the handwriting did look like it was from a girl. He wasn't opposed to either, after all he had noticed he hadn't been too particular about the gender, but instead more on the personality and of course, despite him not wanting to be a superficial asshole, looks played a little role in his decisions as well. Mark cleared his throat as he made his way up the last flight of stairs. There was still a little nagging feeling that was somehow hoping this note was from Donghyuck?

He shook his head, disgusted. Donghyuck had made a conscious decision to make it clear to everyone that he was in love with someone other than him. The last time he saw the two lovebirds, it was when he had came back from school and saw the two canoodling on the sofa in the lounge in their school. He'd had to admit, Donghyuck had looked much happier recently, but he didn't want to attribute it simply because of Jinwoo, but more so on Donghyuck's will to be happy. Mark had to admit, Jinwoo was pretty good looking, and he was humourous and polite. He had stood a little taller than Donghyuck, with bleashed hair, dyed a shining silver. He had inquired about it once, and Jinwoo had been in a group that would debut in a couple of weeks time. There were also two piercings on his left ear, and one silver dangling ring hung from the both of them. He looked strangely similar to Jeno, but with a bit more muscle than him. Mark couldn't disagree that they looked good together. 

There was no reason why Donghyuck would find anything wrong with him. 

As he caught sight of the rooftop, he scanned around for anyone. There was only one person there, and they seemed to had been expecting someone.

It was the same boy whom he had thoughts before that he could pin the stars on the sky and cause the sun to shine.

"Hyuck?" Mark said, but his voice was so soft it'd might as well be a whisper. He did nothing to catch the boy's attention. Donghyuck seemed oblivious to his presence. He was looking down from the railings. The wind blew, and strands of loose hairs blew along with it, and somehow he looked as if the sun had blessed his whole existence. Light shone on his cheekbones, reflecting off his face and he looked exactly like a Greek God. Mark didn't say anything after, as he wondered what was the younger doing here? It was very rarely that students came to the rooftop. Most of the time, people came up to the rooftop whenever they needed to get some air - away from all of the stresses of teenager life. The rooftop was infamously dubbed as the 'Confession Hub', as on Valentine's Day, it seemed to be the only time it got any attention at all. 

For a split second, a thought registered in Mark's head. "Did he write the note?"

That thought was dashed when he heard a familiar voice from behind. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Hyuckie!" As Mark turned around, he made eye contact with a very familiar silver haired boy, whom looked at him with a small, shy smile. He quickly greeted Mark, apologising for being rude, and then walked straight to Donghyuck. Donghyuck had finally noticed the older's presence, it had seemed, as he, too, had turned to greet him. "Mark-hyung! I didn't know you liked the rooftop too!"

Mark didn't really reply, simply shrugging. Donghyuck didn't ask too much about it, but turned to face Jinwoo instead. As they met, Jinwoo pressed a light kiss on Donghyuck's nose, and both of them giggled, looking at each other with awe. Jinwoo had placed his hands at Donghyuck's waist, and the two had pulled themselves in a semi-intimate position. Mark didn't think too much of it, but there was a sour taste in his mouth, and his stomach lurched. He, still however, had the ability to throw out a teasing remark, just like what a good hyung would. "Hey, I'm still here you know."

Jinwoo pulled away frantically, a blush rising to his cheeks, tinting his face a light pink. Donghyuck didn't seemed to be affected. "This is our spot, hyung. Find somewhere else." After saying so, he pulled Jinwoo near again, pressing a kiss on his cheek. Jinwoo couldn't seem to come up with a comprehensible string of words, stammering, obviously flustered. Mark felt the pull in his stomach again, and he willed himself to forget it.

"Mark-ssi?" A female voice broke the silence. As he turned around, there was a gasp, made by either one of the boys, as he met eyes with the speaker.

The girl was neither rather tall or short, instead standing perhaps around the average height. She had long black hair that had obviously been straightened, but had dark eyes that were staring intensely into Mark's. Honestly speaking, this had been a girl who hadn't been a sight for sore eyes. She looked pretty much like those girls Mark often gravitated towards - light skin, dark eyes and hair. She could have been said to be Mark's "type". Her makeup was rather light, mark could see the light penciling in of her eyebrows at the sparse areas, and light concealer with blush on her face. Red gloss danced on her lips, giving the illusion of smaller lips. She was beautiful, Mark couldn't lie.

Mark recognised her immediately as Kim Haeyeon, the girl who had sat behind him for the past year. In that instant, he remembered her table on Valentines' Day, practically littered with confession letters and gifts from various students. She hadn't replied anyone, and had even been seen sulking as she went through them.

Kim Haeyeon liked him? What was this world coming to?

"Hi, Haeyeon." He managed to choke out, trying to smile. "We're the same age, so let's drop the formalities. Is that okay?"

Haeyeon's face tinted a bright shade of red as she smiled back. Her smile was infectious, with cute dimples and he realised why so many of his classmates liked her. She had a pleasant demeanour, and was careful with her words. As a gust of wind blew, she flipped her hair back, playing with the strands of it. Mark assumed it was a nervous habit, and didn't comment. "I'm okay with that, Mark." Hearing his name in that intimate manner, it made chills go down his spine. "Um, so you might be wondering why I called you here so suddenly, I'm sorry about that." She said, unable to look him in the eye. 

Mark hadn't minded. "It's okay, Haeyeon. No need to apologise." With the mention of her name, Haeyeon's face seemed to turn a deeper shade of red.

"I just want to say I really admire you." The words were soft, but with enough clarity for Mark to hear. "I know we don't see each other often, but you're smart and so humorous. You never complain about how busy your schedule is, and you're always so positive. I don't know if anyone has told you this, but you're really impressive. Besides how you look, I don't know how to explain this, but I really like you, Mark."

"Haeyeon-"

"I know you may have the so-called idol dating ban, but after I saw Donghyuck, I figured I would give it a shot." Haeyeon said. The place seemed silent for that brief moment. Mark was never a terribly mean guy, but he couldn't deny the fact that he couldn't feel the stir he had in his stomach whenever he used to be around Donghyuck. His heart fluttered, but was that from shock or actual mutual liking, Mark didn't know for sure. Perhaps Donghyuck had just been special, and this was actually how relationships were. He didn't want to take the risk again, and decided it would be good for him to start afresh. 

"Let's start again, shall we?" Mark said, moving closer to Haeyeon. "Hi, Haeyeon, I'm Mark Lee. I would like to get to know you better. There's a café downtown near the school, would you want to come with me?"

"Yes, I would." Haeyeon giggled, and pulled him into a hug. Heat radiated off of her, and he felt at home in that second. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Mark." As she said so, she placed a peck on Mark's cheek, and ran off. The spot her lips touch felt like it was burning, and he could feel himself flush. Suddenly, a voice broke his train of thought. "Hey, I'm happy for you, hyung. Good luck on your date!" 

Mark could only laugh. Leave it to Donghyuck to ruin the atmosphere. Strangely, despite what he knew he was supposed to feel, there was a slight tingle in his stomach, and a voice that whispered to him that it wasn't right, but he knew better to listen. He needed courage to leave whatever he felt behind, just like how Donghyuck did. 

A new chapter meant a new him, and he hoped he would be right.

* * *

**_ <Hyuckie> 13:27: _ **

Hyung, sorry to bother you, but I need to talk to someone.

I feel terrible but I don't know how to explain it.

_ **< leader hyung> 13:30:** _

Lee Donghyuck? Apologising? I must have died and gone to heaven.

_< leader hyung is typing...>_

_ **< leader hyung> 13:32:** _

But really, go ahead. I'm listening.

_**< Hyuckie> 13:33:** _

You know I broke up with Mark some time back. 

_< Hyuckie is typing...>_

I don't know why I did it. I was scared, yes, scared of what could happen. I always liked him, and finally when I confessed I thought this huge weight was lifted off of me. I liked him so much, that when he said yes, I really genuinely thought it was the happiest moment of my life. But after knowing what we would be actually up against - the public, the busy schedules, and how tired he looked everyday, I didn't know how we would withstand it. 

Maybe I was too eager, maybe I had been too naïve, but it just wasn't what I expected. I realise now how I have been having way too high expectations on him. Perhaps to me love was to show affection openly, but to Mark it was different. And to think I said all of those horrible things to him. 

_**< leader hyung> 13:40:** _

Knowing you, you probably blamed him for the 'failure' of this relationship, didn't you.

I wouldn't blame you, there just wasn't good communication. Mark's a good guy, but he's the kind that expresses his love subtlely. Love isn't about big gestures to people. Sometimes it can be as simple as a "are you okay". Overall, love is what you define it as. He isn't too dense of a guy, he must have picked up on your definition of love somehow, and tried to accommodate.

_ **< Hyuckie> 13:44:** _

He wrote me a set of songs, hyung. 

That was when I knew he loved me, and what he meant by love was so different from mine. I fucked up.

Every time I listened to it, it reminded me of how I ruined this boy. How I made him feel so much guilt and pain, because I misunderstood him. I couldn't face him, I couldn't tell him what I wanted to, and it was just a simple apology. I should have made a move. But I instead led him on, made him think that it was his fault, and as if I didn't feel anything. I burdened him, hyung. How could I?

_ **< leader hyung> 13:47:** _

He played a part in it too. You both didn't understand, no one is solely to blame. Stop beating yourself up over this, Donghyuck.

_ **< Hyuckie> 13:51:** _

He didn't take it the way I thought he would. I assumed he would just accept it, but Mark isn't the kind. He thought it was his shortcomings, and he tried to make it up to me. He wanted us to be at least friends again, and tried not to make it worse. But somehow, knowing he was tolerating me, knowing it was me whom had caused him to have to feel this way about himself, that he was obligated to woo me back, when in reality he never would have needed to if it weren't for my insecure ass.

_ **< leader hyung> 13:52:** _

Language!

_ **< Hyuckie> 13:53:** _

Sorry hyung, but you get my point.

Then the scandal hit, and with all the stress from the comeback, and the Mark situation, along with this added factor, I couldn't take it. It was just as if my hunger wasn't the most important thing anymore, and I grew even more self conscious of myself. I didn't want to starve myself, but some part of me believed it was just the right thing to do, so I did. Yet, there Mark was, to help me through this process. He was so kind, so sweet, so patient, and it rekindled the flame that I had hoped would be extinguished.

He did so much for me already, the last I could do was to burden him with myself and my feelings.

When I told him this, I really wanted it to be a fresh start, but he kissed me, and that just reminded me of why I loved him. But for him, and not to hurt him anymore, I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell him any of it. I want him back, hyung. It hurts too much. I'm just angry at myself for not realising it sooner.

_ **< leader hyung> 13:55** _

Do you still love him?

If you do, stop assuming his feelings. Mark's a person too, he's the other side to this. If anything, have you asked him what he felt? Have you asked him whether he wanted you back? He has a say in this too, Donghyuck.

_ **< Hyuckie> 13:56:** _

He told me he loved me.

_ **< leader hyung> 13:57:** _

You have your answer there. Go talk to him, Hyuck. He'll understand.

_ **< Hyuckie> 14:00:** _

It's too late for that now. He won't.

I convinced him I was okay. I just wanted an excuse not to feel so guilty, and because of that he's moved on.

He's dating a senior from his class, and I egged him on. They've been out on a few dates recently, and I don't know what to feel.

_ **< leader hyung> 14:02:** _

Oh, Donghyuck. That's why you started dating Jinwoo. This is all a mess, isn't it?

Then, since you know this, stop leading Jinwoo on. Let him be happy, and just have a good talk with him alright? Jinwoo's a nice guy too, he'll appreciate it in the long run.

_ **< Hyuckie> 14:04:** _

Thanks, hyung.

_ **< leader hyung> 14:05:** _

Anytime. If you need a new place to sleep tonight or cry to someone, the door is always open.

* * *

"Do you want to get ice-cream?" Haeyeon asked, gesturing towards the ice-cream parlour a few blocks away. Mark only mumbled a simple 'sure', as she guided him towards the store. The hand in Mark's felt a little odd, considering that he usually wasn't one to initiate affection of any kind, but after what happened with Donghyuck, he did try to learn from it. He knew it gave Haeyeon a little sense of security, seeing as she practically would melt at his every touch, so he felt better knowing that he was making her feel better.

This hadn't been the first time the two had been to the ice-cream parlour, but nonetheless Mark always felt out of place. Haeyeon wasn't bad company, in fact Mark had learnt so much more about her over the course of the few weeks. She was pretty interesting, and it showed, just like how she had been talking to him about what happened to her friends and her over the course of the summer holidays, and it was one story Mark would probably never forget. As they snagged a booth next to the window, Mark was in the midst of laughing so hysterically that people around were looking, but that seemed to egg the two one as they continued their noisy banter. Haeyeon was nothing short of a person, but still it didn't really fall in place, but he figured it was due to how he was unfamiliar with the girl in the past.

Just as per normal. the servers here came to get their orders, before leaving the two again. There never seemed to be an awkward silence between them, as they sat comfortably, waiting for each other to make a move. Mark was still grabbing onto her hand, and the realisation of it made him a little flustered. He decided to speak up, talking about his life after debut, in which led to many more laughs and chatter. Just when Mark was getting to the climax of his story, there was a jingle at the door, and he saw familiar flashes of red and silver.

He couldn't help but notice the two. Despite them wearing face masks, he could still see a prominent portion of their face. He recognised Donghyuck immediately, Besides the shirt he was wearing which looked eerily similar to one he bought a few weeks ago, he could see his eyes which somehow didn't have the same shine to them as before. He wore a simple black beanie, but there were still strands of brightly dyed red hair sticking out from it. His muscles hugged the fabric of his shirt, considering that Mark was of a smaller frame than him, so it made perfect sense.  Yet, of course, judging from the other boy, it was quite easy to tell that the two were not on good terms. They weren't holding hands, which was a first for Mark, as they quickly made their way to the booth behind Mark's. They didn't speak, and frankly Mark could tell they hadn't noticed him which was strange, as he had been literally staring at them so obviously. Maybe they were used to it.

"Hey, I see someone I know outside, I'll be back in a while." Haeyeon interrupted his train of thought. She quickly left, turning the corner out of the door to speak to another girl. As he nodded to acknowledge and was about to turn to the comforts of his phone, suddenly there was a voice which sounded from behind. "So, should we just get this over and done with?" The clarity and depth of the tone made it obvious it was Jinwoo.

 _Oh no._ "Look, Jinwoo-ah, I-" _I shouldn't be listening._ It gave him dejá vu of the first time he overheard Donghyuck's crush.

"You called me last night, left a bunch of messages and all. I get your hint, but why did you need to meet me?" Jinwoo's voice was stern, but at the same time there were undertones of grief and disappointment. This made Mark's heart ache, and he couldn't imagine what Donghyuck was going through.

"I just wanted it to say this officially. I'm sorry. I think it's best if we part ways." Donghyuck's voice nearly made Mark's heart shatter.

"Could you at least tell me why?"

There was silence after. No one spoke, and Mark could feel his heart pumping at a great speed. He needed to leave. This was certainly not something he was supposed to hear, and he didn't want to intrude on their privacy. Mark wasn't the kind who liked to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help it. If he moved, they would know immediately he had heard everything, and that would certainly increase the tensions between the two. He swore to himself to keep this a secret between the two of them.

"You're a great guy, Jinwoo. Please don't be angry." Donghyuck's voice was calm and steady.

"I'm not." Jinwoo choked out, and Mark could envision the sight. It certainly made him feel uneasy.

"I don't have the capacity to love you the way you love me. There will be someone out there who can love you the way you can. And sadly, despite how much I wish I could, I can't. I simply can't do that to you." Donghyuck said. His voice never wavered, and Mark could tell he had been prepared. "I know you as well, Jinwoo. I've seen how you look at people. You deserve so much better."

The silence that ensued after was deafening. 

Then there were sounds of sobs. Mark knew it wasn't Donghyuck's.

"I have always wondered what luck I've had to find you." Jinwoo murmured. "It's been a good time with you, these past few months." There was a hum of acknowledgement. "But I figured there was something up, just wished my institution had been wrong." A broken laugh cut through the tensions like a pair of scissors. "You've always surprised me, Hyuck. I see why I was attracted to you. You're charming. Don't forget that." There was no reply after.

"You never told me what triggered this. Do me this favour, will you Donghyuck?" Jinwoo asked, and Mark's curiosity stirred again. 

"I'll do it." Donghyuck replied, firmly. 

"When you meet the person that you've completely set your sights on, hold on to him, alright?" A broken laugh rang again, and Mark could imagine Jinwoo's sad smile, which made his heart ache. "He's a lucky guy, I know it."

Donghyuck wasn't a beat slow with his reply. "Funny enough, you do know it, perhaps even better than you think." 

* * *

 Mark's fingers trailed at the same keyboard over and over, hovering over the text that was in his text bar, left unsent. He knew about the breakup, but it was clear it hadn't been officially announced by Donghyuck to the rest of the members. Heck, Ten and Yuta had taken the liberty to ask Donghyuck on his boyfriend during dinner today, and all he had done was to reply with a slight smile, gazing away ever so casually. 

It would be insensitive of Mark not to say anything, yet if he did, it would be rude to have admitted he had eavesdropped on their conversation. There was still guilt on the fact he hadn't told him, but he didn't know how he could approach the matter without ruining what they had fought so hard to make. The worst part was if he did say he was at the shop by coincidence, he would be forced to admit he was there with Haeyeon, which after what happened recently now he was a little uncomfortable with saying.

Technically, before what happened, he knew it was already awkward for him. He didn't really know the reason to that either, as practically the entire school had known that the two were at least labelled a "thing" by now. Haeyeon and Mark simply became HaeyeonandMark, and it was unlikely that anyone who saw them would think otherwise. Mark had confirmed the rumours with his classmates a long time ago with no worries, yet there was always a slight throb in him everytime Donghyuck brought up the matter. They had spoken about the topic once or twice, and it was never uncomfortable or awkward, but Mark never felt completely okay with speaking about Haeyeon the way Donghyuck spoke about Jinwoo then. It was just hard to even vocalise the reality that was in front of him.

He thought a while, scratching his head as he wondered what would be best to do. He had to do something, he simply could not bear to stay quiet. Hastingly, he typed his message and pressed send.

**_ <mark> 21:06 _ **

hey, you free for just a sec? wanna hang?

He held his breath as he saw the boy go online, typing. A message immediately popped up on Mark's screen.

**_ <Hyuckie> 21:08 _ **

lol i see you everyday though

_< Hyuckie is typing...>_

The boy continued to type then would stop. This repeated until a familiar chime sound told Mark there was a new message

**_ <Hyuckie> 21:15 _ **

whatever i'm at the dance studio meet me there in 5

see ya

Upon seeing it, Mark grabbed his phone and started to walk towards the dance studio. He wasn't really sure why Donghyuck was there, considering that today besides all the interviews and promotions for the Dreamies, there wasn't any scheduled dance practice. If he wasn't wrong, most of the members had even taken to sleeping their free time away. As he approached the door, he heard a familiar song, one that he knew too well. 

As he turned the doorknob, he witnessed one sight he never expected. Sweat dripping down of his cheek, Donghyuck stood up, moving to the rhythm of the track behind him, slithering with such grace with eyes, concentrated. His voice sang with the same professionalism and beauty as his movements. They were fluid, dropping and changing moods with the appropriate beats, as he drew Mark in with his hands, pulling him close. Mark hadn't been able to say a word, as he watched Donghyuck's performance carefully, mouthing the words that he had memorised through and through. These were words that he had written in the spur of the moment, that he had written with passion, and he couldn't help but remember those nights.

"So smile, smile with all of your love, for you look the best with that look on your face." Donghyuck sang in a small voice as he gestured, moving his arms appropriately to match the lyrics. The melody moved up with it, reaching the chorus.

"Your love might be my poison, but it is also my medicine. Save me with your love, please don't leave me. You're all that I have, for I can't stop thinking about you." Mark could feel a gush of warmth in him. His voice hadn't been the best to sing his song, but just as expected, Donghyuck's voice complemented it much better. Like honey, it was so sweet, so much sweeter than he ever needed.

"You must be my sunshine, baby, for you give me warmth. You give me home." These lyrics tore a hole in Mark's heart. He remembered thinking of the sun every time he saw Donghyuck, and somehow the boy had been associated with it ever since. He wondered how long it had been since then.

The song stopped there, ending well with the piano. and Donghyuck's fancy footwork. Donghyuck's eyes seemed to be glazed with tears, but he quickly wiped them away, taking a towel to clean the sweat from his face, all the while with a smile. Mark was first to speak. "That's my song."

"I know." Donghyuck continued in a quiet voice. "I just thought it would be nice to add choreography to it, and perhaps actually have a vocal sing it." The last sentence was said in such a way Mark couldn't tell if it was a jab or not, but the snicker afterwards confirmed his suspicions.

"That's awfully nice of you, Hyuckie." Mark laughed. "I thought you got rid of it, my las-" Mark cut himself off, swallowing before continuing. "My gift."

"I never did." Donghyuck spoke, but it was almost a whisper. The room had went silent. Mark could feel the tension hanging in the air, and he wasn't sure what to do. "I know you were at the café, Mark."

_Oh. My. Go-_

"You're a good person, of course you would want to come comfort me. Even though you could have been less obvious about it." Donghyuck laughed awkwardly, and Mark was genuinely stunned. 

"Even though it made me feel better that you wanted to chase after me, I'm sorry about you and Haeyeon." An apologetic look soread across Donghyuck's face. "Especially when she um, brokeupwithyou." He stammered. 

"It's fine."

"Stop lying to yourself, I know how you are after a break up." 

"It's really fine! 괜찮아!" A sudden realisation hit him. It really was fine. He didn't feel anything towards it besides the initial shock. It was ridiculous really. How could he not feel anything besides guilt after Haeyeon ran away in tears, screaming that he had led her on? He didn't lead her on, he had genuinely tried his best to love her. Didn't he succeed? Then what was the happiness he got when they went out? Was it just because they were friends, or more? If it was just normal and that was just how he was, he wouldn't have had the reaction he had when he broke up with Donghyuck. So why the difference?

Something clicked in his mind, and everything made sense. Mark turned to Donghyuck, and without much thinking, uttered, "Why were you dancing to my song?"

"I just explained just now-"

"But why my song? Why for me, why this particular song? I've written a few, and this was in that particular CD."

"It was the best to dance to, I genuinely like the melody-"

"You're lying, Hyuckie. I see it."

"Fine." Donghyuck exclaimed. "I didn't know what to do. I.. loved Jinwoo, but it wasn't the way I loved you. I don't think it was right for me to do that to you before, and so I always felt it was wrong we were suffering because of me. I didn't want to lead Jinwoo on, so I broke up with him."

"You probably can figure out the rest. Minhyung," Donghyuck's eyes shone again, but this time with determination. "I love you. Let's start over, please."

Mark smiled, cheeks stained with tears. "I'll probably be very busy, and I don't know how long I'll be able to spend with you. Nonetheless, I love you. Please never forget that." 

"I won't. I also won't forget you're in a fragile state now, breaking up with only the prettiest and most popular girl in school. Good luck, handsome." Donghyuck teased.

"Way to bring the mood down, Hyuckie." Mark elbowed his side, but Donghyuck was ready to respond. "The mood is never bad with me."

"You able to prove it?" Mark joked. 

"Watch me." With that, their lips connected, and Mark hadn't tasted anything as sweet as this. As they broke apart, Mark pulled Donghyuck closer. Despite all of the grime and sweat, it didn't matter. What matter most was the warmth he gave, and that comforted Mark. He never knew how much he could love someone until now. Thinking back on previous events, Mark couldn't help but smile. How long they have come since the Taeyong days.

"Hyuck, you want to hear a joke?" With Donghyuck's approval, Mark continued.

"Cupid must have been drunk when he shot his arrow."

"What do you mean?"

"He was definitely drunk, drunk in love." Mark burst out in fits of laughter, leaving Donghyuck in a confused state. 

* * *

 

In a month's time (when Mark was less embarrassed about all of it), Donghyuck would get that joke, and although he wouldn't admit it, would thank this "Cupid" for being as silly and goofy as he was, allowing him to find love where he needed it - in a Canadian boy he now called home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what mark's audition looked like, so i winged it? i have auditioned for some parts on television when i was a kid (lol i was 10 and had too much confidence), so i guess i tried to emulate that feeling so i hope it's ok!! but for real i bet he did even better than what i described, because for my audition i forgot all my lines and fucking winged it on stage lmao the people at the panel were NOT IMPRESSED. (still got my merch signed guess whos the winner)
> 
> btw kim jinwoo has no relations to any jinwoo it's coincidence i chose this name lmao
> 
> PLEASE IGNORE THE SHITTY LYRICS IDK HOW TO WRITE songs im sorry
> 
> in case anyone was interested:  
> donghyuck's first date outfit: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/f5/b0/5c/f5b05c49b4b3993a74039ac4f0adf3af--thick-hairstyles-guy-fashion.jpg
> 
> jinwoo's: https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1QqdXOVXXXXXiXXXXq6xXFXXXR/-font-b-BTS-b-font-a-JIMIN-with-a-bulletproof-jacket-zipper-and-baseball-uniform.jpg
> 
> mark's outfit: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/29/9b/5a/299b5ad19f90a3afcc68d73445e8b90a--korean-mens-fashion-seoul-fashion.jpg
> 
> im a sucker for guys in soft long coats please ._. if you search 'bts in coats' yup thanks for wrecking me idk what it is about them that make guys so much more attractive send help. also sg is wayyy too hot to wear anything like that thats why every guy i know looks like trash haha.
> 
> another thing i like on guys: ripped jeans, plain tee + sneakers/combat boots (bonus pts if they have a jacket). a++ fashion for me. jinwoo's outfit which was worn by jimin (perfect man + perfect outfit = 10000% loyal fan) can you tell i'm an army yet?

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: monokarm (in case yall wanna chat abt markhyuck or any other ship!! also will be posting updates on cupid and stuff so yeah :)


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